For Points

I’m not homeless. I’m not short on money or time. I’m not an impoverished artist. I’ve tried being a poor person rich in ideals, but it itched. I don’t like handouts, and yet I take a perverse pleasure out of eating the free samples at the grocery store. But I never actually buy the product. (I bet you’ve done it too.)

I am a very humbly prideful person, or is that pridefully humble. Actually it might have been a contagious form of humbibilpriditis. Fortunately this can only be caught if you read what I write. But don’t worry; they have antibiotics for this sort of thing, although I find they are only effective for the humble part. This explains why I believe that I am more talented than Wayne Gretsky, if only the powers that be would be more open about women in sports. I suppose they think skating ability is important, too. But one day my hockey career will burst into fruition, like a ripe tomato falling from the vine.

You should probably give your points to someone who needs them. So I encourage you to read the other entries, especially the ones that say things like ‘My Most Humble Request’ and ‘On Bended Knee’. I find that titles like this, while very silly, seem to indicate that they are really interested in winning. If this is an important aspect of selecting your beneficiaries, then you may have a hard time choosing.

I wish I could help you with selecting your winner, but since you didn’t ask me, I guess I’ll go ahead and join the crowd in requesting some of your points. I have absolutely no idea what I will use them for because I’ve only been on writing.com for a few days. I am sure that they can be used for things such as buying a motorcycle or that tattoo I’ve always wanted. So, go ahead, give your points to someone humble, polite and needy. But give some to me, too.