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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wyattfoard
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Review by Wyatt Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I found your story through the Read & Review link. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

*Check2* Overall Impression:
The story reads like a scene from a longer narrative. I've only since this piece, but from the title I'm guessing it is a chapter from a longer work you are writing. I was intrigued by the story and was left with multiple questions, some of which may be answered in previous chapters, but other which I'm sure would be found in follow up sections.

*Check2* Plot:
For a short work you are dealing with several story lines! Val's dreams and their meaning, the relationship with not one but two doctors, and what appears to be an introduction to a new character at the end all make for fast paced story line transitions. The reader is left looking forward to more detail on all three plots.

*Check2* Style and Voice:
The piece truly feels like it's being told by the main character. I really felt the suspense and fear in the dream sequence.

*Check2* Scene/Setting:
The descriptions are vivid which really supports the readers visualization of the scene, again especially with the dream sequence.

*Check2* Characters:
The main character Val is well developed. As the reader I feel like I understand her perspective in all three portions of the story.

*Check2* Dialog:
The dialog feels real. It accurately captures how the characters would speak. There are points where it's not clear who is speaking. That issue would be helped with some changes to the grammar mechanics.

*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics:
There are quite a few corrections to me made with grammar in this piece. You are using some complicated techniques, especially in the first paragraph.

*Check2* Suggestions:
I think you would be helped greatly by having someone proofread the piece to help with the grammar while still maintaining the emotion and voice you have.

Thank you for sharing your story. Keep writing!
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