The Fertile Mind

The Fertile Mind
by Matthew


I

         Don't worry...
          That was what Vera said to me last night as she hugged me. I breathed heavily on her shoulder, and she ran her hand gently through my hair. At that moment I realized no woman other than my mother could calm me in such a way. Her voice and her touch had the weight of the Earth behind them, but they soothed my soul with the care of an angel. Vera developed an enlightened acceptance of our situation, something I felt in fleeting, infrequent moments. To be honest, the only instances I felt completely calm were when she comforted me.
          But that was last night, before I dropped her off at her parent's house. Her parents. What would they think of such a travesty? This is what my mind thinks of as I am immersed in the depths of the bittersweet unknown. She...she is...she isn't. What's the answer? Then I step back to remind myself, "you don't know yet, Sam. Stop making a fuss when you don't know".
          I went home feeling despicable and lonely. The only comfort left for me was that it was a Friday, and tomorrow I would see Vera again. I tried to numb myself to the rambling thoughts, and convince my mind, which was in the last throes of arousal, that nothing was wrong.
          The next day, I awoke and drove to Vera's house. She came down the front walk briskly, her long brown hair dancing in the sun, and a smile she wore on her sleeve. Part of me felt like the luckiest sunava gun in the world that such a beauty could be with me, but another part chided me, representing a reminder of the guilt I felt I was supposed to feel.
          I was taking Vera to my Uncle Hank's home for a family barbecue. A couple weeks ago we were looking forward to this little shindig- a chance for her to meet the rest of my family. My parents are away on vacation this summer, so they couldn't make it, but Vera had met them long ago when we first started dating. I was eager for today back then, but whatever excitement I had, it was mitigated by thoughts of what loomed for us.
          I drove down the interstate, as Vera stared wistfully out the passenger window. I think it bothered me how calm she was about all of this, considering our dilemma could change our lives forever if worse came to worse. Rattling around in my head now were snippets of things she said last night.
          ...What's done is done...
          "You sure are quiet." Vera said. It snapped me briefly out of my internal bickering, and I felt my eyes lose that haze that blankets daydreaming eyes.
          "What is there to say?" I replied after a long pause. I felt I knew where this conversation was going.
          "It bothers me when you have nothing to say,” Vera paused for a moment, "you feel distant."
          I was still getting used to the ideas in my head, how could I say anything? Most of what I wanted to say she didn't want to hear. In particular, the feeling that I failed her in the worst way a man can fail his girlfriend- his best friend. I bottled these feelings up, to protect her.
          ...We can't change the past...
          "We're almost to the barbecue." I remarked, casually.
          Then silence again immersed us again. My blank stare returned, as did my daydreams. Gradually, oncoming traffic and the cars immediately in front of me blended together. My thoughts became lucid, so much so that they were nearing the edge of my tongue and almost began to speak on their own, but I don't know what they were trying to say.
          The car began to creep over the lines a few inches. I was losing control, bewitched by my own fears. Vera felt the drifting, and turned her head towards me, then looked outward. After a sharp right turn, the car ventured even further into oncoming traffic, and Vera's eyes widened. An onrushing car slowed down, and swerved across to the shoulder to avoid us. I felt my stomach sink as I gripped the steering wheel, cursing ferociously as I corrected the vehicle. I then looked over at Vera and, seeing her expression, I knew. All the feelings I had of letting her down came back simultaneously.
          "Watch what you're doing!" Vera shouted.
          "I'm sorry,” I felt like a dog- sorry I messed up, felt the punishment, and wanted nothing more than to make it better, "I took the turn too fast."
          We eventually made it to my Uncle's house, and took a deep breath before we left the car.
Walking to the door, Vera hugged my arm, and said, "I love you,” as if I was the only person ever meant to hear those words, and she kissed me on the cheek.
          "I love you, too."
          "Cheer up! We don't know anything yet. Just have a good time."
