True Love Waits

The lights come up and we see an empty classroom. There are between eight and fifteen chairs and a desk for the teacher. Sounds of teenage students can be heard from offstage. The students come routinely into the classroom, talking loudly to one another and making lots of noise. After the students come in and sit comfortably on their desks, Brian and Chuck enter. Brian is a suave, “ladies man”, and Chuck is a downright dorky, nerd. The noise calms down and Phil, the class bully stands up.

PHIL: Hey everybody!

Phil rushes over to Chuck.

PHIL: Look at me. I’m fulfilling the classic teenage bully stereotype, commonly depicted in Hollywood!

Phil starts pushing Chuck around. Two boys gather around Chuck and start pushing him around.

BOYS: We want to be stereotypes too!

The bullies continue to push Chuck around when Brian interferes.

BRIAN: Hey, stop it! If you mess with him, you mess with me. No one’s going to bully my friend around.
CHUCK: Thanks Brian.
BRIAN: (To Chuck) Quiet you!

Phil gets up into Brian’s face.

PHIL: You can’t protect him forever.
BRIAN: Yeah, well maybe I can’t always watch his back. Like when he’s in the bathroom… Or taking a shower… Or when he’s completely alone in the library without a person in sight, from five to seven on Monday through Thursday night, but I’ll be damned if you’re going to hurt my pal Chuck again!

The teacher, Ms. Tailor enters. She is somewhat old and looks like she has been teaching for one too many years.

MS. TAILOR: What’s going on here!?

Phil and Brian act innocent.

PHIL AND BRIAN: Nothing Ms. Tailor.
PHIL: We were just going over a scene from a play where the two characters threaten each other.
MS. TAILOR: Oh, well that’s good. I’d hate to think you two boys were fighting.
BRIAN: Oh, you’re silly Ms. Tailor.

The teacher walks to her desk while Brian and Phil shoot each other mean looks. Brian and Phil take their seats. Brian sits next to Chuck and Phil sits next to his buddies.

MS. TAILOR: Now class, today we are just going to sit and read our textbooks because Ms. Tailor has a hangover. Please begin reading on chapter twelve and if you finish the book early… Uh, just go to sleep or something.

A goth girl named Cicilia raises her hand.

MS. TAILOR: Yes, Cicilia?
CICILIA: I accidentally lit my book on fire while summoning spirits last night.
MS. TAILOR: Wow… Did it work?
CICILIA: Somewhat. The only person I could get to talk to me was my Grandpa Joe.
MS. TAILOR: Interesting, did he tell you what heaven’s like?
CICILIA: Yeah, they play yahtzee a lot, but that’s about it.
MS. TAILOR: Okay… You’re a very strange child Cicilia. Just share a book with your neighbor. Now be quiet class, I need some time to let the medication kick in.

The class goes on to read their textbooks. Chuck taps Brian on the shoulder.

BRIAN: (Aside) What’s up?
CHUCK: (Aside) I need your help.
BRIAN: Sure, what do you need?
CHUCK: You know that girl Melissa?
BRIAN: The one sitting by Ms. Tailor’s desk?
CHUCK: Yeah. I want to ask her out.
BRIAN: Alright! I thought you were starting to drift away from chicks for good.
CHUCK: (Loud) What?!
MS. TAILOR: Be quiet Chuck.
CHUCK: Sorry.
CHUCK: (Aside to Brian) Look, will you help me or not?
BRIAN: Sure man, I’ll help.
CHUCK: How do I even talk to her?
BRIAN: Just leave it all to me, Chuck. I’ll write her a note that will sweep her off her feet.
CHUCK: Really?
BRIAN: Yeah, women can never resist a beautiful poem.
CHUCK: Thanks.

Brian starts to write a note. The telephone rings. Ms. Tailor answers it.

MS. TAILOR: Hello...? Oh, hi honey...! No, my husband isn’t home… But, I’m with a class now… How is he going to find out...? You’re just being overly cautious, sweet heart… Just leave that to me, and if he bothers us well, you can take care of him… Love you too, bye.

