Youth Lost (continuation)

Stumbling Into Reality

The moment that opened my eyes to the real world happened on a Wednesday. It had been raining in Rhetson and fall leaves ran along the sides of curbs with the dying soil. Three weeks had passed since I met Jason Anderson. In that time, I sat with him and his friends more often. I slowly realized the great divide that laid between his friends and mine. If I’d tell a story about Mark, Suzie and Lucy would pucker their lips in disgust. If I waved to Teresa in the hallways my ever following arm attachment, Jason, would nudge me to stop.
Ignoring my friends became easy as time went on. Mark stopped calling and Chris stopped smiling at me in the hallways. Though something deep inside tugged at me to listen, the thought of Jason Anderson was all that was needed to quiet that pestering voice. My dreamy Pinkston Penguins team kicker soon became all too real in my eyes that Wednesday right after Photography class.
I was walking arm and arm with Jason down B hall when we spotted a half-moon of his friends huddled by some lockers. He led me over and let go of my arm. Before he could clap a hand on Buck’s back, Buck let out a whoop.
I looked over to see Benny, my green mohawked table-mate. His gloved hands pressed against his skinny sides and his books were scattered on the floor.
“Why don’t you pick ‘em up fag?” I shot a glare over to Buck who had a malicious grin on his face. I then watched Benny reluctantly bend over to start picking up his books. A foot came out of the moon and collided with Benny’s head, sending him to the tiles. I let out a gasp and gripped Jason’s shirt, “Do something. Buck‘s your friend.”
Jason sighed and looked down at me, “He’s just having some fun. It’s no real harm Sweetie.” I narrowed my eyes and was about to speak when he cut me off again, “Plus…” his eyes darted nervously, “If I do…They’ll, ya know…”
“No. I don’t.”
“Think I’m on his side.”
My skin felt like it was pulled too tightly across my face, like there wasn’t enough to stretch over my skull. I felt sick inside, “I guess you‘re not the guy I thought you were.”
He rose a perfect eyebrow, “Oh so I‘m so horrible?” I could hear Benny grunt as he was fashioned with another kick, but my eyes were fixed on Jason, “Then why don’t you go help him?”
I finally looked at Benny. He laid on the ground pathetically, his left combat boot had fallen off and his fading green hair fell over his face. Fear prickled inside me. I looked over at Jason, “I will.” I said angrily.
Walking over to Buck, I lightly tapped his muscular arm, “Uh, Buck…” He looked down at me, his eyes sparkling dangerously, “Please…Don‘t hurt him.”
He paused then started laughing, “No way baby.” he turned back, but I tapped him again.
“What’d he do to deserve it?” a tinge of resentment shone through.
Buck looked back at me, his lip up in a sneer. The smell of alcohol that he had brought in from lunch seethed from between his teeth, “He’s a damn faggot.”
I looked from Benny to Buck, “He’s not gay.”
“How do you know?” Buck shrugged me off, “He is too. Taylor saw him and his little friend holdin’ hands in the mall parking lot.”
I turned to Benny to protest further but when I saw his face turn a slow beat red I knew it was true. He looked guilty and ashamed like he had been caught in an act that deserved to be punished. Now I knew why Benny never hung out with the other punks.
Buck suddenly swung back his foot and struck the teen hard in the stomach. I jumped in surprise. Benny rolled over onto his back and started coughing. I heard the bell ring, but the small crowd that had accumulated seemed not to notice.
I took a few steps back from the horrific scene to feel Jason’s hands grasp my shoulders, “Just let it go.” he said quietly.
Laughter and whispers mingled with Buck’s alcohol induced threats. The sickening wave of sound rung in my ears as I watched tears form in Benny’s eyes. Jason’s grip tightened. Buck’s face lit up, “Hey, Gay Boy’s gonna cry!” laughter erupted, “Come on, cry.”
I swung my head for help. Almost ten feet away from me, the Physics teacher ushered people into his class from the crowd, not bothering to look at the commotion in the middle. I turned and watched as Buck’s foot propelled back. Suddenly a yell cut through the air.
“STOP.”
The din quieted, Buck’s foot frozen in mid swing. A section of the circle temporarily parted as Chris burst through. His chest came up and down heavily and his face was red from anger or running. Probably both. Benny slowly raised his gaze to Chris, a look of wonder in his glassy eyes.
I saw Buck. He stayed motionless a moment more, the actions taking longer to process in his hazy state. Finally his features contorted into a clown-like grin and he gave out a loud laugh. Even the Physics teacher had stopped to watch.
“What are yeh gonna do about it?”
Chris’ face became solid and white like stone and he took a hold of Benny under his arms. Hoisting him to his feet, he narrowed those almond eyes at him, “Just leave him alone Buck. He never did anything to you, so just stop okay?”
Something like pride swelled in my chest and I writhed from Jason’s grip, suddenly disgusted with it.
“You think you’re so much better than people like us. Sometimes I think you’re no different. You just have the money and Daddy’s power to manipulate the whole stupid mass of us…But I was wrong.” Chris stared at the bewildered Buck with passionate hate, “You are different. You have no hearts. I would rather die than be like you.”
The crowd had grown almost silent in awe. Jason’s mouth fell agape and Buck’s hands balled, his knuckles turning white. I saw him about to lunge when I sprang in front of Chris, my arms stretched out, looking like I was trying to fly.
“No Buck.” I gasped, “He’s right. Stop it now.”
Buck paused. He stared at me, then looked to Jason. I followed his eyes. I expected maybe pride on Jason’s face. Maybe even shock. But I found something far worse festering in his gaze. Loathing. I leaned back by the force of it. I had crossed to the other side and he suddenly hated me for it.
“Delia, what are you doing?” he asked, a vehemence resided in his voice that I had never heard before.
“What are you doing?” I heard Chris ask from behind me.
I had no time to answer, the Physics teacher finally had pushed his way through the spectators and rose his hands to the ceiling, “All right, that’s enough. Class started two minutes ago, everyone to their rooms, now. Go. Shoo.”
The bodies parted and I watched Jason as he floated away, his eyes finally giving off the ugliness I had refused to see. Even the Physics teacher walked back to class, having just as much interest in Benny as he had before. I looked to Chris and the beaten boy. A look of embarrassment pulled his mouth downward. I couldn’t begin to imagine how he felt.
“Benny…I…”
“Thanks. Both of you.” he muttered quietly.
My chest was heavy with what I finally recognized as guilt. What had I done? Chris just smiled at Benny, a look of sweet sadness reflected in his features. I saw him then as I had never seen him before. He was unkempt but in some beautiful way that I couldn’t describe. His face had sharp features like Jason but he looked so much older. Like a wise man lay behind those green almonds. I found myself staring and looked away quickly.
My gaze traveled back to Benny. He smiled weakly at me, “I’m going home.”
“It’s all okay.” Chris said quietly, “Just go home to bed.”
Benny nodded and simply walked out the hall doors to the school lawn. Either he was disoriented or just didn’t care. I shrugged it off and turned to where I thought Chris was. I blinked when I realized he wasn’t there anymore. Suddenly I found myself very alone. I looked around and my chest grew heavy again, Oh God, what have I done?