          I smiled and thought, “God bless her," and the brouhaha in my head ceased.
          ...We can handle this so long as we do it together.

II

          Though I felt emotionally raw and physically drained, Vera seemed to alleviate the pain. It sounds cliché, but she was the only thing keeping me from going completely berserk. So what if she's late? It could be because of any number of things. That said, even if the most frightening of the possibilities is true, so what? It wouldn't be so bad.
          Then I remembered the plans she had for the future. About her going to college after she graduates, and the sites and cities she wanted to see. Are these aspirations gone? I could never forgive myself if she gave up when all is said and done. They should call it a bundle of burden.
          It was at this very moment that I got a very wet reminder of where I was. Sitting and drinking a soda on one of the picnic tables, a billowing splash of water pelted me in the back of the head.
          "Woohoo!" Yelled a giggling voice. It was my six year old cousin, Jacob, who had another water balloon at the ready for catapulting in his hand.
          I sat stunned for a moment, almost laughing, with water dripping from my hair down my neck. I turned around slowly with a surprised look bordering on mock anger.
          "Who the-", I saw my cousin laughing and running away- his little legs taking him to the jungle gym my Uncle Hank had set up in his backyard. I gave chase, moving slowly on purpose to give Jacob a head start. By the time I reached the jungle gym, I had lost sight of him. I called his name at first, but gave up that idea since he was hiding and waiting to pounce.
          Behind the jungle gym was a shed with a large tree on the hind side of it. I heard a rustling and some restrained giggling- I knew I had him.
          Around the corner I peeked, seeing a foot sneak behind the stump. Springing into action, I surprised my cousin when I yelled, "Gotcha!" But I was the one surprised, as Jacob and two of his friends were somehow able to hide behind the tree with him. They all had huge grins on their faces, and nailed me with three more balloons. I was now completely drenched as the three culprits ran off, laughing all the way back to the party. I then became aware of another set of eyes watching me from around the other corner of the shed; it was my angel Vera.
          "Having problems, babe?" She said.
          "Nothing I can't handle!" I said with a smirk.
          "Could have fooled me,” she took a few steps toward me, "Come on, let’s get you dried up."
          "Want to help me get a little revenge?"
          "Oh, hon. Revenge on children?" She was now standing right in front of me. "I think I'm a little more mature."
          I raised my hands to give Vera a hug, but then I saw her flinch and her arm came up. It was when a fifth water balloon smacked against my head that I realized I had been double-crossed, by my own girlfriend! "No...way." I said.
          Vera covered her mouth as she laughed, but somehow managed to say, “Aw, baby I'm so sorry."
          "Don't worry,” I said, blowing off the water from my lips, "Was it good for you?"
          "The best, as always, Sammy!" Then she wrapped her arms around me, and gave me one of the biggest hugs I ever got. This was why I loved her.
          "Back to the party then, babe?"
          "Sure." Vera replied, but kept her arms around me, "I ever tell you that you look good wet?"
          "Oh only every time we go swimming or take a shower together."
          Vera snickered, and we walked back toward the house. I saw Jacob and his friends hiding behind a bush and pointing in my direction. When I got back to main party outside, the smell of cooked hamburgers filled the air. My Uncle was standing over the pit with his classic chef hat on his head and half smoked cigar in his mouth. He was talking with his wife (my aunt), Sheila, as he flipped the burgers. "Get outta here woman, I know how to cook my meat." He yelled. Hank was never one to do things quietly in my family, whether it is talking or reading a book, he found a way to be loud.
          "Is it about ready yet, Hankster?" I shouted out at him.
          Hank turned his head to me and his eyes got wide, "Good grief, man, what happened to you?"
          "Wouldn't be a Weaver family barbecue without someone getting soaked, would it?"
          Hank laughed and turned back to the burgers, "No I suppose not!" He paused to take a puff from his cigar, "It'll be another couple of minutes, I think."
