A Little More Spit and Polish

A Little More Spit and Polish if You Please


Do you remember Mr. Clean?
I used to love that guy.
Some poor housewife would be standing in a dirty kitchen looking suicidal and then by magic a bottle of Mr. Clean would flash on the counter beside her.
She’d unscrew the cap and out he would come in a puff of smoke.
Then he would wink at her, snap his fingers and Presto! , the kitchen would be clean and shiny. You know, I finally tried some of that stuff and it doesn’t work.

I spent three days trying to pry that guy out of the bottle and he wouldn’t budge. After the third day I gave up and cleaned the house myself. And unfortunately, that is what you are going to have to do too.

You remember the second thing I told you about in the last section that would make you the most money? The one I said I would get to a little later?
This is it.

An old fashioned “Spring Cleaning” is a very effective way of loosening a buyer’s purse strings and letting the money come pouring out.
Hopefully, right into your hands.
But before you start planning your next vacation on the proceeds, I need to explain what this really entails. It is not your normal type of cleaning.

If you are like me you probably vacuum, scrub the bathrooms, and maybe mop the floors. But when was the last time you washed the windows inside and out?
I never did.

But that kind of clean will stop a buyer dead in their tracks. You don’t see many shiny showplaces out there in the real world. Most houses look like a motel room before the maid shows up.
Buyers get used to seeing the “dingy” look and it startles them when they see something different. So watch them when they walk through your front door. First, their jaws will drop and then their wallets will open and when that happens you make more money.
So work through this section now and call your travel agent later.

I have decided to do things a little differently. I am not going to waste time trying to convince you to do these things. Once you get started, you won’t need any convincing. So let’s get on with it.

Since I mentioned windows earlier, we will start with that.

Cleaning windows really isn’t as bad as you might think. Sure, you have to clean the inside the hard way; with a roll of paper towels and a bottle of glass cleaner. But you can blow through the outside in no time at all if you know how to do it.

The thing to remember when cleaning the outside is you are not trying to get that “Sparkling Look” the TV commercials talk about. It is too much work and it wouldn’t survive the first rain. All you want is clean, and that is pretty easy to get once you know what you are trying to get off.

Outside windows have a combination of dirt, pollen, and exhaust fumes on them. Most people don’t realize how bad it is since it accumulates slowly through the years. You just sort of get used to it. But all it takes is cleaning one to show you how bad it really is.
The way I did it left me with gorgeous windows in less than an hour.

Here is what you will need:

Get two of those Ortho “ Dial-A-Spray” garden sprayers and a truck brush. You can get the sprayers at any home improvement center; the truck brush can be purchased at a truck parts store or off the internet.
I typed “truck brush” in Yahoo! Shopping and found four for less than thirteen dollars.
These things are great; they have soft bristles and a telescoping handle. There aren’t many windows these things won’t reach.
The last thing you will need is a multipurpose cleaner like Greased Lightning and a bottle of Jet Dry. Jet Dry is what goes in that special dispenser in your dishwasher. You can pick it up at any grocery store.
Okay, let’s go outside and I will show you how to clean windows the easy way.

You want to use straight Greased Lightning in the first sprayer. Just pour it in and set the dial at one ounce per gallon. In the second, add five tablespoons of Jet Dry and fill the rest with water. Set the dial to two ounces per gallon.

First, spray the window with Greased Lightning and let it sit for about a minute. Then lightly go over it with the truck brush and rinse thoroughly.
Finally, spray on the Jet Dry.
That’s it, you’re done.
Move on to the next window.
Now, is that easy enough for you?

The reason you are not killing yourself is you picked the right cleaners. You are letting them do the work so you don’t have to. And in case you are wondering, I will tell you how they work.

Remember me telling you windows are usually coated with dirt, pollen, and exhaust fumes? The exhaust is what you have to get off. It is greasy and holds the rest of the gunk like glue, if you can cut through that, everything else will wash off with it. Greased Lightning will dissolve any oily mess you can think of which is why it works so well.

The Jet Dry is what makes the windows shiny.
The reason it goes in dishwashers is to eliminate water spots. A small amount is added during the rinse cycle to prevent the water from beading. If it can’t bead, it can’t form spots.
And what it does in your dishwasher it will do on your windows.

Since we are outside I will tell you something else the pro’s do that always makes a big difference. Besides the obvious of a mowed lawn and trimmed bushes, they add some color. They will buy flowers and plant them around the front of the house.

It doesn’t really matter what kind as long as they are pretty, cheap, and don’t require any maintenance. It gives you that “Better Homes and Gardens” look. And believe me, buyer’s love that look and don’t mind paying for it.

Okay, we are done with the outside.
Let’s go back in and finish the rest of the house.

The next thing to do is to clean the light fixtures. Depending on what type you have, this can be as easy as running a load of dishes.
Mine were pretty sturdy so all I did was remove the glass globes and put them in the dishwasher. One hour later they all looked brand new.
It was that simple.

But before you try this, I want to provide a few safety tips:
First, cut off the power at the breaker box before you mess with anything electrical. Second, if you don’t know how to take a fixture apart, pay a professional to do it.
And finally, if you don’t think a particular item can survive the dishwasher then don’t chance it. It is easier to wash something by hand than to fish broken glass out of the bottom of a dishwasher.

