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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/xianbuss
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19 Public Reviews Given
19 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of I Remember  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a deeply touching and heartfelt poem that beautifully captures the sorrow and love intertwined in watching a loved one struggle with memory loss. The rhyme scheme and steady rhythm enhance its readability, making it flow smoothly and emotionally resonate with the reader.

Strengths:

The progression of emotions is well-structured, guiding the reader through denial, realization, and eventual acceptance.
The simplicity of the language makes it accessible while still carrying a profound emotional weight.
The ending is particularly strong, reinforcing the speaker’s unwavering love and commitment despite the painful circumstances.
Suggestions for Improvement:

Consider adding a few more sensory details or personal memories to strengthen the contrast between past and present. This could make the emotional impact even deeper.
The line "The facts that I'd refused / Hit me like a wall of bricks" is effective, but a more unique metaphor could make it even more powerful. Perhaps something softer, yet equally strong, to match the tone of the rest of the poem.
Overall, this poem is moving and beautifully written. It carries both sorrow and warmth, offering comfort in the idea that love remains even when memories fade. Wonderful work!
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Review of What Time Is It?  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem does a great job of capturing the mix of humor and sadness that comes with aging. The contrast between the shock of time passing ("My kids are in their thirties Shock2") and the quieter, more reflective ending makes it really relatable. There’s something especially poignant about the last stanza—the longing for connection without slipping into outright despair adds a layer of quiet resilience.

One thing that could make it even stronger is adding a little more sensory detail—maybe some specific memories or physical sensations to really ground the reader in the experience. Also, the second stanza could be tightened up a bit for smoother flow. For example:

"My hair is gray and thinning,
My body's wearing down.
It's hard to face the battle—
I’d rather stand my ground."

This keeps the meaning intact but makes it more direct and rhythmic.

Overall, this is a touching and honest piece. It resonates emotionally, and with a few tweaks, it could be even more powerful. Keep writing!
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Review of Lavender and Mint  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This poem is rich with layered emotion and evocative imagery, weaving a sense of release, resilience, and transformation. The opening line, “Lavender was the ephemeral aroma of letting go,” immediately sets a tone of healing and renewal, using scent as a powerful sensory anchor. The way the poem moves between past wounds and the process of overcoming them feels deeply introspective, almost like a meditation on growth through suffering.

The language is beautifully intricate, with lines like “our lessons buried in our chests until the matter was made less” carrying both weight and grace. The metaphor of "fingerprints, a sharp ink that remained” is particularly striking, reinforcing the lingering effects of past harm. The tension between pain and recovery is a consistent thread, making the poem feel both raw and triumphant.

If I were to offer any refinements, I’d suggest smoothing out some of the denser phrases to enhance readability. For example, “Fated. Open wounds inching their stitchings back into one like the stubbornness in vines” is a powerful image, but reworking it for clarity could help maintain the poem’s momentum—something like "Fated—open wounds pulling their seams together, stubborn as vines reclaiming their path." Similarly, “An already paid toll in rebirthing such worn things” could flow more naturally as "A toll long paid, rebirthing what was worn yet waiting to rise again." These small adjustments can make the poem’s rhythm even more fluid without losing its depth.

This is a stunning piece that captures the struggle of healing and the slow, almost sacred process of transformation. The final stanza, with its “celestial bodies ringing” and “perfume like lavender” brings everything full circle, leaving the reader with a sense of closure and possibility. A few refinements could make certain moments shine even brighter, but the heart of this poem is incredibly strong.
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Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review of Sandy and Ray: Guardians of the Magical Oak

This is a charming and uplifting tale filled with warmth, friendship, and the enduring power of good over evil. The story's pacing moves well, keeping a sense of urgency without rushing past the emotional beats. The characters are easy to root for, each with their own distinct personalities that add to the story’s heart. Sandy’s quick thinking, Ray’s vulnerability, and the unwavering support of their friends make for an engaging and wholesome adventure. The magical elements, particularly Noah’s glowing fur and enchanted whiskers, add a delightful touch of wonder without overshadowing the theme of teamwork and kindness.

The villainous witch’s frustration is also well done—her reactions help establish real stakes, making the heroes’ victory feel earned. The Evil Weasel, though mentioned briefly, adds another layer of danger, which keeps the story from feeling too predictable. The ending leaves the reader with a strong message: love, kindness, and friendship are the most powerful magic of all.

