Sometimes.. You Just Gotta Let Go....

To make this story understandable lets just say i had one of the most messed up summers i have ever had and probably ever will have.... In this summer i lost a lot of things.. and i learned a couple things... i lost my vehicle, my girlfriend, my chance at college this year, my job, two friends to a hurricane which i will explain in a moment... among other things... these are just the important items.

I met my girlfriend at a friends wedding... ironic, yes i know... At first yeah.. it was cool.. but this one thing happened.. that i didnt REALLY didnt want to happen.. I fell in love with her.. and in doing so i realized that THAT was going to hurt me sooner or later.. but.. i was in love.. i didnt care... When i met her she was currently with someone else... so i waited because im not the type to blow off someone that i like because they are taken..stuff happens.. we all know this... so anyways.. later on that month they broke up.. and i took a chance... and bam! we were together.. I could not have possibly been happier... but little did i know... it was doomed from the gitgo. Little did i know that she was slowly falling for someone else even though she claimed to have loved me... i think thats what really got to me in the end... In April she told me we needed a break.. no biggie we had had a break in the beginning i figured we'd be back together sooner or later...It all went downhill from that day... two months go by.. and i basically lose my mind.. and find out.. she had gotten with someone pretty soon after breaking it off with me... btw the break meant its over... i shoulda known i know... anyways... that happened..then i go and read up on her profile one day.. read her journal apparently she always finds reasons to break it off with the guys shes with... wow.. see that woulda helped me out in the beginning cuz then i wouldnt have bothered gettin in the situation knowing i was gonna get dropped no matter what i did.... dont get me wrong as stupid as it sounds... i still love her.. and i wish her the best in her new relationship...... but the fact remains... some things shoulda been said in the beginning....moving on..

I lost my truck in a wreck during May... i was thinking about my girlfriend, who i thought was still with me..stupid i know..... and i took a turn when a drug dealer blasted my blazer, trying to pass me in an intersection... ILLEGAL!!!, with his chevy caprice doing about 60 mph in a 30 zone.. naturally since 99% of the cops in this city are racist... i got the blame even though the dude had no insurance so whatever... truck becomes lost cause.. sorta like my life is turning out to be....next....

Student loan comes in and i got denied because when i did it i messed it up and it cost me my chance at goin to college this year...oh well lesson learned... next year here i come!...next...

Seeings how i lost my truck... my job as a delivery driver at Papa Johns (OH YEAH WHAT A JOB!!) was over.. oh well once again.. my bad shoulda known better than to work for a place that if i had an accident i couldnt count on my job to help me fix my truck... next....

Moving into the summer.... Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans Louisiana... before i go there... I had two wonderful friends... They lived here in Kokomo.. and their family was in New Orleans.. well.. they had no plans to go visit them... so i came up with the idea that they should go visit theyre family down there... this was two weeks before Katrina hit... they were down there.. when it hit the city.. and their family lived right by the levy that exploded.... so now i get to live the rest of my crappy life feeling responsible for the death of two of my true best friends....RIP guys :'( and i get to play the what if game being what if i had just kept my mouth shut and let them stay... then maybe id have some people to go talk to here..maybe they'd still be here.........moving on...

This summer has made me realize that being a man isnt what i thought it would be... if you asked me 10 years ago i would have no idea that i would be this way... Life is much different than most make it to be... I mean you fight and fight and fight and fight to keep it all together.. when in some instances.... its pointless.... You have to let go... I mean.. its not making you weak by giving up.. its showing that you're strong enough to let go.. Because in some of life's worst times.. you're going to have to let go... You have to let go and if it falls to pieces... start building it again.. Because you cant live your life scared that one day its going to fall all around you.. You need to keep rebuilding... stronger.. everytime.. until you can sleep well at night knowing that no matter what you are set... because the foundations of your life are set, strong, and durable...

It's life... it's not perfect... it never will be.. you dont always get what you want... and sometimes.. you HAVE to learn the hard way... yeah.. life sucks sometimes.. but it has its good times... and it always will... All you can do is do your best to make the best out of it...