Brian finishes the note. He gives it to Chuck.

BRIAN: Now, just give it to Melissa and she’ll fall for you in no time.

Chuck whispers to the person in front of him to pass the note, though he whispers a bit too loudly.

CHUCK: Psst! Psssst! Pass this to Melissa!
MS. TAILOR: Chuck! Are you passing notes to Melissa?
CHUCK: How did you know?
MS. TAILOR: Would you like to share that note with the class?
CHUCK: Uh, no?
MS. TAILOR: Ha! Too bad! It’s embarrassing moments like these that make my day worthwhile. Now get up here and read it!

Chuck walks up to the front of the class.

CHUCK: (Reading note)
Oh sweet Melissa,

Your eyes are like tides,
Making waves in my heart,
Your beauty will make strides,
In the passion of art,

So unclasp your love,
And give it to me,
What have you got to lose?
I promise I’ll be sweet!

I’ll be your little cutie pie,
The diamond sparkle in your eye,
So let me kiss those ruby lips,
Then maybe I’ll give you some tips!

Chuck laughs uncomfortably. After a beat, the entire class, including Ms. Tailor, erupts in laughter.

PHIL: No wonder you’ve never had a girlfriend!

A slender boy, Robbie, steals the note away from Chuck.

ROBBIE: So that’s why he’s never been kissed!

Everyone but Chuck and Brian laughs hysterically.

MS. TAILOR: Nice poem! No really, you’re the next Bill Shakespeare!

The laughing is still going strong. Chuck looks horribly embarrassed.

MS. TAILOR: Okay class, settle down!

The class slowly grows quiet.

MS. TAILOR: (Sarcastically) I would confiscate that note, but I wouldn’t want to deprive you the honor of having it published. Seriously, I know a good framing place if you want to preserve that beautiful poem forever.

The class laughs again. There is the sound of a bell and everyone forgets about Chuck and gathers their backpacks.

MS. TAILOR: Have a good day everyone, I know I will now.

Everyone exits except Brian and Chuck. There is silence between them. Then, Chuck erupts.

CHUCK: What is wrong with you!? That wasn’t even a good poem! I thought you were supposed to be good at this, and instead you embarrass me in front of the entire class? Do you have a learning disability or something?!
BRIAN: Hey, don’t blame this on me man. Where did you learn how to pass a note? You let yourself get caught.
CHUCK: Well… Damn you! I guess it was kind of my fault.
BRIAN: That’s alright. I guess it was kind of your fault too.
CHUCK: Now what am I going to do? Melissa doesn’t like me and the entire class thinks I’m a loser.
BRIAN: Okay, but let’s try and focus on recent developments.
CHUCK: Hey!
BRIAN: Sorry, Chuck.
CHUCK: How am I supposed to get the girl now?

Brian thinks to himself.

BRIAN: You know, I don’t think you were ready to handle that girl.
CHUCK: What do you mean?
BRIAN: I think you need some practice before you set your standards that high.
CHUCK: And just how am I supposed to do that?

Brian thinks again.

BRIAN: I got it...! No, never mind. That’s illegal and you’re not pretty enough.
CHUCK: What!?
BRIAN: Eureka! I’ll just set you up on a blind date! You could get all the dating practice you need on a simple blind date.
CHUCK: A blind date? That’s crazy. Besides, where are you going to get a girl to go along with it?
BRIAN: I have a lot of loser—I mean, relationship challenged friends who are dying to go out on a date with you.
CHUCK: Really?
BRIAN: Of course.
CHUCK: Well, it sounds completely crazy, but… What the heck, I’ll do it! When can we set something up?
BRIAN: How about seven o’clock tonight at Le Fromage Château?
CHUCK: Sounds romantic.
BRIAN: Fantastic. Well, I’m gonna be late to my next class, so I’ll see you tonight.
CHUCK: Absolutely.
BRIAN: Don’t be late.