          I nodded my head and went to sit down. Vera sat next to me, and for the next hour we conversed, ate, and conversed some more. After a while, the sky was getting dark, and the company at the barbecue was leaving. My parents and I were usually the last ones to leave the barbecue, so in honor of them, I decided to stay. Vera, bless her, didn't complain. She only rested her head on my shoulder, and listened to me and Hank (mostly Hank) ramble on.
          "Sam, my boy, I was shameless in my youth. Girls and a good time were always more important than the 'books'. I would stay out all night partying, come home by one or two in the morning, and go to school the next day. Your father would always cover for me and never turned me in. Honestly, I have no idea how I graduated." Hank chuckled and took a puff off his cigar, "I ever tell you about the time I ran over a fire hydrant?"
          I nodded, "Think my dad told me. He came to your rescue with his car, a jack, a towel, and a poncho."
          We had a good laugh, but Hank laughed the loudest. "Yep! That's the one. I told our dad that a raccoon ran onto the road and I swerved into a mail box. Not sure if he believed me. The red marks on my face and butt didn't always tell what your grandfather really felt."
          The tables were almost all clean, and the only guests remaining were Vera and I. I was getting ready to say it was time for us to go, and then Hank blurted out, "Hey Sam, I'm sure you got some good crazy stories like that. Got any sins ya wanna confess to the old Hankster?"
          Stunned for a moment, I was reminded of Vera. How could I have forgotten? I delved deep, however, and realized the pain of our dilemma had passed. Vera and I were left to wait, and had accepted our future without realizing it.
          "When I was still in high school with Vera, I was on the boys' cross country team, and she on the girls'. I was a senior, and all the other senior guys on the team wanted to do some grand send off before our last day. So one day, during one of our practices, the four seniors on the team, including me, stripped down to nothing but Speedos, put long strands of tissue paper with our school colors in the Speedos so it was hanging out as we ran, and did the entire cross country practice that way. We got a warning from the school about our conduct, even though it was one of our last practices."
          "Ha! And did your little girl there see you?" Hank asked.
          "Yep. After that, she couldn't keep her hands off."
          Hank and I laughed again. We talked for another ten or fifteen minutes about life, my parents, the future, all the usual stuff I talk about with Old Hank. He is one of those "experience everything" types of guys, and I'm sure he could find a million stories to tell me if I gave him the time. In a way, he's more of a friend than a relative, because I can talk to him about a number of things I couldn't share with anyone but Vera.
          With Vera in the car and me saying my goodbyes, I decided to have one last chat with Hank. "I wish I could live life how you live it, Hank. Things always seem to work out in your favor, no matter how bad they seem."
          Hank put his hand on my shoulder and spit out what was left of his little cigar, "Sam, you will have stories to tell and experiences that make you wiser. Just because I was lucky enough to live through my stupidity, doesn't mean I'm any better than another person. You're lucky that all you have to survive is other people's stupidity!"
          I chuckled a bit, "I don't know about that. I've done some pretty bonehead things."
          "One day, Sam, you'll come to realize that there are always mistakes to be made. Most all of them have a side that says, 'I told you so'. I always had the courage to make the mistakes, but courage is easy. Brains and responsibility are what can make you determine the outcome. I feel like I've been lucky, since I always relied on outside factors, like your father, to get me through my problems. You have it in you to get yourself out of or just to get through problems. I admire that. It's just like your dad!"
          We talked for a few more minutes, then Hank held out his hand to say goodbye...in the Uncle Hank way. I threw my hand out there, knowing what was going to come next. He pulled me in for a bear hug that lifted me a foot off the ground. Classic!
          "See you, m'boy. Tell your parents I said 'hi' when they get back."
          "Unnh, sure thing, Hank. Can I breathe now?"
          Hank let me down, but surprisingly wasn't smiling when I looked at him. "Don't feel ashamed of anything you do with that girl, Vera. She's a great girl. A guy can have a good time with hundreds of girls and still feel empty, but having one relationship like you have with her, man, that's divine. The only way I know that is because of Sheila. I got lucky there, too."
