I got bored and started thinking about weird origins for popular phrases |
Two cannibals met late one night In a darkened alleyway They narrowed eyes suspiciously And hurried on their way. The next night, and the next again, The crossed each other’s paths And on the third they stopped to chat (whilst standing safely far apart) They spoke of Scents and textures Of the flesh of Victims past He mentioned he possessed Delicacies rare The fingers of a pianist, A famous actor’s scalp and hair The other too, she said she had Some trophies to display Things too special to devour; With which she liked to play. He said “I’ve had a great idea: Why don’t we play a game? A show and tell of things collected From people that we’ve maimed.” It was agreed, arranged That both would come back the next night With treasures in black bin bags Which they’d tuck right out of sight. They left with Growling stomachs And wide eyes And greedy grins The night came and so did the fiends With binliners in tow With much pride and ceremony The first began the show. They oohed and ahhed, like connoisseurs Of bone and meat and flesh And said which of the others’ favourite Prizes were the best. She liked, she said The piece of skin Tattooed with dolphins Diving in He took it from a sailor Drunk and sleeping in a bar He ate his arm in big, sharp bites Except for that one part Which now was in a small glass box To show the artistry A fleshy chunk of beauty Showing angels of the sea. He preferred, he purred and sneered The bosom that she kept A double D cup on a spike That was set into cement “I ate a lapdancer,” She sighed, “but there was just too much. I couldn’t eat the whole lot, Could’ve done with going dutch.” “Thought I’d save the breast Til breakfast, but by then I realised That I couldn’t face a second serving Of something that size!” “Let’s do a swap,” the first one smiled of oddities we’ve tasted it seems a shame to merely show- an opportunity wasted.” She nodded, eyes glued on the flesh That bore the blue tattoo “I’m bored of that breast anyway, It’s time for something new.” They leaned forward With outstretched hands And baited breath And licking lips She gave him this, He gave her that Their grisly trade was quickly made, a simple case of 'tit for tat'! |