Lights fade

Our lights come up again and we are in a restaurant. The set is sparse, with a table with chairs on stage right and another table with chairs on stage left. A teenage girl is sitting alone at the SR set. Brian is standing by the SL set wearing a fake, French mustache and holding a menu. He is dressed in waiter attire. Chuck enters SL, dressed in nice, geek clothing.

CHUCK: Excuse me sir, I’m looking for a young woman who… Brian… Is that you?

Brian moves closer to Chuck.

BRIAN: Don’t I look cool?! I stole this outfit from a French guy while he was in the bathroom.
CHUCK: Why are you here?
BRIAN: You didn’t think I’d let you come here alone did you? I’m just here for support, in case you do something horribly wrong.
CHUCK: Won’t the girl find out that it’s you though?
BRIAN: Relax Cautious Cathy; I am a master of disguise. I even have a fake accent.
CHUCK: Oh God, this date is going to scar me for life, isn’t it?
BRIAN: Don’t worry Chuck, I’m here. Ladies can’t resist the B-Man. (Points to himself) now, your date is over at the next table, so just put on the charm and let her fall in love with you.
CHUCK: Hey Brian.
BRIAN: What’s up, Chuck?
CHUCK: Thanks.
BRIAN: My pleasure, now go bag that babe.

Chuck smiles and crosses SR to the girl.

During this entire monologue, the girl doesn’t say a word or make a sound. It is important that she doesn’t talk, but simply nods her head along with whatever Chuck is saying.

CHUCK: Hi. I’m Chuck and you – are beautiful… Oh God, I didn’t mean that to seem like I was hitting on you. I just wanted to sound suave and sophisticated or, something. Please don’t take that as a perverted reference to try and get you into bed or anything, - not that I’m saying you’re not beautiful or anything. You are very beautiful and I would have no problem with getting you in bed but, - Oh God, I am so sorry. Just don’t listen to what I’m saying because honestly I have no idea what I’m talking about, the words are sort of spewing from my mouth as I think of them. You are so beautiful.

The girl just nods her head along.

CHUCK: Can you… Can you hear what I’m saying?

The girl shakes her head, “no”.

CHUCK: Oh thank God, you’re deaf! I guess I could’ve said anything to you and you would never understand what I’m saying! I could have suggested that beat up old people with ping pong paddles while watching cheesy horror movies and you would have never understood what I was talking about!

Chuck sits down comfortably at the table and sighs in relief. The girl’s expression changes to outrage as she slaps Chuck and hastily exits SR. Chuck is in awe. He stands up and moves over to Brian who is SL.

CHUCK: What was that all about?
BRIAN: Well, she is deaf, but that doesn’t mean she can’t read lips.

Chuck smacks his forehead. A girl sits enters SR and sits at the table.

CHUCK: I am such a screw up.
BRIAN: No, no. Okay, that one was your fault, but the next date will go a lot smoother.
CHUCK: What next date?
BRIAN: I didn’t tell you?
CHUCK: What next date?
BRIAN: Well, I sort of set you up on three dates at once.
CHUCK: What!?
BRIAN: Relax. This date will be easy. Sheila is very easy to please so it’ll be hard for you to mess it up like the last one. I’ll even help you on this date.
CHUCK: I’m going to kill you.
BRIAN: Trust me. In half an hour you will be thanking me.

Chuck crosses over to Sheila, who is sitting SR. Chuck is nervous, but eventually lightens up.

CHUCK: Hi, you must be Sheila.
SHEILA: Hello Chuck, nice to meet you.
CHUCK: The pleasure is all mine.
SHEILA: Oh, that’s so sweet of you.

Chuck sits down. He looks over to Brian. Brian gives him a thumbs up.