Constructive Criticism

While the story is solid, there are a few areas that could be refined to enhance its impact:

1. The Villain’s Motivation – The witch’s goal is clear (spreading darkness and turning the heroes), but why does she want to do this? Does she feed off sadness? Was she wronged in the past? A small detail about her backstory could add more depth and make her feel like more than just an obstacle for the heroes.


2. More Tension in the Rescue Scene – The stakes feel a little too easily resolved. Ray is in real distress, but the moment Noah casts his spell, the problem is gone in an instant. Maybe there could be a small struggle before the magic works, or Ray could be too weak to stand at first, needing more care before fully recovering.


3. The Evil Weasel’s Role – The Weasel is an interesting addition but appears and disappears too quickly. If he serves the witch, maybe he could have a moment where he reports back to her, adding an extra sense of danger and setting up a future confrontation.


4. Setting Details – The forest is magical, but we don’t get a strong sense of what makes it unique beyond the Magical Oak. Are there glowing flowers? Talking trees? A brief description of the setting’s whimsical elements could make the world feel even more alive.



Overall, this is a delightful, heartwarming story with a great message. With a little more depth in the villain’s motivations, added tension in the rescue, and a bit more world-building, it could be even stronger. Keep up the great work!
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Review of Those Lips  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem captures a moment of intense longing and uncertainty, balancing desire with hesitation in a beautifully fluid way. The imagery of "liquid silk" is especially striking—it sets the tone for a piece that feels both delicate and deeply sensual. The contrast between fascination with someone's presence and disinterest in their words adds an intriguing tension, making the emotions feel raw and real.

One of the poem’s greatest strengths is how it builds anticipation. The line "Is this too much, I wonder?" perfectly encapsulates that mix of excitement and vulnerability, pulling the reader into the speaker’s internal conflict. The final question leaves things open-ended, reinforcing the uncertainty of the moment and making it feel all the more relatable.

If I were to suggest any refinements, I’d say the phrase "Only a single thought coys through me" feels slightly awkward—perhaps "drifts through me" or "teases through me" might flow more naturally? Additionally, the line "Will the next words from those lips speak my demise?" is dramatic in a way that works, but it could be even more powerful with a slight tweak for clarity or rhythm.

This is a compelling and evocative piece. It captures that fleeting moment where desire and doubt collide, making it both intimate and universal. A few small refinements in phrasing could elevate it even further.
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Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem carries a deeply personal and heartfelt weight, capturing grief, reflection, and the bittersweet realization of a loved one’s impact. The raw honesty in the writing makes it especially moving—there’s no pretense, just genuine emotion that resonates. The refrain "I hate funerals, but I go" is particularly powerful, reinforcing the idea that showing up is an act of love, even when it's painful.

The imagery is strong, especially in lines like “Black was the limo, black was my soul” and “A cavalcade of cars, lights lit up like the stars.” That contrast between darkness and illumination mirrors the emotional shift beautifully—grief feels isolating, but then comes the realization of shared loss and remembrance.

If I had any constructive feedback, I’d say there are moments where the rhythm and structure could be tightened just a bit for smoother readability. For example, the second stanza’s flow feels slightly uneven compared to the rest, and adjusting some line breaks or word choices could make it more seamless. Also, “Small comfort, relief, my I share” seems like a slight wording hiccup—perhaps reworking it for clarity could enhance the impact.

Overall, this is a touching and well-crafted reflection on loss, the weight of grief, and the importance of presence. The repetition in the final stanza drives the message home with an almost musical quality, leaving the reader with a lingering sense of both sorrow and purpose. With a few refinements, it could be even stronger, but as it stands, it’s a moving and beautifully honest piece.
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Review of The Dark Dance  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem beautifully captures the rhythm of day and night, blending vivid imagery with a deep, almost meditative tone. There's a natural ebb and flow here, much like the tide itself, making the entire piece feel like a gentle yet powerful transition between darkness and light. I love how it evokes both the mystery and the beauty of the night—there’s almost a reverence for its arrival rather than fear.

The imagery is particularly strong. Lines like “The yawning chasm of the night inhales the ebon sea” and “A nacreous caress” are just stunning—so visual, so tactile. The connection between the sea and sky feels both intimate and grand, like two cosmic forces locked in a timeless dance. There’s a quiet sense of wonder woven throughout that makes this feel almost like an ode to the night itself.