          I thought about what he said, but didn't have much in response. So I said my goodbyes again, receiving a less suffocating hug, and was on my way. Vera was asleep on the front seat, and barely woke up when I opened the door, lifted her head, and sat down with her head resting on my leg. I brushed her hair, started the car, and we went to her house. She slept the whole way.
          "I wish you could spend the night with me. The house gets lonely." I said to her before actually waking her up. "Vera. We're here, time to wake up."
          Her eyes fluttered open, "Here already? Why didn't you wake me?"
          "I just did."
          "No I meant earlier, I could've kept you company."
          "You did."
          She sat up, and stretched, smiling a little since she knew I was watching. "I wish my parents would let me spend the night with you when you're alone."
          I nodded. "It's ok. I will see you tomorrow. Sleeping makes time pass pretty quickly."
          We sat silent for a couple of minutes. Then I noticed a sour look on her face and she seemed to be holding her breath. "What's wrong?" I asked.
          "I don't know. I feel kinda-” She didn't finish, but her finger was pointing towards her neck, and then waved up and down as she tried to swallow. "I'm fine. I think I had too much to eat."
          I gritted my teeth, but my mind was too well balanced after the chats I had with Hank to worry about anything but Vera. "I'll walk you to the door. You look like you need your bed."
          "With you in it would be best."
          We exited the car, and walked hand in hand to her front door. I smiled the whole way.
          "But really, if you think about it, would you really let your high school daughter, seventeen or not, spend the night in her nineteen year old boyfriend's home with no actual adults there?" I said.
          She smiled. "I know, it's just not fair! I'm just going to miss you tonight, especially with the...thing we worry about."
          I shot back with a smile and full of confidence, "I'm not worried. I love you and whatever happens, it'll be because of our love, and not some random accident."
          We kissed and stood outside the door. She hugged me with nearly the strength of my uncle. "I can't wait to see you tomorrow." I said.
          "Bright and early. You need to get in shape. A little six year old outran you today!" Vera said, poking me in the chest playfully. Once every weekend we go running together. I said it was to get her in the best shape for cross country, but knew it was just another ploy to spend time with her.
          "I know! I don't know what happened. I think the water weighed down my clothes!"
          "Good excuse. Are you going to drive and pick me up, or are you going to run to my house?"
          "I think run. I'll be getting up extra early." I said.
          "Okay, I'll be waitin'."
          One last kiss goodnight and I walked to my car as she stood outside her door. "I love you!" She shouted.
          "I love you too. Get some sleep!"
          As I pulled away, she got into her house. While I drove, I found I had strength over the thoughts in my head. None of the crap that filled my head before was in my thoughts. To be honest, the only thoughts in my head were one or possibly two things: Vera.

III

          I slept but didn't dream that night, though I wish I had. I always felt that dreams, especially the good ones, were a reward for those who had the right frame of mind. I don't think my mind could have been in better shape than it was last night.
          Either way, I woke up, performing my usual pre-running routines: eating a light breakfast followed by a power drink (of my own concoction), getting dressed in my thermal clothes, stretching, and doing short distance dashes in the backyard. Around six in the morning, I was on my way to Vera's house.
          Life was quiet outside. I always felt strangely spiritual being up early. People were there in their homes, but still sleeping. In the mean time, I was in motion; running and alive. The town itself seemed lifeless in its slumber, and there I was, by myself, in a perpetual ghost town, at least from my perspective. I knew that the town would be awake in a couple of hours, but it didn't take the rush I got from feeling like I was the only person left alive.
          Halfway to Vera's house, I was making good time. I decided to go a little slower, so as not to wear myself out. Vera and I are competitive types, and I would never forgive myself (and never hear the end of it) if I tired too quickly. I went from a slow jog to a speedy walk. The sun illuminated the sky ever so slightly as the world around me stretched and slowly roused awake.