CHUCK: I’m sorry if I seem nervous. This is my first blind date.
SHEILA: Oh, mine too. I was sweating like a pig before I got here.
CHUCK: Oh, so that’s what that smell is.
SHEILA: (outraged) What?!
CHUCK: Uhh… Nothing, I was just saying that I thought I smelled a fragrance on you that I had never had the uh, - privilege, of smelling before.
SHEILA: Oh… Well, I am wearing a new perfume.
CHUCK: It’s very lovely.
SHEILA: Why thank you.

Brian walks over to the table. He changes his voice to sound like a Frenchmen, but it ends up sounding more Mexican than anything.

BRIAN: Welcome to Le Fromage Château. I am Jean, uh… Jean Reno and I will be your waiter for this evening.
CHUCK: Wow, an authentic Italian experience.
BRIAN: I am French you American pig.
SHEILA: Either way, we are very impressed with this charming little restaurant.
BRIAN: Thank you madam. Can I get you two anything to drink?
SHEILA: Yes, I’ll have water and he will have a coke with just a hint of lemon.
CHUCK: Uh, okay.
BRIAN: I will have those drinks right out in no time.
CHUCK: Thank you signor.

Brian exits.

SHEILA: So tell me about yourself.
CHUCK: Well, you already know my name so that’s a dead end. I was born here and have lived here my entire life. Most recently I started my senior year at Northwestern High School. I am the President of the Chess Club and district champion Mathletes… Um, why don’t you tell me about yourself?
SHEILA: Sure. I was born and raised here, though I did live in Torra County when I was in the hospital – but that was only for the last three years so I don’t count that. When I was fifteen I was sent to the hospital for… Well, that’s not a big deal. To tell you the truth, I didn’t think forensic science was that advanced, I mean, they found my teeth marks all over the body and they convicted me on that alone! Can you believe that?

Chuck looks terrified.

CHUCK: Will you excuse me for a second?
SHEILA: Sure thing.

Sheila grabs his hand and looks into his eyes.

SHEILA: You know Chuck… I think you could be the one.

Chuck smiles politely and fights for his hand back. Brian enters SL. Chuck leaves the table and crosses to Brian.

CHUCK: What the hell is wrong with you Brian?
BRIAN: What?
CHUCK: She is insane!
BRIAN: I thought you liked bad girls.
CHUCK: I don’t like being found dead in an alley somewhere with teeth marks all over my body!
BRIAN: Will you calm down, she’s not that bad.
SHEILA: (Yelling to Chuck) Oh honey bunny, I just thought of the most wonderful idea. We could name our first child Sydney if it’s a girl and Charles if it’s a boy!
CHUCK: (To Brian) Great, maybe we could change the boys last name to Manson while we’re at it.
BRIAN: You’re being over dramatic. If you don’t like her, just tell her that you don’t think it would work out.
CHUCK: But, she might kill me.
BRIAN: Don’t be such a wuss. Get in there and break up with her.

Chuck crosses to Sheila.

CHUCK: Sheila, there’s something we have to talk about.

Two men, dressed in white clothes enter SL.

MAN ONE: Looks like we finally found you Sheila.
MAN TWO: Just come back to the hospital with us and everything will be okay. We promise not to hurt you.

Sheila gets up from her seat grabs Chuck and pulls him up. She takes a butter knife from the table and holds it to Chuck’s throat.

SHEILA: Don’t move any closer or I’ll kill him!
MAN ONE: That’s a butter knife, Sheila.
SHEILA: Then… Don’t move any closer or I’ll butter him good!
MAN TWO: Get her!

The two men run toward Sheila. Sheila throws Chuck to the ground and tries to fight off the two men, who eventually capture her.

SHEILA: I will always love you Chuck!

The men carry Sheila off SR. Chuck moves over to Brian who is containing laughter.

CHUCK: Oh, you think this is funny?
BRIAN: No, I swear.

Brian bursts out laughing.

CHUCK: I hate you.

Chuck starts to exit but Brian stops him.

