Letters from an Escapee, part 2 of 4

The plane didn't crash, and it wasn't hijacked. Champagne proved to be an effective sedative in the middle of the day. We were quickly and efficiently escorted to buses on the island, and off we went for the short trip to our home for the next five days. Immediately there's a holiday atmosphere. People are walking slower, are more casually dressed (bikini's are about as casual as you can get). Palm trees, tropical gardens....and golf carts. Lots and lots of golf carts. They're the only things that are moving fast, with their frenetic little engines screaming. The streets are full of their buzzing, as they scurry here and there like wheeled beetles. Beware heavy golf cart traffic! Forget cars on this island. Gold buggies rule!


One of the benefits of being together for over 20 years is an understanding of the other person’s priorities. No words are necessary for us to decide we’re not going to follow the buggy trend. Our mode of transport will involve putting one foot in front of the other. This is to counteract the guilt associated with the food and alcohol we are feverishly anticipating. Unfortunately, the island isn’t big enough to truly balance out the scales, but it is a holiday, so who cares? Already I can sense all the calories consumed at the airport (both liquid and solid) conspiring to decide where best to send their nasty little fat cells. Stomach usually wins the vote. Ah well, our first toast may well be to elasticised waists and tops that hide undone buttons!

Anyway, as our hotel comes into view the glass walled lifts can be seen randomly sliding up and down the outside of the 19 story building. Ooooh, can’t wait to see the view from inside one of those! Soon I’m clutching a room key in my hot little hands. Our room is on the 12th floor, and the view gets is increasingly spectacular as we ascend. Endless blue sky, white foam crested waves, and those hut things that all tropical islands seem to be adorned with.

The room’s pretty ordinary, but plenty big enough, and what a view! Surprisingly we found the bar immediately and decided that further travel was unnecessary at this point. It was much more appropriate to sink into the comfy cushions on the tropical style cane furniture, twirl ice in our pretty drinks with our long bendable straws and sigh deeply. Nothing to do but sip and smile as we let time trickle past before indulging in an hours massage. Aaaaahhh..

The relaxation centre had all the right new age music softly playing in the background, muted lighting, and oil-burners gently perfuming the air. We emerged an hour later with the usual post-massage symptoms; sleepy smiles, big creases down our faces, greasy bodies and puffy eyes. Bliss! We book another massage each and their ‘serenity package’ before departing (more about that later).

We didn’t talk to many other people while we were there. It felt a lot like a honeymoon. We got to talk and talk, and talk without phones ringing, worry about being tired, or having to be somewhere else. It was romance novel stuff really, holding hands, snuggling, staring deeply into each other’s eyes over long candlelit dinners. We played tennis twice and I won both times (rather satisfactorily too).

There are something like 10 restaurants and café’s on the island and I think we ate at almost all of them. It was busy of course, as the island was at 98% capacity. On one of the first nights we walked down to the waterfront and found there was an enormous line up at each of the places we’d planned on eating at. Ordinarily this would have induced groans, frowns, and lots of tsk, tsking and other unpleasant responses. This time we’d just woken from an afternoon nap, so it wasn’t a drama. We just kept strolling along past all the winding lines of hyperactive, whining children and overweight, sunburned parents.

Eventually we came to a restaurant without a line-up. Aaah, this will do nicely, we thought. A very nice young man with a toothpaste perfect smile treated us like royalty and showed us to a beautiful table overlooking the water. The waiter will be referred to as ‘eye-candy boy’ from this point forward. This is due to the fact that he was pretty cute and that was his nick name in my mind for the rest of the night. So, the table was laid with pristine white linen, candle glowing at just the right light to provide a soft-focus effect on the old crows-feet. Perfect. Leather bound menu handed to us reverentially. We breathed in the child-free ambience, opened the menu and very cleverly stifled our gasps at the prices. Jesus, Mary and Joseph! In true holiday spirit we decided that getting up and leaving at this point would be poor form. Thinking laterally, I solved the problem by strategically placing the beautiful linen napkins over the offending prices and fixed that!

Peering closely at Brett in the candlelight, I noticed that although this had solved the problem for me – the colour had not returned to his cheeks. Hmm, can’t be sitting here eating with a man who has begun to look alarmingly like a corpse. It was almost enough to put you off your food. White with a bit of green icky colour around the gills. Further quick thinking was needed, so I called over eye-candy boy and asked for a bottle of champagne. To Brett’s credit he didn’t flinch one bit! Ok, make a teeny-weeny bit, but it was barely noticeable.

Fortified with bubbles, I could see that Brett’s hands barely trembled now as he held the menu. Frugality be damned, we thought! Let’s go for the seafood platter for 2! Obviously there must be a world class chef lurking in the kitchen just itching to provide a most impressive feast for us? So, is the glass half full, or half empty? Are you imagining a disappointing meal, or something wonderful? Not one to be cruel and keep you in suspense – it was simply awesome. By far the best seafood this person has ever consumed. Eye-candy boy seemed to have a sixth sense when we needed something and would magically appear, teeth gleaming whitely, whisking away dirty dishes with subtle, almost indiscernible movement. There was no doubt the boy had style as well as looks. The food had style too. Even the candle sitting so serenely on the table had style. It didn’t flicker annoyingly like they sometimes do. It always makes me worry when candles go all stuttery and crazy. Strobe effects can cause seizures in certain people, and that would be a most unpleasant way to spend the remainder of the evening.

Well, that was the first 12 hrs of the holiday. The rest was pretty similar; delicious, expensive and magical.

Only one part of the trip that we could have done without. Visiting the Great Barrier Reef in a glass bottom boat has been on my list of 100 things to do before I die for years. There’s nothing better than crossing something else off the list. We booked a 1 and a half hour trip in the morning. The day didn’t look too promising, it was overcast but only a fine mist, rather than a downpour, so we were optimistic. How bad could it be? Stay tuned for part 3……………………….