          I paced down the road, passing houses in the upper class part of the town. Occasionally, a dog's head would poke through or over a fence to bark at me for coming near their home, but other than that there were no signs of life in this world of mine. I saw no squirrels, birds, or other creatures trouncing about except for me.
          My mind then turned to Vera, again, but my mentality remained unchanged. I still loved her and whatever results would be because of our love. But I couldn't help but think of the uncomfortable times ahead of us, like getting tested, telling my parents, or worst of all telling her's. In a way, I felt like I knew the answers to all the questions in my head, I just needed a healthy dose of reality to put the truth together.
          "She is-” I said to myself. I knew what I had to say, but it wouldn't quite come out.
          I realized then that my pace had slowed down. I was losing time and in danger of being late to Vera's. She was the type of girl who, if you were late, would make sure you paid for it afterwards.
          Knowing the area fairly well, I decided to take a shortcut through the woods that would spit me out near Vera's street. I took a right down a shoddy, broken-down road that led down a gravel road. With a swift bit of running, I was quickly in the middle of the poor part of town, not really because of the people who lived there, but because it was so desolate that hardly anyone went through it.
          A little way down the road, on the left, was a run down auto mechanic shop. I don't think it was in business anymore, since all the windows were blackened and the "closed" sign was always turned forward. The house next to it belonged to the shop's owner, who had four dogs who ran lose at all times. Unfortunately for me, his yard and the woods behind it was part my route to Vera's house.
          Dashing through the high grass on the left side of the road, I turned sharply for the valley between the two buildings. As I passed through with the shop on my left and the house on my right, I heard some noises, and I wasn't sure what to make of them. I couldn't stop, because if a dog were chasing me, I would more than likely have a limb or two mauled, or worse. So I kept on, moving into a full on sprint.
          Near the beginning of the woods, I could hear the barking of dogs behind me now. Aggressive, loud, and ferocious barking that made my feet work even faster. I glanced back, and two dogs were snarling and heaving hurried breaths as they ran after me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't get some excitement out of it.
          Running through the woods slowed me down, and gave the dogs a chance to catch up. I sped up as much as could be allowed, and nearly tripped over a long branch sticking out of the leaves. I regained my footing, hopped over a tree stump, and was very near the fence dividing the property from the road when I realized the dogs had stopped following. I stopped, and saw one of the dogs in the distance walking back toward the house, with the other sitting and staring. I didn't quite understand it, but the dogs had forgotten their brutish personalities and gave up the pursuit. Usually, they would follow all the way to the fence and bark incessantly, so to remind me that I should never ever try that again.
          Turning round back toward the fence, I walked a few paces, looked behind me to see the dog still staring. Maybe they were tired of this little game, and I would hate to think that I broke the poor dogs' spirits. I came to the fence, hopped it, and was presented with an unsettling sight. Blood stains spread along the road, at least six feet's worth, until it stopped at a lump of fur.
          "Road kill." I thought. "Poor guy."
          I walked toward it, and then my heart sank. One of the dogs from the mechanic's property had gotten out, and this was what was left of him. I wondered if the mechanic guy knew, or if his dogs were like his shop; easily forgotten. I can't help but feel sorry for animals that have their lives ended this way. It's not the greatest tragedy, but it would be for those who cared for him, especially if it had been a person.
          And then I remembered the dogs who quit chasing me.
          "For their sake,” I thought, "I should do something for him."
          Really having no idea what to do, I decided to keep it simple. I picked a few flowers from the side of the road (ok, dandelions), and placed them in a pile near where the body lay. I said a few words, then had a thought of coming back later that day with a shovel and burying him, even though I knew I wouldn't.
          Knelt by the bloodied road, I went into a daze again, like the one I had last night while driving. I thought about what I could do to keep three people, including myself, happy. I resolved not to care what my parents or her parents would say, since their opinions would change nothing as far as me and Vera were concerned.
