Magnet & Steel

Magnet and Steel
By Aurelio

          The song on the radio stirred memories tied to emotions in Jenna, some she thought she had forgotten. The melody nudged bittersweet nostalgia and faint longing that she quickly shoved away. Jenna stared at a letter that had been lying unopened on her kitchen table.

          Jenna stood up from the kitchen table and walked to her living room. She pulled back the drapes and was startled by the beauty of the scene outside her window. Huge fluffy snow flakes fluttered to the ground, creating a beautiful white blanket gathered in spots, making it look as if it been carelessly dropped from some great height.

          The falling snow settled on the boughs of the pines, aspens and junipers that dotted the mountainside. A fire burned in a wood stove and the smell of burning cedar, and the taste of fresh coffee, gave comfort to Jenna. Still, her heart raced each time she looked at the letter.

          "Are we ever going to get a break from this snow, Chapo?" she asked, reaching down with her right hand to scratch behind the ears of a big German Shepherd that had padded up alongside of her.

          The dog looked up beseechingly, as if to say that if less snow was what she wanted, then she should have it. He yawned and lay before the fire, cradling his wolf-like head between his paws.

          Jenna's cat, Tom-Tom, bounded near Chapo, threatening to pounce. He reared up on rubber band legs and held his paws up in a boxer's pose. He fluidly bounced to within an inch of Chapo’s regal, resting head, and jabbed twice with his left paw at the sleeping Chapo. who yawned indifferently.

          Jenna picked up the letter and abruptly ripped open the envelope. It was an invitation to a New Year's Eve party, the name on the envelope was from Bobby Baca, an ex-boyfriend she had loved in high school. The song that was still playing on the radio had been their song.

          She had almost married Bobby, but had left him at the altar when she had decided at the last moment that marrying Bobby was the worst thing she could have done for her future.

          Jenna was glad the man she had decided to marry instead wasn't there to witness her strange behavior with the arrival of the letter. He was on a business trip, and had called to say there was nothing he could do, but that he had been forced by his boss to stay at a meeting crucial to the business. He had said he'd probably be home early New Year's Day.

          Jenna knew she should have thrown the envelope away unopened, but it was too late. She read the letter.

          “Jenna, I never understood why you left me to marry that other guy. I loved you, I worshipped you, and I thought you felt the same way about me. I know I will never be able to put this behind me, though it’s been five years already, and so I'm begging you to come to this party, and help me understand.

          "I'm hoping something will happen between us, and that when I ask you if you love me, your eyes will tell me that you do,“ the letter read.

          That "other guy" was Aaron . He was as opposed to Bobby as two men could be. In some ways that was good, Jenna thought, and in some ways it was bad. Aaron was strong, reliable, affectionate in an understated way; Bobby couldn't be relied upon, but he had a fiery charisma that had thrilled Jenna. If Bobby was a bad boy, Aaron was the proverbial "nice guy" that often didn't get the girl.

          But he had gotten this girl. They had recently celebrated their fifth anniversary with dinner and dancing at the Country Club. He had given her a beautiful painting by Georgia Okeefe. Inside a smaller, gayly wrapped box, she found a red sheer lace camisole that she had unceremoniously hidden away deep in her closet. He never asked about it.

          Jenna loved her husband, but she couldn't deny a void in herself she didn't understand. Her mother recognized that expression of longing on her daughter's face.

          "I don't understand why you're so unhappy all the time," her mother said.

          "I'm not unhappy all the time, mother."

          Jenna marveled at her mother's ability to sense her inner feelings. Though Jenna would never admit it to her mother, or to anyone, she felt a deep despair that came from that inexplicable hole in her soul, and she wasn't even sure where it came from.

          For all the years of their marriage, she was the object of envy from her friends. The couple had a beautiful little girl named Anna, now almost 5, who was spending the holiday with her grandparents.

          Jenna in high school had been popular, not only because of her radiant, cheerleader energy and kind smile, but because of her genuineness; she was real and she treated everyone genuinely, no matter to what clique or group or part of the city they belonged.

          Jenna still was surrounded by many friends. She kept a meticulous home, and she served on the boards of several charitable groups. She was a model wife and mother, and from all appearances, the couple was happy and their lives full and satisfying.

