The games my mind plays. |
At the end of my street, there's an intersection. The very end. It's not a street, really. If not a real street, than what? Not real. There's the intersection where I like to play at the end of the day. There are so many games, but I only play one. Again and again. It's my favorite. Sitting in the very center, I like to laugh my God damn head off as you drive by. You drive by with your windows up. Rolled all the way up. You roll them down, and your hand hangs out the window and over the door, as you speak. Yes, talk. You know I've wanted it for days. Months, perhaps. You say you can talk. You can stay. Yes, stay for awhile. And play our game of "X marks the spot." But only for a few moments. And I can't help but laugh. Why? Because it's just so fucking hilarious. "Only for a few moments?" Why not an hour? Why not forever? They'll change, you say. They always do. I glance upwards at the yellow box that will start our little game. Our favorite one, you know. Red, yellow, green. Red, yellow, green. Please no. Please don't. And I'm still laughing. It's just funny, you know? Funny. How I know. I know what's coming. I'm so good at this, I say. So damn good. They'll change, you say. Well, they always do. Quick, I say, quick. I laugh, drawing our "X" in the mud at my knees. Here is where, I say. Here is where I'll kneel before you, love. Right now. Just like yesterday. Do you love me? Oh I love you so very much, dear. I fucking love you. Just like I did yesterday. And the day before, and of course, every other day. Right here. 10, 9, 8... They're changing, you say. Already, I laugh, so soon? ...7, 6, 5... Please, no. Please don't. I laugh. Red, yellow, green. Red, yellow, green. Please. Now. Please. Red, now. Now, yellow. Green (Red, yellow) Green. I stare at my "X." Finally. Yes. ...4... You roll up your window. ...3... I can see you. They gather around the window, pointing at me. Laughing, laughing, we're all laughing. ...2... You drive forward. Horns blaring. Fender gleaming in the twilight. Headlights shining, so all I can see is my "X." Our little "X." And you know right where it is. Shining: red, yellow green. And you laughing. Them laughing. Me laughing. Laughing, laughing, laughing. Again, I laugh, and point at the "X." The only thing they can't see, laughing blindly. Waiting. Closer and closer. Closer. Blinded by your lights, guided by the "X" on our little picture on top of a little hill at the end of my street. Our little secret. Shhh, don't tell them, love. Our little roadmap. Only we know where to go. Choking, and laughing, and crying. Because that's what it's about, right? This. This is what we've been waiting for. Yes. The last thing I see... The last thing. Like yesterday, And the day before. Like any other day, as I kneel directly behind my "X" waiting for you. 1 and... I laugh one last time as your wheels hit my "X." You don't stop. You drive right through. Colliding with the place, the only place that matters. And you drive on, laughing until morning. And isn't it a shame? I didn't even have the time to ask you who won. |