          Then I felt a rush of wind. The blood in my veins suddenly curdled, and there was urgency in the pit of my stomach. My heart fluttered, and I imagined myself staggering, even though my body remained completely still. My brain was the last thing to come round, and I snapped out of my daze. I turned left to see a blue car veering off the road ever so slightly, but just enough to clip my legs and throw me into the windshield.
          My legs flopped through the air, and my arm smashed through the windshield. I could feel myself deaden as my limbs went numb. I heard the scream of a woman, and wind was continuously rushing across my face. Moments later, I felt the car turn, and I would have fell off the hood had my arm not been deeply embedded in the glass. I had no awareness except for the taste in my mouth. There should have been pain, but all I felt was how exasperated I was. My eyes closed, and I laid my head on the hood.
          The remembered not feeling much pain, but more surprisingly, I wasn't scared.

IV

          Wood was creaking. The wind, howling past the walls. The sharpness of my mind was destroyed. It was like a dream, where I had to just know things and feel things rather than rationalize. All reason was taken from me.
          I tried to let out a cry just because of the dreariness I felt, but my voice didn't get past my chest. What was wrong with me that I couldn't speak?
          Sometime later, I felt myself cough, and became aware that I was breathing. A chill swept over my body, and I began spitting up a metallic taste. One arm was completely numb, the other in pain. I couldn't tell which one, so I tried to move each. A scream found its way out of my mouth when I tried to move my left arm.
          Frustrated and in pain, I tried to recall memories. I remembered dogs. They were important, somehow? Perhaps not. There are also people I know, I feel like I have lived an entire lifetime without them, and they miss me. Who are they? A mom, a dad, no brothers or sisters. Who else?
          I heard something like a door slam shut, and more and more I became aware of my surroundings, but I couldn't make heads or tails of anything without seeing. My eyes were a puzzlement to me. I couldn't remember seeing anything, ever, but yet I knew I had eyes. I sluggishly attempted to open them, but I couldn't. Each lid was a hundred pounds, and I wanted to just fall back to sleep. My uninjured arm reached down my body to find a blanket, but all I got was clothing and small pieces of glass.
          A face flashed in my mind, and it was the face of someone important. A pretty, blue-eyed, brown-haired woman. She smiles at me and I get the sense she wants something, but her stare alone is uplifting for me. Then she holds out her hand, makes a fist, and gives me a thumbs up. At first I thought it odd that all this person has to give me is a gesture and a smile, but then she starts motioning upward with her thumb. Continuously motioning up and down, I realized she wanted me to wake up, and then she spoke, "Vera", and my eyes opened.
          My vision was blurry. I saw white and some slender piece of black down the middle. My eyes flickered, and the images became a little clearer. I turned my neck to look around, and a shooting pain went down my back as I heard glass crunch against my head. I realized at this point that I was on top of a car's hood, partially mounted inside the windshield. For a short time, I actually managed to laugh.
          As soon as I asked myself how I got on top a car, I remembered. The side of the road, the road kill dog, and the scream after hitting the windshield. What I couldn't figure out was why I was still on the car. Where were the doctors, the nurses, and the comfortable beds? I began to think that I woke up so soon after what happened that the police hadn't had time to show up.
          So I laid there, on top of a car, analyzing my situation. The white I saw earlier with the black line through it was actually a ceiling with a track suspended from it. I looked to my left, and saw a large door. "Garage door,” I said.
          For a very long time it was quiet. I neither heard nor saw any signs of life except for what life I had left. My patience wore thin, and I mustered the strength to yell. "Help!" and "Hello!" were the best I could do for a few minutes. Eventually, I wore myself out and began to yell incoherently just to make noise for someone to hear.
          A long while passed again, and I gathered that I felt hungry and very thirsty. I didn't want to consider the worst possibility, lying in such a dissipated state, but the hopelessness of my situation demanded it. Vera needed me, in the scheme of things. I can't imagine what she would do without me, especially if....
