A Lie

“Is everything okay?”
I turned my gaze away from the passing green highway signs and occaisional pine trees and glanced over at my mother. “What?” I asked.
“Is everything okay?” she repeated, trying to look over at my face and keep her eyes on the road at the same time.
“Yeah,” I said. “Everything’s fine.” I looked away from her and back out the window, not wanting to ask why she had asked that. The sky was gray and heavy and a few drops of rain were beginning to fall slowly, leaving trails of water in their wake.
My mother cleared her throat. “It’s just,” she began. “It’s just that you haven’t been yourself lately.”
I didn’t reply, and instead only leaned forward to turn on the radio. My mother’s soft rock music began to float out of speakers and I changed the station to something more tolerable.
“I’m worried about you,” she continued. I sat back in my seat as she lowered the volume on the radio.
“Don’t be.”
“You seem so different lately,” my mother said. “I just want to make sure everything is okay. You seem depressed.”
I shrugged. “I’m fine,” I told her, pretending to be far more interested in my seatbelt than what my mother had to say. The fabric was smooth between my fingers and I scratched it with my nail. I didn’t want to talk her to her about my life.
“I’m worried.” I flinched as I felt her cool hand on my arm.
“Don’t be,” I replied. “I’m fine.” I moved my arm away. Raindrops were hitting the car, and I watched as they inched their way down the window slowly, pooling where the glass met the car door.
“I can’t help it,” she continued, and I could feel her looking at me. “I don’t know if I like the way you’ve changed.”
I didn’t say anything in reply, only moved closer to the passenger side door. Part of me wanted to admit that I didn’t like how I had changed either, but I said nothing. I knew better.
“You’re always in your room lately,” my mother continued. “You just-“
“Mom, I’m fine,” I interrupted.
“I just want to make sure –“
“Nothing’s wrong,” I told her, tightening my grip on my seatbelt. “I’m fine. Can we change the subject, please?”
My mother paused. “You know you can talk to me if something is wrong, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. Sure.” Like that was ever going to happen.
After another moment she said, “You promise everything is okay?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Promise.”
“You’re not lying?” she asked.
I paused, and then said “Yeah, I promise. Everything’s fine. I’m not lying.” I reached over and turned the volume up louder on the radio. Everything was not okay and I didn’t know what to do. I rested my head against the cool window pane and tried to concentrate on the falling raindrops than what was eating me up inside.