A Friend, A Lover. Goodbye.

Probability. 0-1. Vulnerability. 3-0. Seems like I am in a lose-lose situation, again. Great. This is no change, nor did I expect it to be. I dont know how it gets this far, everytime. I try to control my feelings for my well being and the well being of my other half, but its as though I have no control. Lifeless, selfish. What do I do but rid myself of great desire? Cut a string and let go? Yes, this is but my only option to defeat the pain and suffering that this love will cause, yet I am steady avoiding doing exactly that. I do not want to let go of a great friend, and though I know that this is not true, it hurts me to want to go. Turn my back, say goodbye. Dê-me beijo. Shall I ask for more? No, I shall not, because more would be sinful, and I am not willing to burn. Circumstance. Perception. Which is real? What I can see or how I choose to feel? Neither, and this tends to eat me alive, daily. On the contrary, peace is surely brought when I touch your hands or kiss your temple to rid you of the continuous throbbing in your head. I know you do not share what I feel, though your words and eyes tell me different. This makes you good at altering the truth and that genuinely scares me. Am I but a backup plan or your slave to menace? I'm not sure now, nor am I sure Id like to stick around and find out. You need what you want until you get what you've worked for and you my love, only work for forbidden fruit. I am sweet, yet you are bitter, and I was never too fond of the bitterness that life brings. With this said, I will not part, not at this moment, but the time is close, yes, and I think you should know, that my goodbye is but another lifelong loss, for both of us.