Technical/Mechanical:
1 X 7 linear lines, free verse, open form. nicely executed.
Theme:
Your messege carries through, well into the mind of the reader.
Imagery:
The discritpive nature of this poem causes the reader to re-define the definition of what love means to them personally. Very well done. The line breaks add to this aspect of your poem. It forces us to read your thoughts each one separate from the other, as if different elements have come together to form what Love means to you.
Technical/Mechanical:
Free verse, open for, well written and well versed.
Theme:
Cute little theme at work here. A sense of self, determination combined with awareness of the troubles that love sometimes can cause. Yet it is upbeat and hopeful.
Imagery:
great use of the rainbow hues. very discriptive and beautiful.
Expressive, Heart-felt, Emotional, Thought Provoking.
Technical/Mechanical:
Free verse, open form, Well written, well versed. No prescribed literary laws to adhear to.
Theme:
Your theme is a very poignant one. Sharing your pain in such a way that the reader can identify with your plight can sometimes be very difficult. you've done well in this regard.
Imagery:
Although your messege is quite clear, I do believe that you have to convey it in a more artistic way. I think you're selling yourself short. Challenge yourself?
Suggestions:
If you type in Ms Word, you should update your thesaraus and use it regularly. I believe that by expanding your vocabulary in this piece. it would read even better. painting a more defined notion in the mind of the reader.
Hints:
Remember punctualtion is not always necessary but it often helps when writing poetry. Example: a comma can often take the place of words like "and, are, the" Giving the reader a time for pause, a time for notion, a time to relfect! <---Examples.
Please take this review in the best of strides. We review eachother critically so that we may learn and grow together as we all become better writers.
Technical/Mechanical:
Free verse, closed for, well written and well versed. Excellent job with the visually structured stanzas. Your poem reminds me of a candle stick, a torch or a flower vase as it were.
Imagery:
Excellent use of your vocabulary skills. Good discriptive lines and thouhgts.
Rhyme sceme:
The rhyme sceme seems to studder a bit in places. I know this is because of your visualizational stanzaic structure, which is why I myself almost never write or prescribe to any closed form of poetry. I find it often can take away from the overall flow and tempo of a work.
Theme:
Your thoughts carry well into the mind of the reader. Excellent job conveying your emotions in this regard.
Technical:
Free verse, open form. No grammatical errors.
Good puntualtion, No stanzaic structure.
however this work flows nicely with an even tempo.
Theme:
Your messege is a very poignant one, it carries through to the mind of the reader.
Good imagery, painting a picture into the mind of the reader, excellent use of your vocabulary skills as well
Technical: (Free Verse, Closed Form)
4X5 stanzaic structure, Well versed.
2X2 Linear rhyme sceme, well written
Rhyme, meter and tempo, This work flows nicely and has a pleasant tempo,
It is both an easy read and easy on the eyes.
Mechanical:
There seems to be some punctual errors, Example:
This line could use a comma between the words "wrong" and "leave" so as to give the reader a pause for notion and a breath.
"Things in life go wrong leave a bruise," there are similar insances whereby the punctuation is left out.
Theme:
Your messege is a very poignant one, it not only speaks of the physical, I.E. childhood scares and/or abuse. But also emotional I.E. verbal abuse against a spouse or lover. Your messege carries well into the mind of the reader. And prompts a visual idea of social injustice. It causes the reader to think? Great work.
For such a short write it speaks volumes to the reader.
Technical: (Well written and well versed)
Quadratic statements, 4 x 2 stanzaic structure,
2 x 2 Rhyme sceme, free verse, closed form.
This work had good form and flows nicely, Excellent tempo.
No gramatical errors.
Theme:
I love the contrast between the day and the night, the imagery puts forth that comparison nicely. Your observation of nature carries well into the mind of the reader.
Suggestion:
Last line 2nd stanza, "stirring dusk out of the way." Dusk occures before nightfall. maybe this line could read --->stirring dawn out of the way. or stirring dawn into the day. Just a thought.
All in all it is an excellent read, I enjoyed it so!
Technical:
Free verse open form: Nothing to say here, It reads well and flows well
Theme, the messege is a very poignent one, although it is somewhat confusing? is the object of the poem in prison,is he/she a ghost? Or even worse, is this prison a mental sickness such as szcizophrenia?
Either premis would fit, your words are some what vague in this matter!
Suggestion: maybe you could better define this sense of hell for the reader? is it literal? Is it self imposed? or is it a mental issue!
Emotional, Expressive, heartfelt, thought provoking.
Not much can be said about the technical and mechanical aspects of this work. it's short and to the point.
Great imagery and descriptive qualities that paint in the mind of the reader a certain picture, of a mother who wishes she could do more for her family. But is doing the best she can!
This work has good form, Structurally. free verse open form yet it flows nicely
It has a certain tempo to it.
From begining to end the contrast between life and death, or the process of letting go is well thoughtout and carries well into the mind of the reader.
The true gift of the promise amongst the bretheren. I will not write a critque form of review, I never do when it comes to word written for or about our LORD and savior.
For who am I to say what words GOD wanted you to write and share with us all?
Having said that... ...it is a pleasant read. Good form!
I wonder though? Was it a car crash that plunged them into the river or lake?
Or was it something darker. did he try to kill her and through her in the river or lake, if your intention was to leave htis to the mind of the reader, then good job and also damn you. J/K. I was left on the edge waiting for some viable explaination... and behold there was none!
Great piece. excellent job pulling the reader in and making them feel your words.
They piss me off to say the least. they always come on at the worst possible moment blocking the view of something important... ...like what the killer was holding or something!
And yes they are also a form of mental conditioning. brainwashing, call it what you will.
Shamelessly I put forth this notion since I'm a poet myself.
Poems are the shortest way to say a million things that need saying.
They are craftly and clever in the most complicated of ways.
A poem is beautiful, it becomes.
What ever you decide to write, write with your heart and mind.
But here is a suggestion something new (political Fiction)
the years is 2045, the one world government is in place but there are still about 12 global corporations. but the earth is dying,it's running out of resources. Especially water.
But we confirm through science,that we can make it to europa, one of jupiter's moon that is comprised of about 70% water. the only question is this. wich company will get there first to claim the mineral rights.
Enter in a race and the 4th world war, not faught between countries but corporations, it's not only a race against time, it's not only a race to europa, but it's a race to save humanity.
Now that would be a great book,I'd be happy to help adapt it for the big screen
All technical aspects aside (which there is no fault in)
The work is short and to the point, a very important messege is being set forth here. I applaud you for this. These 12 lines speak volumes of truth, not only to me but to many, I imagine.
Great choice of words to say so much with so little.
Technical & mechanical:
The stanzas in quadratic form are well versed. the rhyme sceme is emaculate.
The tempoflows or cascades rather, in meter the two go hand in hand almost perfectly. The descriptive imagery causes me to go out tonight and see exactly what the moon is doing.
Excellent use of your vocabulary. No repetitious verbalizations to speak of.
Theme:
Very well written, your messege carries well into the mind of the reader.
Thanks for sharing.
this is a great read.
your Friend,
~YahsPoet~
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