BRIAN: Look Chuck, I’m sorry that tonight hasn’t worked out for you, but don’t let those past two dates get you down. You only have one more to go and you would be forever branded as a coward if you didn’t go through with it. Please, just bare with this one last date.
CHUCK: (Struggles) Well… Fine, let’s just get this over with.
BRIAN: Great. She isn’t here yet, so just wait at the table and try to have fun with her.

Chuck sits down at the SL table. After a beat, a pretty girl wearing a mime costume enters. Chuck has clearly had enough with the night.

CHUCK: Oh no.

The mime girl shakes Chuck’s hand giddily.

CHUCK: I can’t do this.

Chuck storms out. Brian moves over to the mime girl.

CHUCK: What was that all about?

The mime girl shrugs her shoulders. Brian begins to hit on the mime girl.

CHUCK: So… Tell me about yourself.

The mime girl mimes begins to mime her entire life.

CHUCK: Ah, interesting…

Fade out.

When our lights come back up, we are in the classroom again. Everyone is already sitting down and Ms. Tailor is passed out on the desk. The room is quiet. Phil and his friends look very conspicuous though. Cicilia walks up to Chuck.

CICILIA: Hey, Chuck? I have a question for you.
CHUCK: Sure, what is it?
CICILIA: Would you like to go to the prom with me?
CHUCK: Oh, wow, I don’t know what to say… Of course I’ll go to the prom with you!
CICILIA: Wait, I just remembered something. I don’t date jerks who want to take advantage of deaf people.
CHUCK: (To Brian) you told her!?
BRIAN: No… The deaf girl was Cicilia’s sister.
CHUCK: Oh God.

Cicilia sits back down. Phil and his buddies slowly gather around Chuck.

PHIL: NOW!

Phil and his gang launch crushed balls of paper at Chuck.

BRIAN: Hey, cut it out!
CHUCK: Stop Brian, I don’t want you fighting my battles for me anymore.
BRIAN: But they’ll torture you for the rest of the year!
CHUCK: I’m willing to take that risk.
PHIL: You’re dead punk!
CHUCK: Man I hate stereotypes.
PHIL: Hey Chuck. I took a nice trip down to Le Fromage Château last night.
CHUCK: You were there!?
PHIL: Yep, and I told everybody.
CHUCK: (To himself) my life is over!
PHIL: You are such a loser.

Phil and the two boys continue throwing paper at Chuck. The bell rings and Phil’s gang drops what they are doing and exits. Ms. Tailor wakes up and waits till everyone except Brian and Chuck leave.

MS. TAILOR: Well boys that was a fun little time you two must have had last night.

Ms. Tailor laughs to herself as she exits. .

CHUCK: There are so many things I hate about you; I don’t even know whether to begin by beating you with a shovel or throwing my voice out by screaming obscenities at you.
BRIAN: You can begin by forgiving me.
CHUCK: Why do you deserve my forgiveness?
BRIAN: Because I was being a really big jerk last night.
CHUCK: So what else is new?
BRIAN: Look Chuck, I’m really sorry, what more can I say?
CHUCK: Say that you’ll never do anything like that again.
BRIAN: I swear on my life I won’t.

Chuck struggles whether to forgive Brian or not.

CHUCK: Well, that’ll do I guess.
BRIAN: Perfect! Let’s celebrate.
CHUCK: How’s that?
BRIAN: Let me take you out to dinner tonight.
CHUCK: Are you hitting on me?
BRIAN: No, just as a friend apologizing to another friend.

Chuck thinks to himself for a moment.

CHUCK: Well, I guess so.
BRIAN: Great!
CHUCK: Just as long as you promise not to do anything strange, like you did last time.
BRIAN: I promise.
CHUCK: So where are we going?
BRIAN: Uh, Le Fromage Château?
CHUCK: It would be nice to actually eat there for once.
BRIAN: Excellent, it’s settled. Meet you there at seven?
CHUCK: On the dot.
BRIAN: Well, see you there.
CHUCK: Bye.

Brian exits. Lights down.