          Jenna added to that impression by often saying to her friends that that love is more than passion and frivolity; love is stability, strength, and affection.

          But today when she heard the song, and saw the letter, her convictions had melted like the snowman Aaron had made for Anna in the front yard. The snowman had been swallowed up by new snow.

          Jenna turned the letter to see the names of those classmates and friends who had already verified that they planned to attend the New Year’s party, which was now just a couple of days away. She stared at Bobby's name on the envelope.

          She had not opened the door in her heart where that name resided for years. Now, she unlocked it and ventured inside.

          She stood up and looked in a mirror. She turned a strand of her dark black hair, still luxurious and long, draped like silk over her small rounded shoulders.

          Her full lips curved saucily when she smiled, making her appear equally naughty, or nice, depending on her mood. Slight laugh lines had begun to sprout around her eyes, but the rest of her face was so pleasing to look at that slight imperfections made no impression.

          She wondered how the years had treated Bobby. In high school, he was tall and gangly; handsome but not overtly so. It was his free spirit and boyish enthusiasm that gave him a presence people wanted to be around.

          But even after graduation, he hadn’t known what he planned to do in life, and so she broke it off with Bobby. She had told him she loved another man, though it was a lie. She had loved Bobby, but she saw no future with him. It was the first time she had ever seen a man cry. She never wanted to see it again.

          Meanwhile, the song stopped playing on the radio. She wasn’t even sure of the title; but it spoke of a woman being a magnet and a man being steel, or perhaps it was the other way around, but it spoke of an irresistible attraction that was impossible for a man, or a woman, to control or to deny.

          Bobby had dedicated the song to her once when they were slow dancing in the gym. She could still see his large brown eyes and feel the magic of his touch every time the song played. Jenna felt as if she had defied a powerful and incontrovertible natural law, and as a consequence, her life had been spoiled.

          She often doubted and even regretted her decision to break up with Bobby, based mostly on her feelings that he would never amount to anything.

          Now as she read the invitation that gaily promised renewal of old friendships, Jenna resolved it was not too late.

          She decided she would attend the party. She certainly didn't want to spend the evening alone, pining for her absent husband. And it offered her a chance to see if there was any chance of reversing her fortunes. She would seek Bobby out and see if there were any remnants of what he had once felt for her, and of what she had felt for him.

          She knew her plan was filled with risk, but her heart filled with joy nonetheless. She packed a suitcase and penned a note which she left on the kitchen table, explaining to her husband that she had received a late invitation to the party, and since he wouldn't be here either, she had decided to accept the invitation.

          She stopped at the door and looked back at Chapo and her cat, both looking as if they needed her.

          She felt a stirring inside of her, a warning perhaps, or maybe an affirmation from destiny. Before she could think about it, or change her mind, she closed the door and walked out into an exhilarating snowfall.


          She arrived in Santa Fe in early afternoon, hours before the New Year’s Eve party. Jenna had an early dinner and dressed for the party. As she arrived at the country club, she paused at the double glass entry doors. There was still time to back away.

          But almost without realizing it, she pushed breathlessly through the door. Mariah Carey played on an overhead stereo system as blue, red and green strobe lights spilled like electric glitter onto dancers gyrating on an immense, polished wooden floor, ringed by tables gayly festooned with maroon and white ribbons -- their high school colors -- and decorated with beautiful floral centerpieces..

          In the syncopating light and sound, she recognized faces of her high school friends and classmates, laughing, talking, shouting, recalling glory days, collating and comparing collections of memories and treasure they had accumulated since graduation, both material and spiritual.

          All eyes turned to her as she walked in the light from a large overhead mirrored ball being peppered by the strobe lights. She became aware of her reflection in a wall length mirror.

          Her black satin skirt came to mid-thigh, coyly revealing her sexy slender legs shown in black nylons. Her bodice plunged at the neckline, revealing soft white swells of her breasts. Her diamond earrings glinted in the light from the mirrored ball, shining like tiny stars. Her hair, which she had combed in alluring rings and curls, framed her lovely, inquiring face.

          She didn’t know how it would happen. She had dreamed it would happen like it does in the movies -- two people find each other, begin running toward each other in slow motion, until they leap into each others’ arms, kissing feverishly, turning in a circle under glittering prisms of light.

