King Artie Chapter 1

King Artie and the Knights of the Brown Table

Part One
Of Ana and Sir Lancelot

1.

I am Princess Clara, the younger of two princesses in Camelot (which I call Stinks-a-lot). My older sister Ana is absolutely perfect, or so everyone says. I am more of a rebel, disgustingly so at times. At least I’m not the silent embroiderer like Ana. I know this is hard to believe, but she actually hasn’t been outside for fresh air in three years!

She hates sunlight, and, worst of all, everyone loves her for it. Ana is sixteen and tomorrow she is wedding Sir Galahad, whom she calls Sir Galient (is that even a word!?). I call him Sir Get-a-head, for he obviously doesn’t have one if he’s going to marry Ana.

My parents, Artie and Gwen, should be worrying because a dragon has been stealing all of the brides and brides-to-be. But they don’t think any dragon would be stupid enough to attend a royal wedding just to kidnap the bride, and not even stop to try the creampuffs (my father’s “famous” creampuffs).

My parents, as with everyone in the kingdom, are definitely idiots.

All the knights in the kingdom are bachelors. Sir Galahad will soon lose that to what he thinks is a more honorable title. Boy does he need to get a head.
...

Today was the wedding of Ana and Get-a-head. It was a clear and sunny day; too clear. A dragon could easily spot a bride three leagues away. That’s why I brought my three league boots to the wedding (actually, they’re malfunctioning seven league boots).

The wedding was going fine until Ana arrived. She was scared of the sun! At Ana’s arrival the horrible wedding began. There was a panic last night because the last priest in the kingdom retired yesterday. So the Royal Idiots hired none other than the Royal Jester. I can still hear him now:

“Do you, Princess Ana take Sir Galahad to be your man-uh?”

“Um… I think I do.”

“Okay. Do you Sir Galahad take Ana to be your—“

“Dragon!!!!” someone shouted.

“Dragon?” said Sir Galahad, “Ana’s not a –“

“Dragon!!!” someone else shouted. Talk about needing a head.

I was standing right behind Get-a-head, and if it weren’t for his head, I would have been able to see the entire dragon.

“Look up,” I hissed.

“Dragon!!!!” he shouted

“Excellent,” the Jester said. He looked like Christmas came a month early. I interrupted his reverie by pointing out that Ana was not a dragon; but she was being kidnapped by one.

I turned to look at Get-a-head. He was just staring at the sky. What a dumb blonde.

“Maybe you should try to rescue her,” I asked innocently.

“Right… don’t worry Ana, I’ll save you!!!”