Hey! The concept of your story is good, but it does need some editing. For one, you should slow the pace a little, stretch things out a bit. Instead of jumping right from Jayla waking up to school; slow it a bit. Maybe have her do something, or speak briefly about something that happened to her or why people think she is weird.
Also I noticed gramatical errors, instead of saying "she didn't say nothing" say; "she didn't say anything"
Indent, and create paragraphs, or instead it just comes out in a clump.
Remember to use one tense, instead of switching. Either present tense or past tense, not both or it can be difficult to read. Also, break up Jayla's thoughts from what is happening.
You do not neccessarily have to take my advice, because you are the author.
Other than what I pointed out, I believe you have some real potential with this story.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/xkwenxakux
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:43pm on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
