Wow! This is fantastic! I love how the words flow together and make the song just go tohether so well. I think that you should consider making this as a job for yourself... I know you dont want to be a singer but you could write beautiful songs... Keep up the good work!
This is very good...I like how Tim describes Dina and the way he likes her. The only thing I would change is Tim and Dina are becoming friends and then Tim starts dating other women and then he is married and divorced all in two paragraphs. I think that if you added a bit more information in between these events then your story would be longer and have more in it.
Wow this is a GREAT story you have got to keep going with this one you have something here and I know if you finish it you could get it published keep up the good work! The only thing i would do is add a few more details on the other characters and her mother...
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