Excerpt from WINDS: Onakimo and Seki

         Everything beautiful has its moment and then passes away. Sometimes these moments last for a while and other times they are fleeting. It’s quite amazing how it’s not until a person realizes how lucky they have it that they are robbed of that very thing. Beauty. How impermanent. How wondrous.

         She leaned against the chilled glass, watching the people rushing below in search of last minute Christmas gifts. Though life certainly hadn’t been fruitful in the past decade, people continued on living the only way they knew how.

         Every once in a while, the raven-haired woman would acknowledge the jealousy she felt. How blissful would the scenario be? On that night, if she were a normal woman living a normal life, she might be a home, tending to her child, waiting ever so patiently for her husband to come home to her. He would briskly walk through the door, bringing the winter weather sweeping in behind him. Then, take her into his arms, gaze into her soft brown eyes, and claim her lips as his own. Their child, with his mother’s nose and father’s eyes, would rush to greet him. The three would embrace happily, enjoying the time spent with one another.

         Regardless, she wasn’t a normal woman living a normal life. At that moment, there was no house displaying decorations of the season; there was no child tugging on her skirts begging for a sweet. Her husband would not be coming home with a smile on his face. No tender caress. No lovingly placed kiss.

         She was, in fact, in a rather elaborate penthouse suite with a man whom she loved madly. The woman flicked her eyes for but an instant to steal a vision of his kingly form. This man lounged in the queen-sized bed, exposed from the waist up. An expensive cigar hung loosely between his lips. Soft black locks accented with strands of silver, which were normally so perfectly placed, had become unruly due to the night’s activities. Despite his considerable age, he still retained the handsome face of his youth. His skin even now, though lined with faint wrinkles, was soft, yet his hands were rough, a not so uncommon characteristic of a gunman. The abdomen was still quite defined, proof that the man often found time in his busy schedule to work out. His arms and legs? As toned and strong as they had ever been.

         A subtle sigh escaped her lips as she felt his gaze heavy upon her. The woman couldn’t help but to be drawn to the man, her life revolving around him much like the earth to the sun. As her rich cocoa eyes rose, they met jade green. Words could not quite express how much she loved those eyes. Never before had she seen such a color on a human being until she met Onakimo Kaga. They allured her, ensnared her, and, finally, imprisoned her.

         A heartfelt smile tugged at his pale pink lips, as he motioned for her to come join him in bed. The desire in those jade orbs was no longer. Every time after the first, the black haired beauty knew what the gesture meant. There would be no more passion that night; he wanted, simply, to hold her in his arms until she fell asleep. In the morning, she might find herself in his embrace or, more frequently, alone in a bed not made for just one person.

         He put out the nearly finished cigar, placing it in an ashtray stationed nearby, and outstretched his arm, waiting for her to place her hand in his own. Though she wanted to lie at his side, eventually finding her way to his chest, there was something keeping her at the double doors. It was against those doors that she watched intently at the hustle and bustle of normalcy. Then again, this would never come to her. Why should something unreachable hinder something that was reachable?

         “Kobayashi-san?” he called, though not at all demandingly. His deep voice filling her ears only broke the spell the glass held on her even more. Although her heart grew heavier when he used formal speech to address her. Didn’t he know by now that just Seki would do? “The expression on your face saddens me, my dear. You look like a stray that cannot find her way home. Do you need assistance, my love? Or is there a reason you will not come?”

         She couldn’t help but swoon when he spoke such words to her. Although some women might find them to be hurtful, this was not how he meant it. These pleas were filled with nothing but longing for her.

         “Please return,” he urged her. “For your master is sick with worry.”

         Normally, Onakimo Kaga didn’t speak in such an archaic tongue. However in the bedroom, this was a different story. It was quite possible he did it simply because he knew how much she loved hearing that type of speech.

         This entranced her so much, in fact, that her feet seemed to move toward him on their own. The effect he had on her was seemingly unreal, yet there she was, half way to the bed.

         However, her gait ceased when a phone’s ring sounded through the air. Both the eyes of the man and the woman half his age fell upon the device laying on the cherry nightstand. It rang once more before jade orbs returned to her, dismissing the phone altogether. She, on the contrary, could not ignore it so easily.

         “Forget it,” Onakimo spoke reassuringly. “Into these arms, my wayward pet.”

         “It might be something important, Kaga.”

