Great dialect here! I could really hear the accent in my head. The characters feel real with a minimum of description. Only contention is that I haven't heard anyone unironically call weed reefer or a joint a cigarette in my lifetime, but without knowing the context here I'm assuming this is set sometime in the past. Great little excerpt/short here though.
Random click from "read a newbie", pleasantly surprised. I like the way the second line in each stanza (if that's the correct term) is a negative, resolved by the rest. I can almost hear the chord change to a minor, if this were set to music. Only thing I personally would like to see would be a period on the last line, as I feel like that would close the poem, voice-wise. Keep it up!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/zreilly
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 11:14am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
