White Man's Blues

My inspirations: George Carlin's quote (approximate) "White people got no business singing the blues. What have they got to be blue about? The espresso machine broke? Banana Republic ran out of khakis?"

For melody use any basic 3 chord blues progression; E,A,B works fine
(spoken word sections) in parentheses

White Man's Blues

I said lord almighty, I got the white mans blues,
I said lordy lord almighty, I got them ol' white man's blues,
You know this morning at the local Starbucks, I spilled hot coffee on my shoes...
(and they were the new suede ones, too.)

I went down to the dentist, to get my teeth whitened and cleaned,
You know I went down to that ol' dentist's, get my teeth bleached and cleaned,
Had to wait for nearly an hour, and read six month old magazines...
(Field & Stream, Newsweek, you know what I'm talkin' about people)

For lunch I went to McDonalds, get a Big Mac Meal, supersize,
I said I drove through that McDonalds, for a Big Mac Meal, supersize, (diet Coke, of course)
Got back to my desk to eat it, they forgot ketchup for my fries...
(don't it just ruin your whole day when that happens?)

I went online to order tickets, Clapton at the concert hall,
Went online to order tickets, Clapton at the concert hall,
But when I looked at the seatin' chart, there was no good ones left at all...
(just waaay in back, and the ones next to those big pillars?)

Got stuck in real bad traffic, driving home on the freeway,
Yeah, stuck in real bad traffic, drivin' home on that ol' freeway,
There was nothing good on the radio, and didn't have no CDs to play...
(and no iPod with me, and my cellphone on the last bar too... I mean nobody knows the trouble I've seen... this afternoon.)

You know the picture tube went out, on my wide screen HDTV,
I said that picture tube burned out, on my wide screen HDTV,
And people wouldn't you know it, it was three weeks past the warranty...
(why does this always happen to me? It's a cryin' shame I tell ya.)

I went down to the shopping mall, to buy some new Levis,
Said I went down to that local mall, to get me some new Levis,
But no matter how hard I tried, I just could not find my size...
(at least nothin' in relaxed fit...)

I called up the mortgage company, a problem with my refinance loan,
Said I called up the mortgage company, to fix a problem with my loan,
Put me on hold for half an hour, with bad Muzak covers of Rolling Stones...
(ever heard the Thousand Strings version of "Satisfaction"?)

I went down to the local drugstore, to get my perscription filled,
Went down to that local drugstore, gonna get my perscription filled,
You know the lady at the counter, she says they're all out of them little blue pills...
(and it was a Saturday night too, you all know what I'm talkin' about)

I said lordy lord almighty, I got the white mans blues,
I said lordy lord almighty, I got them ole white man's blues,
You know this morning at the Starbucks, I spilled coffee on my shoes...
You know this morning at the Starbucks, I spilled hot coffee on my new shoes...
You know this morning at the local Starbucks,
(People, I spilled a decaf double mocha latte, extra cream), on my new suede shoes...

(Lord, how much more can a poor boy take!)

Ben Folds got it right: "Y'all don't know what it's like, being male middle-class and white..." :)