         The man sighed heavily, shaking his head in disbelief. “You know who is on the other line, don’t you?”

         She did know who was on the other line. That ring tone was programmed for his home number, which meant his wife was more than likely calling. As much as she had no desire for him to answer that call, there were some things that he needed to see to. His family was one of these responsibilities.

         “I do,” Seki stated plainly.

         Onakimo nodded in agreement and took to his feet. No longer did the silk covers shield him from her eyes. Instead, he stood momentarily in only what he was endowed with at birth, his eyes fixed on her form. Seki wondered, in that brief pause of his, what could have possibly been running through his mind. Why that gaze? Then, as if the instance never took place, she watched the company President don a near by deep red robe, tying it loosely around his waist as a sure sign that it would be coming off the moment he returned to her.

         Picking up the cell phone, he cleared his voice before answering, “Onakimo.” This was the only gruff word sounding from his mouth. Casually, he stepped out of the bedroom, leaving the door cracked behind him.

         The number of times his wife called for him while they were together was entirely irrelevant. There was something strangely awkward about it. Seki was well aware that Onakimo Yori knew about the affair that had been going on for five years. Never once had she felt that she was committing an unmerited act against the wedded woman.

         However, as she stood there in between those enchanted doors and that bed, something in her mind clicked for the first time. Perhaps it was the position she was standing in. That is, before her was a long oval mirror placed on a wooden support.

         Something unexplained brought her hands to the ties of her short black robe. Ever so slowly, one tie was pulled out of the carelessly made bow, allowing the front to flutter open. With a leisured shrug, the silk mass fell from her smooth shoulders into a crumpled mass on the beige carpeted floor. There she stood in front of the mirror completely bare and entranced.

         It was then that she brought her long fingered hand to the valley between her slightly less than average sized breasts and looked at herself with careful scrutiny. She, Kobayashi Seki, was nothing like the woman her lover married.

         Yori was a woman with the most feminine of features. Her eyes glittered a deep hazel color. Long chestnut locks fell in perfectly formed ringlets over her shoulders and down her back. The face that made the woman who she was hardly showed any signs of her age, no doubt because of the gentle care she administered to her flawless apricot skin. Traveling down a swan like neck, one would find a carefully sculpted collarbone above full, nearly perfectly rounded breasts. Yori’s stomach was no doubt soft and her hipbones barely showing. The thighs were slender and well formed right down to well-manicured feet.

         Seki thought herself to be quite different. Instead of sparkling eyes, hers were nothing but a mundane brown. Her black locks hung loose and straight, with no fuss from her but a simple brush through twice a day. The face had no distinct or charming features that she could find. The assassin was well toned, leaving her body absent of that softness that the older woman had. Above all else, her peach skin didn’t glow after a night of passion, unlike that of Onakimo Yori, who no doubt radiated in the passing moments after climax more than the sun on its brightest day.

         Who was it that said, “All that we are not stares back at what we are?” In the mirror she finally saw what she had turned a blind eye to all along. Seki knew that Kaga was not in love with her, yet he was in love with his wife, though circumstance made it impossible for that love to come into fruition. Now, she saw that the woman who shared matrimony with her most beloved was all and far more what she could ever be by means of beauty. Why was Onakimo with her? She once entertained the idea that she could compete with his wife, but now all hope disappeared. Suddenly, that scarlet mark in the shape of the letter A seemed to rise to the surface of her skin. Now, she could truly see herself for what she was, nothing more than an adulteress.

         It never occurred to her that Kaga had entered the room until she heard his heavy tread passing behind her to his side of the bed. In the mirror’s reflection, she saw that the cell phone was still held up to his ear, and that a mildly annoyed expression held his face. The older man nodded, though his wife would be unable to see this confirmation. Then anger flashed across his face.

         “I know it’s Christmas Eve, Yori, but I’m working late tonight,” he explained in a bitter manner.

         That phrase pierced her as if it had been an arrow through her heart. How often had he said he had been working late when actually he had been with her the whole time? It was as if it had lost it’s normal implication and been born anew, taking on the carnal connotation it never had before.

         When the sound of the phone closing sounded through the room, she was jolted from her realm of thought. Two strong arms wound themselves around her, one placed on her stomach lovingly, and the other on her upper chest. Her heart began to beat so lively; she imagined it just might break her chest. A nuzzle came from her lover, his stubble scratching her neck. Lightly chapped lips met with her skin until they found themselves satisfied below her temple. The only thing she could bring herself to do was cover the hand on her chest with her own.

