Hi ajw708, I just finished reading "What is Hope" , and would like to share my thoughts. I found your poem on [insert where you found the poem by searching the "Browse by Type" section. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Keep in mind that these are my thoughts from reading your work and I am in no way an expert, but just a fellow reader sharing my impressions. Please use anything you find useful and discard the rest. I am learning more from your writing than I could ever share. Thank you for sharing! As an additional note: I am really new at both reading and reviewing poetry. Any feedback on my feedback is also greatly appreciated!
Overall Impression:
I felt this was uplifting for me. I am not one that "hopes" a lot, so reading this a few times entered my mind and gave me pause as to whether or not I should give hope a chance. I've always been more logical and see-it-to-believe-it in personality. I appreciate especially the line "Hope is an odd thing" because that's exactly how I feel. I know it exists. I know it has its uses. But I don't grasp it entirely.
Title:
I liked the title. In fact, being one that operates more on practical experience rather than hope, the title is what drew me into this poem initially.
Imagery:
This is an area that I felt really shined. Lines like "big like a glacier" and "arm's length" and "goes down swinging" put images directly in my head. This evoked previous experiences I've had hiking across a glacier, setting the line in marching band (always at arm's length) and watching or playing baseball games. Very good imagery in my opinion.
Rhyming & Repetition:
I also felt this was done well. After the first stanza, I went back and started over as I saw the rhyming going on with the consonance.
Structure & Form:
Being a newbie, I have little experience in this area. I would only say that this was easy to read by the way it was presented. The lines and separation with the rhyming and rhythm made for an enjoyable experience.
Theme:
You stuck with it perfectly. Hope was the title and the theme of the poem. Well done.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestion other than to keep writing. I really enjoyed this. It made me feel good as I read it each time! Thanks very much!
Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!
For more information on how the rating systems work, please read "Comment-In-A-Box"
Hi Tim Chiu, I just finished reading "The Tide Seems Strengthened" , and would like to share my thoughts. I found your poem through the search by type. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Keep in mind that these are my thoughts from reading your work and I am in no way an expert, but just a fellow reader sharing my impressions. Please use anything you find useful and discard the rest. I am learning more from your writing than I could ever share. Thank you for sharing! As an additional note: I am new to poetry, something I have always found mysterious but beautiful. Please bear with me as I work through my thoughts and share them with you. I admit to being fully inadequate to critique but want to learn.
Overall Impression:
My first impression was evoked by comparing the title to the poem itself. This left me with a feeling of being on an inner tube where I had no control over where I would go and was left to bounce with the waves. I say this in a most positive meaning. In reading the title about the Tide being Strengthened and then the opening of the poem, I was drawn to this emotion. Overall, after reading it several times I really was able to focus my emotions on the state of being. I appreciate that. I'll explain more in the sections below.
Title:
As I said above, the title gave me a bit of wishy-washy with the imagery. To me, this was not a bad thing at all. In fact, I began to appreciate it more with each reading. Tides flow in and out. A strengthening tide would be more forceful as it pulls the sand from the beach.
Imagery:
The imagery was subtle, which is something I really like. I prefer having to use my brain than being spoon fed. This poem, beginning with the image of the Tide in the title and continuing through the poem I had to search. I had to read it several times. Not to "get it" but to really feel it. I found going from being the victim to being included again at the end compelling. I started by feeling injured and ended feeling as if I was amongst friends again.
Rhythm:
Since I am new to poetry, I don't have a lot to say here. I did enjoy for my part, going back and re-reading it several times with a different cadence, paying more attention to the punctuation and enjambment to help me see. It seems more free form. