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Review by Lizzy
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
You're writing style is fast paced and flows well. The dialoge is good and detailed.When Judy was taking the food out of the oven, you described it wonderfully.

I looked, but I didn't find what genre this is. I kept expecting that first guest to have a knife ready to plunge into someone heart. It was suspensful at the beginning. I don't think you meant it to be, but I read a lot of mysteries. When your plot was revealed towards the end and people were expression opinions, some not so agreeably, it got a little tense, though I didn't really feel for anyone. I think you wanted it to be touching. Here's the problem I had. I didn't feel like I had an emotional interest in the characters. Maybe if there had been less people, a smaller party where the conversation could be more one on one. You could have gotten more into their feelings, their personalities. I really wasn't sure which ones lost husbands.

It wasn't really clear until the end what the plot was or where it was going. I have to say that the talk about football and cell phones, though something you would, in real life, talk about, is of little interest when reading it. The dialogue was good, but, I'm sorry, it stretched out too much for my taste. I have the same problem in my writing, if that makes you feel better. Everything I've complained about here is something I'm guilty of myself.

Also It might have been helpful to view the story through one set of eyes. There seemed to be a constant change in pov. Perhaps short stories are written like this, but for me, it takes some concentration to keep up with who's pov we're in. Since there were so many character, one pov would have been helpful to the reader.

I took note that two or your characters had thinning hair, but there was very little description given about the others. Also sensory information would have been helpful for setting the scene. The cigarette smoke filled the air with it's sweet pungent odor making everyone want to gag. Something, not that mean. The oder of food, the sights, the sounds.

I hope I've been helpful and not hurtful. That wasn't my intention. Keep writing, it can only get better with practice.

Lizzy
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