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Review by J Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (1.5)
Tobi,
First I am thinking your character Videla is a police officer, or someone in the military, or maybe an undercover agent, because of her hidden gun hoister. her sudden switch from car to a motorcycle and the blueprints that were on a table in an unmark building.
I had read your work three times to make sure I would review it correctly. I could see where the action could be build up in this piece and if well written, you have the making of a great story. I could not see the consistency in this piece.
To explain; In paragraph three, a dressed Videla gets into her vehicle where she receives a phone call from her boss, after returning his call, there is no mention of her ever going back into the house, which brings us to paragraph eight, where she grabs her gun and sticks it in her holster after getting dressed, she grabs her keys locking the door yet a second time.
Paragraph ten, when she looked at the drunk, some type of description should have been noted. And finally in paragraph eleven she hops on a motorcycle, rides to an undisclosed location, to see a man with no name.
Please reread the paragraph I mentioned, and notice the inconsistency where you could change some words around.
In concluding, I can see this story heading toward some type of mystery or intriguing suspense, and I would also be happy to reread this story once you make some changes. Keep up the good work.

J
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