          She felt a tap on her shoulder.

          “Hi, remember me?”

          She turned to see Bobby. At first, she didn’t recognize him. He looked much older, his hair still long and wavy, but prematurely gray at the temples. His smile was the same, not as reckless perhaps, a little sad.

          She looked in his eyes. They were crinkled, brown and squinting, from the bright lights overhead. He held a wine glass in his hand. Her heart beat so fast she thought it would race out of her chest.

          “Hi, Bobby, so good to see you,” she said, moving into his arms to return his hug. She noticed he still wore leather, though the jacket he wore now was soft and new, not stiff and coarse. His cologne was the same, wafting into her memories, taking her back. A stirring began in her heart that traveled in chills up and down her spine.

          Memories of her days with Bobby flashed in front of her: moonlit drives through the mountains, spiritual quests in northern New Mexico, hot springs at Jemez, sexual connections on the dance floor. It was as if no time had passed at all.

          “I didn’t think you’d be here,” he said, drawing back to look in her face.

          “I didn’t think I’d be either,” she said. A moment’s silence made her uncomfortable. Magnet and Steel began to play in the background.

          “Wow, that song, remember that song?” he asked, pulling her gently out onto the dance floor. Jenna tucked her face into his shoulder and let him lead her in the practiced slow dance she recognized from dancing with him so many times before.

          Everywhere she looked, eyes looked approvingly at their reunion. When the song ended, her friends, and his, circled them and clapped. She could feel her face flaming from embarrassment.

          “Come on,” Bobby said, running interference for her as they escaped the dance floor. He led her into a side room with a beautiful view outside where it had begun to snow again.

          “So tell me, how’ve you been? Tell me everything,” he said, sitting down in a chair opposite one where she sat. Jenna told him all that had transpired in the past five years, how she had excelled in art school, how she had become a famous artist, where she lived, and all about Anna, her little girl. She even told him about Chapo the dog and Tom-Tom, her cat.

          “And your husband?” Bobby asked. “You haven’t mentioned him.”

          She blushed.
          “Aaron is a good man, a good husband. He loves me, and Anna,” she said.

          “So what about you? Are you married, any kids?” she asked.

          His face clouded, and he reached out his hands to fold her hands in his.

          “No, guess you spoiled me for that; haven’t found anyone that I felt about like I felt, still feel, about you,” he said.

          “Haven’t done much of anything right,” he said. “Tried going to college, but I partied too much and I flunked out. Went to a trade school, but I couldn't find a trade I really liked. It was way too much work," he said with a self-conscious laugh.

          "I was thinking about joining the Army, but that scares the hell out of me too, especially now with that war going on in Iraq. Haven't done much, but I think if you were with me, I could do a lot more. I know you loved me. I know you love me now. I can see it in your eyes," he said.

          "Right after you left, I thought it'd be cool to be a loner, you know, like Paul Newman in the movies, or maybe that other guy, .... what's his name? Kevin Costner, that guy; he reminds me of Gary Cooper, yeah, Gary Cooper's another cool dude," he said uneasily.

          . "I don't know, my dad's offered me a job with his plumbing business, and I guess I'll do that for awhile, till I figure out something better."

          He paused and then added, "It's really not cool to be a lone wolf, it's just lonely."

          Jenna felt a deep sadness for the loneliness and despair she felt in Bobby. She felt time had not changed Bobby, it had just made him more vulnerable, less confident. He wasn't the same man she remembered in her memories. She pressed her fingers against his, but when he moved to kiss her, she pulled away.

          “Sorry, don’t know why things would be any different,” he said, with a slight trace of bitterness. “I know you don’t go for guys with no future.”

          “You’ve got a future, Bobby,” she said. “But first you have to let go of the past. It’s something I’m learning too. I thought about you all the time. Wondered if I did the right thing.

          "That’s why I had to come here. I had to see if the old feelings were still there. And they are. Love isn’t something that just goes away. Once you love someone, you love them forever, at least I do."

          "I left you for the wrong reasons, and now I'm here for the wrong reason," she said. "I never should have come."

