My Mother

My biggest fear is
that I'll develop my mother's habits
forcing us to have something in common

I won't like sleeping alone and
need the warmth of a man beside me
Loving each one with soft fingertips
and quiet whispers, who define the
gap (that the one prior left)
until he gets too close

Chain smoking cigarettes when I'm nervous
Asking what child belongs to whom and
wondering why I left her with him
I'll smoke some pot when I get stressed
and when that's no longer enough
I'll just move on to something a little stronger

I'll sleep at night with a heavy heart
knowing that I let everything familiar
slip through my hands and
come crashing to the floor

Dealing with the resignation that
I could have had the 3.5 kids, white
picket fence, all American dream, but
I was just too afraid to say yes