To the Lost and Found, Since 9/11

I'm not the type to write this kind of poetry, but this is how I felt inspired, and what came out. Hope it will connect with someone.



#1.

To you, the lost—
And found—
You who knew who you were
As you let it go

I see your faces
I feel your pain each night anew
Each morning
Hear your voices, ringing always, fearful—
Truth is abrupt, and changeable, and hard
Truth is often cruel, and still, the truth is

Time ticks always away

I listen to it, sleepless and exhausted
I watch the air before me burn
I hear you, and imagine how you met your end
With what courage you had time to gather,
Every night…

But you have woken from the nightmare
And I am here
And I wonder,
Who is really lost,
And who is found?





#2.

We called each other’s names
When we couldn’t hear them
Sat on the stairs, together, miles apart,
With nothing we could say
We waited for it all to overtake us
One instant swept us both away

I felt your heart, and mine,
Beat, and slow
Then flutter once…

…then fail entirely…

And now…

It’s all just black.

I try to live
Because I know you loved me
And you loved life

I try, to keep trying
When I’m so angry that I can’t get out of bed,
On the cloudy days that I look out
And all I see is that unearthly smoke
And I am choking on it

I am so weak, sometimes
And I don’t want to have to live without you
I hate it; it’s not fair
I am so weak, and does God even hear me?

Would I still be here if he did not?

So I copy your cheesy grin in the mirror,
And wear your favorite robe
Wake up “the kid”, and kiss his cheek—
His hair curls just like yours
He has that cheesy grin down to a tee
And I can feel your pride in him so strong, that

Though we sit in the light of a cold, gray day
Where everything is different now, I know…

The end is not the end
If I keep trying…

Can you see me, now, and hear my thoughts?
Could you really be right here,
…with me? Right now?

Saying my name…





#3.

I watched
Chest tight with pride

The boy that used to laugh, infectious and carefree
Not believing I could stand there
Could just let him go

He held me
So gently

And we sought to know
the future in that one moment

He looked
So strong
Intense
Undaunted
Joining the ranks of countless brave
The honorable, valiant ones

I was all alone

I tried—
To tell my heart
It didn’t know what it protested

I couldn’t doubt

The doors closed

I went home

So we, the remaining, silent
Worked together
Scarlet lips
Curled hair
Bright colors
We held each other’s hands and prayed

For faith in God
For faith in them
For faith to simply live…

Yet, one by one, we fell
In unexpected quarters
The living casualties of distant fields
Where part of us lay buried now

I tried—
To tell my heart
That it would not be me

Sure that every soldier told himself the same

Still we continued

Our several battles
Stretched the course
Of months and years and generations
In soulless nights
In dusty barrens
Caked with the mire of a thousand fears
We fought to scramble
From the drowning deep
We fought for one another
Fought—
And often lost to win a greater cause
We died and lived
To seal the testimony of a brighter day
This our sole sustainer

We fought on…

Until the months passed, and…

I watched—
I couldn’t breathe until I saw

The boy that used to be so carefree
Not believing he was standing there
That it was really true

He held me
So tightly

And there was nothing
But that moment

He looked
So tired
And old
So world-worn
One of the ranks of countless men
The ones that still lived on

I felt such pity

I tried—
To tell him, but my heart--
It wouldn’t let my mouth protest it

He took my hand

We went home