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Rated: E · Essay · Comedy · #1031055
What started out as a freewriting exercise ended up exposing Superman as a fraud...
Being Underwater

Hey, how has Hollywood convinced us that people can fight underwater? I've tried it with my kids and found that you can't even throw an effective punch or kick with any force. You can hold each other, that's about it. Maybe, if you were in an underwater struggle with a mortal enemy (as I once saw in a James Bond movie), you could embrace your adversary to death.

The thing about being underwater is that you feel weightless yet you can only move very slowly. Which reminds me, when we see clips of people walking on the moon, they move very slowly. If gravity is removed, or greatly reduced, doesn't it make sense that we would move a lot faster?

We bought into that idea with the story of Superman. Supposedly, he came from Krypton – a planet whose gravity was much denser than earth's. We accepted the logic that, because of this gravity disparity, he possessed great physical powers such as super strength and speed. We thrilled at the stories of this great gravity-unencumbered hero who was, "faster than a speeding bullet…able to leap tall buildings in a single bound".

In reality, based on the newsreels that show Armstrong's famous moonwalk, Superman would move like a parade balloon and criminals would openly mock him as they scampered away.

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