I'm Not Ready

Mom,
I don't want you to go.I know you're in pain. But I'm selfish I don't want to live without you. I want to be able to take care of you when your old and gray. I want to help you, to care for you. I want to do all the things you did for me. You're to young. I'm not ready for you to leave me. I want to scream and hit and throw things. But I cannot. I know that nothing I do is going to help. Nothing will stop the disease from spreading. I can comfort you and tell you how much I love you. But I can't take away the pain and I can't heal the wounds. I can pray and comfort and hold you. But I don't want to say goodbye. I'm not ready. I don't think anyone is ever ready but why now. I know the answers. Its your time. You've had enough pain. You've lived enough. But who will I talk to about every little thing. Who will listen to me when I'm in a not so nice mood. Who will give me advice I need. I may not always follow all of it but I still need you to give it to me. I can't stand to see you in pain. I know you'll be done with the pain soon. That's the only thing that comforts me. The only thing that tells me its alright. But I still don't want to let go. I know I'll have the memories but I don't want them I want you. I wish the doctors were wrong. I wish you could pull through. I also know that your quality of life is much less than before I know how hard the last two months have been and I can't say that I understand all of your decisions but I respect them. Because everyone has their own decisions to make. I love you and I will miss you with all my heart. There are so many things I want to say to you so many things I want to share. I want to share the kids with you and just life in general. Knowing that I'll never get that chance again hurts and realizing it is almost over is hard to belive. I hope everyone is right and you get to go to a better place. If they are then you truly will be able to see me and watch over me. I hope so. I love you and I know you love me. If you have to let go then I'll be as ready as I can be. I'll understand as much as I can. But I'll love you forever and miss you till I hopefully meet you once again.