          The sound of crying came through the walls. It was very faint, but it was there. I could hear a stamping against the floor, as if someone were angry or frustrated. There was a squeak from a chair being moved across a floor, followed by a short silence, and more crying. Suddenly, a booming noise slammed against the wall as I heard the crashing of glass, followed once again by silence, and more crying.
          "Hello?" I said, and the crying stopped. "Are...are you there?"
          Footsteps creaked along the floor, I knew whoever it was could hear me. "Can you help?" My throat was aching and I was so weak, but I thought talking was my best hope for being saved.
          There was nothing. No movement, no crying, no talking, no noise at all. I could see it getting dark outside and I was so cold already that I could not imagine spending an entire night like this. Suddenly, more crying could be heard through the wall.
          "Will you help?" I asked, pausing for a moment only to hear nothing yet again, and then I said, "Please?"
          Very faintly, the crying was broken, and heard a voice say in a desperately vicious tone, "Shut up! Stop talking to me."
          "What?" That was the last thing I said, and nothing more could be heard. There was a little movement, some time passed, and that was it. As night fell on through the windows, I knew that hope was lost. I was destined to die here, on the hood of a car. Nobody knew where I was. It's likely, even, that Vera would think that I abandoned her at the threshold of our unknown future. With that, I passed out again, weak, and with my heart broken.
          I had a dream, as I believed it would be my last one, that uncle Hank was there with me. Ever the advice giver, he told me how to feel and what to expect.
          "You'll go quickly in the night, son. The cold will take you, ya won't feel a thing." Hank said, cigar in his mouth. "Want a puff before you go? Don't think they allow these where you're goin'."
          I nodded, and he put the cigar in my mouth. I could smell the smoke and taste the flavor all the way to my lungs.
          "Good lad." He took the cigar back and placed it in the corner of his mouth, taking a long puff before he spoke again. "Some people."
          I looked at him curiously, as if to ask, what do you mean.
          "Leaving you here like this. Nobody should go this way. Especially not one so young." Hank shook his head. "How do you feel?"
          I felt like I shrugged, but not sure if anything moved. He understood, regardless.
          "It's best not to feel it, anyway. No better way to go than in your sleep." He stood up next to me, put his hand on mine, trying to comfort me. "Pity about your girlfriend."
          "Ver-” I managed to say part of her name.
          "Yep. She may come unscrewed after something like this." Hank paused for a second, blew a long stream of smoke from his mouth, and looked up toward the ceiling. "Course, she could be okay. You're leaving something for her to remember you by."
          "Wha-” I mumbled, now in so much pain as I raised my head up to see Hank clearly.
          Hank just looked at me, and smiled a big grin with the cigar jutting out to one side. Suddenly, there was a white light in the ceiling so bright that I couldn't see anything except Hank. He stepped forward, and in the same way as Vera's apparition, gave me a thumbs up. At first, he motioned upwards, like Vera did, but then gave a thumbs down, and motioned downward. "Stay or go, Sammy."
          I shifted from a daydream to reality in the blink of an eye, and sat up. Pain was there, but not important. The arm embedded in the glass came out without me realizing, and I imagined that it was disgusting and bloody and probably not entirely connected to my body anymore, but I didn't care. I grimaced and felt weaker by the second, so I stuck my good arm through the glass, rolled my body over to get a good angle, and stretched to hit the horn on the wheel.
          I honked for what seemed like hours, not knowing if anyone would come. Dogs began barking and howling, my distress call was reaching someone's ears, it had to. I wasn't going to leave anything to chance, so I kept on the horn until my hand went numb. Then I rested and pressed down on the horn again.
          My energy was almost completely spent, and I had to rest my arm for a while. I asked myself if this was the last time I'll ever feel rest before the real pain of dying settles in. The barking continued outside, and I swore I heard shouting. With one last gasp, I pushed on the horn, let go, and then pressed down in an intermittent fashion so as to let people know it was a person making this racket.