When you are finished with the lights come back to the kitchen.
We need to talk about it.
You remember that Model Home you saw?
Your kitchen needs to look like theirs.
Yeah, I know it was brand new but more importantly it was spotless. That is what you have to duplicate.
Now before you say, ” My kitchen is clean and how dare you insinuate otherwise”, I want you to do me a favor.
Go look in your microwave.
You know; that thing above your stove that makes popcorn and not much else?
How clean is it?
Now I didn’t ask if it was filthy, I asked if it was really really clean.
How about all those little dots on the inside where something splattered? The ones you have to look hard to see? You may not see it but a buyer will spot it right away; and they won’t like it.

This may be a good time to tell you something about buyers; they get pretty strange when it comes to kitchens. If they see anything that could be considered “unclean” they get queasy and start heading for the door.

Now you may be getting a little offended by this, and I don’t blame you, but you can’t change human nature. All you can do is understand it. In fact, you have probably felt the same way yourself.

Have you ever been offered something to drink in someone’s house and you really didn’t want it?
You might not have known them that well and the idea of drinking out of one of their glasses just bothered you, probably on a gut level.
Now deep down you knew they weren’t spreading the bubonic plague or “War Disease”, whatever that is, but you just didn’t want to take the chance.
Everyone feels that way about strangers.
And to every buyer that walks through your door, you are a stranger. So give them the spotless kitchen and laugh all the way to the bank. Besides, you probably wouldn’t want to drink out of their glasses either.

Okay, once you are done with that we need to concentrate on the most important room in the house, the Bathroom.

If buyers are strange about kitchens, they get down right bizarre about bathrooms. You would think they were planning surgery in there instead of a shower. So whatever you do, make your bathrooms shine. And don’t forget the mirror, it gets dirty quicker than anything else.
In fact, do me a favor and go look at it.

You see all those little spots where the toothpaste splattered when you were brushing? If a buyer sees that they are going to scream and jump out the window. And don’t worry if your bathroom doesn’t have a window, it will by the time they leave. So make sure you have spotless mirrors before letting anyone see your house.

So now you are probably thinking,
” Great, how am I supposed to keep something clean that I use everyday? Does this mean I can’t take a shower until the house sells?”
No, you can take a shower. Actually, once you get it clean it is not that hard to keep it that way. Here’s how:

All I did was keep a spare towel on hand to wipe everything off after I used it.
If I used the sink, I would wipe it and the counter off when I was done; same with the shower and tub. That was all it took. I found that by doing this I could keep everything presentable for at least ten days.

As far as the toilet goes, that was even easier. All you need is a toilet cleaner that fits in the tank and turns the water blue. Buyers seem to think blue water means hospital fresh so give it to them.

The last thing is the floors.
If your carpets are even slightly dirty get them cleaned. Buyers see dirty carpets as worthless carpets that need replacing. It is easier to clean them than haggle with someone who wants you to lower the price to pay for new carpeting. As far as the rest of the flooring goes; make it shine too. A bottle of floor wax works wonders and can make anything look brand new.

The final thing we need to talk about is pest control. If you don’t have a regular exterminator, go get one.
NOW.
This is one area you can’t take a chance on.
People don’t like bugs and if they see one, they will be gone. Buyers look through everything; drawers, closets, under sinks, you name it. And if they see a roach they won’t care if you are giving the house away. They’ll just get out of there as fast as they can. So hire an exterminator and take a break.
From now on it gets a lot easier.



Intermission


I can’t leave this section without throwing in a few safety tips. I have noticed when people do heavy cleaning they often get creative with their cleaning supplies.
DON”T DO IT.
Especially with anything that contains bleach or ammonia. These are two of the most dangerous chemicals under your sink and combining them is a good way to end your house selling career in a big hurry.
Yeah, I know you have heard that for years, but do you know what can really happen if you try it?
Since I was a Chemistry major in college I will give you a short lesson in how to ruin your day in one easy step.

When you mix bleach with ammonia, you wind up with one of two different things, both of them bad. The first thing you might get is sodium hydroxide and trichloramine.

Sodium hydroxide is a wonderful little compound that can eat the skin right off your hands in high concentrations. Trichloramine is also nice to have around; it is extremely poisonous and can be absorbed through the skin. But don’t worry; it will probably explode before it gets the chance to poison you. Or you might get Hydrazine.
Hydrazine is a component of rocket fuel. It can blow you and the room you’re working on right off the house. And since the chemical reaction releases enough heat to melt plastic, it probably will.

What you may not realize is chlorine and ammonia are essential in the manufacture of explosives. They are relatively safe by themselves, but if you mix them together you are making a bomb in your kitchen.

The reason I am droning on about this is many commercial cleaning agents contain either ammonia or bleach as their active ingredients. And combining any of them can give you the same results as you would get by mixing the pure chemicals.
Besides, mixing household cleaners won’t make them clean better. In most cases you will wind up with something that won’t clean at all. Most cleaners are what you would call Reactive Agents. They “react” with what you are trying to clean and that is how they remove it. Mixing cleaners together lets them react with each other instead of the dirt so you wind up with nothing.
Okay, I just wanted to give you this warning. After all, why make a killing in real estate if the Funereal Director winds up getting it?


End of Intermission