Lights come up and we are in the restaurant again. Chuck wanders onstage, looking for Brian. Brian is no where to be found.

CHUCK: Oh Brian! Here boy, come on! Where can he be? He’s never late. Something weird is going on here.

Brian enters. He is dressed up like a woman, with a wig, a pretty dress and lipstick. Chuck doesn’t notice him. Brian sneaks up behind Chuck and pinches him on the butt. Chuck jumps up.

CHUCK: Hey lady, what are you doing?!

Brian’s voice is a very high pitched attempt at mimicking a girl’s voice. He never loses the accent in this scene.

BRIAN: Sorry sweet cheeks.

It takes Chuck a moment to realize it’s Brian.

CHUCK: Oh no. No, no, no! I am not doing this.
BRIAN: What’s the matter Chuck? Cat got your tongue?
CHUCK: Yes, and that’s the only thing that’s going to get my tongue tonight ma’am.
BRIAN: You’re funny.

Brian giggles.

CHUCK: What the hell is wrong with you Brian?
BRIAN: What? My name isn’t Brian, it’s Brianna.
CHUCK: I’m sorry. What the hell is wrong with you, “Brianna”?
BRIAN: Nothing is wrong with me. You just have a fear of intimacy. That’s why you push everyone away from you. But thanks to me, you now have the opportunity to have a stress free date and not have to worry about anything else.
CHUCK: You have problems, “Brianna”.
BRIAN: So why don’t we sit down?
CHUCK: I hate you.

Chuck shakes his head and reluctantly sits down.

BRIAN: So, tell me about yourself.
CHUCK: Well, I was born and raised here. I’ve just started my senior year at Northwestern High School--

While Chuck gives his speech, Brian takes his foot and rubs it against Chuck’s leg, under the table. Chuck feels Brian’s foot and jumps in his seat.

CHUCK: What are you doing!

Melissa, (the object of Chuck’s affection) enters dressed as a waitress. She is carrying menus.

CHUCK: That’s it, “Brianna”, we’re through!

Chuck stands and attempts to run offstage, but instead runs right into Melissa. She drops all of her menus on the floor. Chuck doesn’t realize it’s Melissa quite yet, as he picks the menus off of the floor.

CHUCK: I am so sorry ma’am; I didn’t even see you there.

Chuck looks up at Melissa and realizes it’s the girl of his dreams.

CHUCK: Melissa? What, what are you…?
MELISSA: Doing here?
CHUCK: Yeah, that’s it. What are you doing here?
MELISSA: I work here.
CHUCK: You’re a waitress?
MELISSA: That’s what my boss tells me.
CHUCK: Oh, God I must look like a complete idiot.
MELISSA: Not one bit. You did look a little like an idiot after you failed to ask me out when you read that wonderful poem. I’m willing to forgive you for that, though.
CHUCK: Is this a joke, cause if it is please tell me so I can run away.
MELISSA: This isn’t a joke. I would never be that cruel to you. I see how the kids in class treat you and it disgusts me. You’re smart, funny and look pretty damn cute to me.
CHUCK: Wow Melissa, pinch me, I think I’m dreaming.

Melissa pinches Chuck.

CHUCK: Ouch, not that hard.
MELISSA: Sorry. Say, my shift is over in five minutes. How about you treat me to a movie and maybe, if I’m lucky, you’ll give me a kiss at the end of the night.
CHUCK: Sounds amazing. Shall we go?
MELISSA: Absolutely.

Chuck and Melissa exit. Brian is almost in tears. He is still talking in the girly voice.

BRIAN: I’ll never find that special someone!

Ms. Tailor enters. She looks extremely interested in Brian. Ms. Tailor sits down at the table with him.

MS. TAILOR: Hey hot stuff. I’ve never seen you in here before.
BRIAN: Ms. Tailor?
MS. TAILOR: Please, call me Sarah.

She puts her hand on Brian’s and we fade out slowly as Brian squirms to get away.

The End.