UNCRIED TEARS

I loved life, I loved GOD and I will always love God. But I who loved God, who loved life was never given the love I deserve, I was left alone when I needed someone who can hug me, make me smile or laugh, and embrace me with such love that I never let him/her go away from me. But that never happened. My imagination, my dreams, my beautiful innocent dreams and wishes, my innocent heart was broken every time by everyone. I believed that I could make any one love me by my good behavior. By true love for him/her and kindness for him or her, but I was rewarded sorrows, pains, tears, grief captured me all the time. My home is not my real home. I think I do not belong there. I was a peace-loving person. Loving and caring. caring even for non-living things as if they are all alive. I can never see anybody whether human, animal or plant in pain, but I was given pain. I was given sorrows and tears. Everybody who was near or around me I cared for them I loved to make them happy all the time. I loved colors because they lit up my life no matter was it day or night, I felt cheerful all the time just because I loved God, and I thanked him for giving me life, I promised myself that I will never become hopeless. I loved every part of this world, even when I was sad I was happy because I believed life is to pray God, love his creations, and thank him for what he has given us. Because I believed, that life will also bring me happiness one day if I give happiness to others and help them in hour of need. Then everybody will care for me as do for them and they would love me as I love them. But alas! Life got something else stored for me.
As the time passed I realized that everything was getting worse inspite of good, I imagined life like love so beautiful, nothing would be cruel in life, my life, others life but I was wrong, I believed that life will be only cheers, laughs,
And happy moments. And if anybody will cry I will try to do everything, I could do to make him or her happy. In addition, I was sure that it would work, because I believed that love is needed more then anything in life. love is what can make anyone come near to me. But as I grew up yells, cries, tears, pains, harsh words took place instead of love from my parents, and that’s all I received from them, I need their hugs, kisses and courage, but fear took away everything, I was always terrified of my own parents. My father, who hardly ever loved me, he never loved me, or came near to me to hug me. My mother who never kissed me, who never loved me when I want her to be with me like other children, but I always found my self-sitting alone in the darkness. They came near to me only when I was sick, so I always wished I could die, so that I can receive their love, courage, hugs and kisses just for few moments,
I wanted death for few moments of love. But as I grew up, those hugs and kisses which were only given to me when I got sick were taken away by my parents. now my mother and father scorns me when I get sick, so I hate to get sick I just wish I could die, so they would never see me again, I hate myself now the promise of hope from myself is broken now all hopes have ended now, because I never got what I wished for even a moment of love.
My parents do not love me. They scorn me I wish they would not yell on me. They would just kill me, so that I would no longer disturb them. when I’m writing this story tears come out from my eyes, but there is no one to see, I got friends I was the leader of the group, we all have fun, I was very happy, but now they all are far from me far away. Because I have only sorrows, they have friends, parents who can help them in the hour of need, they have happiness, but I have sorrows and a person who only have sorrows and pains can never give nothing to someone, so I wish I would be left alone...aloneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Was this I was born for? Is this for what a child with those small and cute eyes and innocent face as if asking for love is born? if so then I wish that no more children like me should come in this world, where there is loneliness, no one to help, no friends for forever, all is fake....
All my hopes are gone now. When I was a child I believed that no body would leave me when I need them, everybody will help me, be with me when I need them. but I was wrong, I helped everybody in hour of need and proved friendship, but they left me alone, they broke my heart when I need them, so my believe became hope and then a hopeless dream that would not become real or true.
I loved fantasy world, because in fantasy world
Everything is sweet, lovely, everybody is loving there and it is the world of my imaginations AHHH! My imaginations, tears burst out from my eyes, a cry comes out of my heart and soul, which only God can listen. My imaginations are so beautiful, that they can only be described as a dream, a dream of imaginations that I can not touch, only others can touch them. and I will only see them touching it and having as much love, as much happiness, as they want, but I cant touch it, it fly’s off when I runs after it its too high I cant reach it, will some one help me to let me just touch it, its like a cloud oh please I just want to touch it ,please come back, I wont grab you I will just touch you let me feel you. But no one listens to me. And look its going there where my angels live, above, high on the sky, where I belonged, I was a angel beautiful, with wings so soft, with beautiful voice and lovely and caring heart. Now I only have broken heart, voice of complains that no body listens. My wings are gone now, because I choose to live with humans. I belonged to the world of love, where beautiful dreams are kept and they become true there, where there is cheers, laughs, happiness, where fairies and angels live, I lived there, its so beautiful, I cant explain, u people cannot understand it, oh I beg those angels to let me in their world where I lived, but they cant listen me from so high above, and I can only cry on myself. No one to listen to my cries, my pains. I just fell on my knees and just cry, cry and cry for hours an hours calling them with my teary eyes, hoping that my good angels will return any moment clean my tears from my eyes and bring me back where I belong. But no body listens to me...no body.
SHE CALLS HER PARENTS, HER FRIENDS, HER DREAMS, HER ANGLES TO COMEBACK TO HER, SHE IS GIVEN PAIN, GRIEF AND SORROWS.NO ONE IS HERE TO LISTEN TO HER.