         “Did you find yourself overheating, dearest?” he jested. “You could have simply turned down the heat. Though I quite prefer your method of correction.”

         Seki managed a meek chuckle. How might a man react upon finding his lover standing naked in the middle of the room? That explained the trail of kisses no doubt. One thing seemed to puzzle her though. It was as if he didn’t care that his wife had just called. They resumed their affair as if it had only been a business associate. Before this it did not bother her, now it did beyond measure, though to shrug him off of her would only draw attention to the surfacing complications.

         “You’re shivering, Seki.”

         As her mind was reeling, she hardly noticed how cold she had become. Surely enough when she looked down, two dusty pink buds stood erect from lack of warmth. Then the recognition of what he had called her came. It was her name, so lightly and sweetly flowing from his tongue. That was a sure sign of genuine concern for her.

         Before he had returned, she had contemplated leaving him for the sake of his family. All those years she had robbed from his wife and daughter had to come with some sort of price. Losing him would be unbearable. At the time, it was the only thing she saw fit.

         Now, her outlook differed slightly. As she stood there rapped in his arms, she didn’t know if she could bring herself to end the affair. Seki loved him so desperately and truly. Without him in her life, she would be nothing but a hollow shell of a woman.

         There, she turned around, her chest meeting the smooth silk of his robe. Her eyes struggled to hold back tears that would come anyway. They focused on his Adam’s apple before subconsciously traveling up to his strong chin, parted lips, lovable nose, until they fell upon those enrapturing jade eyes.

         “Let me lay with you, Onakimo-san,” she begged faintly, as if it were the last thing she would ever ask of him.

         “Of course. It would be my pleasure.”

         Not long after, Seki found her upper body laying on his, her head resting over the left side of his chest. The gentle thud-thumps calmed her nerves. That would be the moment she would relive for the rest of her days, her skin against his, the light smell of his expensive cologne, the feel of his fingers running through her hair, massaging her scalp every so often, and the beating of his heart whispering in her ears.

         “Do you think I’m a bad husband?” he inquired of her seemingly out of nowhere.

         “I’m in no position to answer that question, Kaga.”

         She had been caught off guard and had to make something up quickly. Where did that come from? Why, of all the things he could have said, did he ask that? Did she think he was a bad husband? There were improvements to be made no doubt, but he was a good man who loved his wife deeply. If she had only paid proper attention to him in the first place, he wouldn’t be where he was now, which was laying naked in bed with her.

         “Yori seems to think so. She reasons that I deliberately ignore her and Rokisa. Tonight she confessed to me that she was happy with her decision to refuse me the son I longed for.”

         Seki heard Kaga continue on, but her mind, at the moment, was replaying the last sentence he said. He had wanted a son? Suddenly, her stomach flip-flopped making her feel as if she were going to vomit. Her lower regions burned when the admission was made. The baby she had carried over one year ago had been a boy. She loved that child with all of her heart but couldn’t see how it would fit into her life and be safe. The night before the abortion, she tried to explain all the reasons she was going to go through with it to Kaga’s child with soft coos. The straight face didn’t last long. Soon, she found herself in fetal position, hugging her stomach, and weeping non-stop. Seki wanted that baby more than anything. With the decision made though, the last thing she wanted to do was walk into that abortion clinic alone. Part of her was afraid she wouldn’t be able to go through with it, and the other part wanted to hear his voice gently reassuring her that everything would be okay, all was for the best. In the end, the black haired woman stepped into the clinic with no one at her side, tears filling her eyes like that very moment.

         “What’s wrong, my love?” he asked, feeling the warm liquid fall on his chest.

         “Oh, Kaga, I’ve done something unforgivable,” Seki sobbed.

         This was one of those big moments that she wished would never come. He would know that night about the baby she carried not long ago. Whether he would be upset or happy, she didn’t know. However, her guilty conscious would be cleansed. If he were to be angry with her, Kaga might end it all, which was what had to be done anyway. There would be no need for an explanation of any kind. She would find a new job somewhere else in the harsh world and live out the remainder of her short days in solitude.

         He shifted and lifted her chin so he could see tear stained eyes. “Unforgivable? I hardly think any act you committed would be warranted unforgivable.”