          I passed out believing my death would come whether I was saved or not. The woman, my captor of sorts, wasn't in any shape to let me go, and probably wouldn't risk disposing of my body in any insecure way so as to get caught. This was my solace: to know that people would return my body to my family when they found me, and Vera would know that I didn't abandon her.
          I imagined, as I drifted away, that the neighbors of this woman, who were probably still sleeping when this woman pulled into the garage with me on the hood, broke into the garage. Upon seeing my body, they'd send someone to call the cops and another to break into the house and find the woman. One person attends to me, finds a blanket and throws it over me, but it's too late. I'm gone forever, but at least I'm not lost.

V

          Fight, you've got to fight...
          My memories filtered in like light from a wind-thrown curtain. I saw muffled faces, doctors, looking over me. Yelling and moving frantically. Sticking me all over with needles and knives, but I didn't feel them.
          I saw familiar faces. Hank. My parents. Some others, but my mind wasn't reasoning why I was seeing them, or if they were even there. All I thought was where Vera might be, and why she isn't here.
          In my ceaseless overlapping of consciousness and unconsciousness, there was no feeling. My sense of being was shot, just like the first time I awoke on the car.
          ...he's going to pull through...
          "...isn't he?" I heard a voice ask. It was so familiar, it snapped me out of my coma and I had to see who it was.
          "He's waking up again." The nurse over me said.
          A blurry face entered my view, and it nearly sent my heart into a thousand pieces.
          "Vera." I thought, and my eyes lit up.
          "Sam? Are you with us, babe?" She asked.
          I grinned and nodded slowly and she lost it, bawling with tears down her face. I wanted to touch her and hold her, but my arms didn't listen.
          "Honey," my mother entered my view next, she was crying too, "you're doing okay. Stay strong. You're so brave."
          I passed out again as the nurse injected morphine into my IV. My family and Vera stayed in the room as much as they could. Vera, bless her, never left my side. Everyone brought her food, but she hardly ate. She blamed herself, as I would if it was her in my place, but the most important thing after the damage is done is healing.
          A hand pressed on my right hand, and I awoke much more alert this time. I saw my parents, Hank, and Vera all standing around me. It was Vera that held my hand.
          "Who wants to tell him?" My dad asked.
          "I can't bear it." My mom said.
          I squinted my eyes, not quite sure to make of what they were speaking of. The beeping of the machines around me filled the silent air as the four of them stared down at me.
          Uncle Hank then spoke up, this time without a cigar, "If Vera is up to it, I think it's best she tells him."
          I looked up at Vera and smiled the biggest smile I felt I could muster. She sucked her lips in slightly as she cried, then gulped and took a deep breath. "Okay,” she started, "Sam, you've been through a lot, honey. Most of the injuries you got from the accident will heal in time. Except-"
          Vera paused, and swallowed again. Hank put a hand on her shoulder, and that's when I realized that even he was crying.
          "Except your arm, baby. They couldn't save it. It...it was too badly damaged from the glass and broken bones." She brought my hand to her mouth and kissed it, weeping gently. "Sam, I love you so much. I'm so sorry about all of this."
          I just smiled, unfazed by her news. I moved my lips at her, trying to speak, but not much came out.
          "Is he trying to say something?" My mom gasped.
          Vera leaned her head down, turning her ear to my mouth and with all my strength and breath said what I wanted to say, yet still it only amounted to a whisper.
          She heard me. I knew she heard me. Vera began laughing and crying all at once, holding her hand over her mouth like she always does. Her eyes were now completely filled with water, and she only needed to blink to release the floodgates.
          "What'd he say?" Hank asked.
          Vera very slowly began to clear the tears from her face, and looked down to me with a sort of pride that I'll never forget. She sucked in a big deep breath and said, "He said,” Vera squeezed my hand hard once again, and nodded at me while smiling, "you're pregnant."

The End