          Jenna met Bobby's intense questioning gaze; she knew he was searching for something, anything that might give him hope. She couldn't give any.

          “I love you, Bobby,” she said, standing to hug him tightly. “You’ll always have a little room reserved for you in my heart, decorated with your picture, smelling of your leather and cologne, your fun, your beautiful face, everything I remember, and everything I miss every time I think of you. And when I walk into that room, you're there, and I'm there."

          “But Aaron, he's my husband, and he's been a good husband. And Anna, she's so beautiful, looks like her dad, and they both live now, right now, in the rest of my heart. And I can’t pretend they don’t.”

          A full moon flooded the room with light, the snow and ice creating artistic swirls on the window, as they both walked to the window. She trailed her finger absently over the ice art.

          “I’ll never forget what we had, Bobby, but my place isn’t here, and it’s not about money or you having a future,” she said.

          “It’s about people in my life who have put their trust in me, who have put their futures in me, it’s about letting go and keeping memories in the heart, where they belong,” she said.

          “So what am I supposed to say to that?” he asked. “I was hoping…

          She put her fingers to his lips.
“I know, i was hoping too.”

          The song began playing again.

          “One more dance?” he asked.

          “Sure,” she said. She smiled as they drifted over the floor, like two rain clouds changing shape. Neil Young’s Harvest Moon began playing, and they danced and dreamed the night away.

          The sun peeked over the eastern horizon, painting the Sangre de Cristo mountains a brilliant gold and rose. With Bobby at her side, she walked slowly back to her car in the country club parking lot for the drive back home.

          “You sure you’re gonna be alright?" Bobby asked.

          "You don’t have to drive home now. We can get some breakfast, talk about old times."

          Jenna thought about how opposite they were: she liked to sleep late, he got up early and went jogging, she loved the theatre, he liked movies, she liked to ride bikes, and he played basketball.

          She hid their differences behind a veil, and even now, she didn’t let the veil drop. They looked over a city sleeping. He gave her a goodnight kiss, and it felt like goodbye.
          “Keep in touch,” he said longingly.
          “I don’t think that would be a good idea,” she said.


          When she finally arrived home several hours later, the clouds and snow had blotted out the sun. She opened the front door and went to the window to watch the snow fall. She remembered the camisole Aaron had given her for her anniversary.

          She moved quietly into their bedroom, where Aaron was asleep. He stirred when she rummaged in the closet.

          “How was your party?” he asked. She detected a note of hurt and disappointment she had not been home.

          "What are you looking for?" he asked absently, yawning. He must have arrived not long before she did; he didn't normally sleep this late into the morning.

          "Something I thought I lost," she said, finding the box, and hiding it in front of her as she went to change in the bathroom.

          When she emerged, Aaron had fallen back asleep. She moved under the comforter and spooned around his warm body. She hugged him tightly, and he turned and enveloped her body in his. He opened his eyes sleepily and noticed she was wearing the satin red chamisole.

          "I thought maybe you didn't like the color," he said, running his hand over the sexy smooth material.

          "No, just hadn't felt like wearing it," she said. "I feel like it now."

          She looked into his eyes so intently he raised his head and balanced it on his bended arm as he looked back at her.

          “I saw him,” she said simply.
          “And?” he asked, aware at once who she was referring to, a slight tremble in his voice. He waited with trepidation.

          “And … I love you,” she said, kissing him with such force she pushed him onto his back. They laughed. His lips tasted like sweet rounded fruit on hers.

          “I love you too,” he said. Their bedroom drapes were pulled back, allowing them an unfettered view of a divinely painted landscape, amber from the sun breaking through the clouds, the hills dotted with pinon trees and junipers covered by a white blanket carelessly dropped. Big cumulus clouds drifted dreamily.

          Chapo snored raggedly in the corner, Tom-Tom looking cute as a kitten asleep on the big dog's crossed forearms. Jenna and Aaron burrowed deeper into the soft warm intimacy of their deep comfortable bed, and snuggled cozily, both enjoying that time in the morning, when there is nothing to hide.

          Suddenly, they both recognized the song playing softly on the radio. He knew its significance.

          She smiled and reached over him to turn it off, turning her attention once more to kissing him with the urgency and light of a new day.