         “We were pregnant. It was a boy, Kaga. And I…I-” she tried to explain between choking sobs. She couldn’t bear to look at him, to watch his face become enraged when he heard the news.

         Instead, she found herself in a warm embrace. They were both sitting on their legs, and she was crying into his chest. He simply ran his fingers through her hair soothingly.

         “Please continue,” he urged in a composed voice.

         “I had an abortion.”

         Everything was out in the open. Seki waited patiently to hear his answer. Seconds seemed like hours to her. What would become of them now? How angry would he be to hear that she had killed the son he desired?

         “You should have told me, Seki. I would have made sure you and our son were taken care of,” he spoke ever so tenderly, pulling her body closer to his.

         “You’re not mad at me?” she inquired, quite befuddled.

         “Not in the least bit.”

         Seki was shocked. How could he still care for her and hold her against himself when he knew what she had done? Where was the fit of anger? It all seemed rather unbelievable to her. No expectant father could just be okay with something like that. She kept this from him for a whole year. Perhaps the concept that bothered her the most was why couldn’t he be displeased with the whole thing. Why couldn’t he end it all? Why did it have to come down to her telling him to walk out of her life?

         “Then you must have not heard me correctly.”

         “You did what you thought best for our child. That’s enough for me.”

         She had expected it all to end; yet he blatantly forgave her for what she had done. As much as she wanted to remain enveloped in his arms, Seki couldn’t bring herself to remain there. Slowly, the black haired woman pulled away from the man she so desperately loved, creating an awkward gap. Resting her hands in her lap, cocoa eyes wouldn’t dare to even catch a glimpse of ensnaring jade. If the circumstance had been any other, his deep trust in her would not bother the young assassin in the least. However, she had stolen his child from him. There would be no birthday parties or first steps, no first day of school or family vacations. To accept this without so much as a ‘why’ bothered her considerably.

         “I’m sorry,” she spoke with a wavering voice.

         “There is no reason to be sorry. I understand that you thought it best if our child not suffer in such an unsafe world, that you didn’t want him to be in danger all his life because of who his parents are,” he sympathized, bring one hand to her clammy shoulder.

         “No,” she began softly, “I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore, Kaga.”

         “What are you referring to?”

         “This,” she cried out. “You and I! It’s tearing apart your family. It’s Christmas Eve, Kaga. You should be spending time with your loved ones.”

         “I love-”

         “No, you don’t. At least not in the same way you love Yori.” Cocoa finally met jade. “Please, don’t make this any harder than it already is. If I don’t stop this tonight, I’ll never be able to.”

         There was a long uncomfortable silence. Seki searched his face frantically for any sign of what he was passing through his mind. Watching his eyes bore into her own only confirmed her thoughts. He didn’t even know what to think; he was split into two halves like herself. Eventually he opened his mouth to speak, but closed it when no words came. Then, a heavy, disappointed sigh filled the deathly silent room.

         “Alright, then,” he spoke slowly.

         She thought for but an instant that she saw tears misting that beautiful jade. With a gulp though, this notion disappeared as he gained control over his emotions. Was he really having such a hard time with this as she? If so, was it possible that he felt for her more than he ever let on?

         “If this is what you want.” Without daring to give her time to confirm the statement, he continued, “I imagine things might be awkward in the workplace. You can have a paid leave. Take as long as you like. And, if for some reason you can’t bring yourself to come back, I understand.”

         That was it? Was this how it was all going to end? Some phrase she had heard somewhere along the line echoed in her head. “The hardest thing about walking away from you is knowing you won’t run after me.” She had done just that. Seki baited him. There were only two possibilities. Seki wanted to hear him beg her not to do this, that they would find a way to work everything out. However, she received the other option and felt rather unfulfilled, cheated even. He didn’t take the bait. In the end, he chose Yori over her. Beauty always wins out in the end, right?

         The leader of WINDS took to his feet, donning the business suit discarded hours before. Seki could only watch in horror. The end was close; she saw the light. For a moment the black haired woman thought her heart stopped beating when she watched the company President put on his black polished shoes and light gray hat. Then, he bent over, leaving a quick kiss on her cheek. Seki never saw him walk out of the door, her eyes were too clouded with tears. However, she did hear the door swing close, a sound that echoed in her ears for hours on end.