If I were to offer any constructive notes, I’d say there are a couple of spots where the language is so rich that it risks becoming a little dense. Lines like “The faint horizon disappears as eventide is born” are lovely but could be simplified just a touch to keep the flow as smooth as the waves being described. Also, the phrase “they're one – no longer free” is intriguing but a bit ambiguous. Clarifying who or what has lost their freedom could strengthen the emotional weight of that moment.

Overall, this is a beautifully crafted piece that captures the magic of nightfall with elegance and depth. It’s reflective, vivid, and has a lovely balance of movement and stillness. A little fine-tuning in clarity could make it even stronger, but as it stands, it’s a mesmerizing and evocative read.
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Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem carries a strong spiritual essence, blending themes of perseverance, faith, and divine grace. There’s a real sense of journey here—both physical and emotional—moving from struggle to revelation. I really appreciate how it captures that push through hardship, only to emerge stronger on the other side. The rhythmic structure gives it a hymn-like quality, making it feel almost like a modern psalm.

One of the poem’s biggest strengths is its imagery. Lines like "Holding back the sun - they near it" and "Through the mist and latent fog" paint vivid pictures of resilience and transformation. The shift from “A prince is labeled as a frog” to “The Great One’s telling, gleaming strength” mirrors that theme of misperception and ultimate truth—something that really ties into faith.

That said, there are a few areas that could be refined. Some lines feel a little abstract, like "Brought to bear, these merit chases…"—it’s intriguing but not entirely clear. Tightening up those moments could make the poem’s message even more powerful. Also, while the structure is consistent, the transition from struggle to faith could be a bit smoother. Right now, it jumps rather quickly from personal battles to divine revelation, and a little more buildup might enhance the emotional impact.

Overall, this is a heartfelt and inspiring piece. The themes of faith, endurance, and divine presence shine through beautifully. A little more clarity in certain lines and a slightly more gradual transition could make it even stronger. But as it stands, it’s a moving, spiritually uplifting read.
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Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
First of all mass props for trying to redo Hitchcocks birds. There is a lot of exposition here. Show don’t tell.

There’s a great story in here, have to do a little bit more work to suss it out
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Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Really love the story, not much to say. I find it weird they have beepers though I think this is the first clue, that things are not how imagined them
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Review of "Forever 16"  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well the first part of the story just seems like exposition find a different way to explain what’s going on. it needs to be proofread and edited. I found a lot of errors. The idea is good. It’s a great sci-fi type story.
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Review of Treats of Jakket  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there Adam, well wow. First off I enjoyed reading this story. It seemed whimsical and felt like the boy might have met a new magical friend. But oh no jakkets a serial murderer, behaved just as one would too. Still didn't see it coming though
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Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It's great it took a while for me to figure out that you were talking about the royal family. The dialogue was sometimes hard to keep track of who was who but I liked it. It was good
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Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I haven’t read any of the other chapters. This is the one that popped up for me so I don’t know what’s going on however, I will say that I found it interesting that Sonia I think was her name came up to them while they were canvassing instead of, I don’t know, them going specifically to her to get this information or meeting her at the precinct or they’re not being another parent or guardian there while they were doing the interview, as she was under age. All in all though, I loved the press scene and the dialogue, and the foreshadowing of the father keep up the good work
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Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, this is the second review I’ve done one of your stories and the first one I didn’t know who Noah and Oliver were now I do. It feels like this is a part of a larger story that you’re working or perhaps, an Anthology of short stories regarding these character. One thing I will say, although I do find it delightful. Is that while you describe the cats you describe them together pointing out which one is which. Also, I’d like to know a little bit more about the little old lady in the cottage. It seems like there needs to be a few more brushstrokes to her character as she is going to be important to The Bassett hound anyway, and possibly the larger story?
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Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tim, so I'm not really good at poetry. I always find it difficult to understand what someone is talking about. But I didn't really have that issue with this poem. Or at least I interpreted it as an exploration of current events and migrant issues. I liked it keep up the good work
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Review by Aiden Blackwood Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
So the first thing that I kept asking while I read this was kind of animals or Noah and Oliver. The second thing I was asking was what kind of animal is sneaky Sam, my guess is a weasel or something. I like this rough draft of the story. It's got potential to be pretty good children's story. The ideas are good. I would like to feel a little bit more like I'm in the forest with them. Keep up the good work
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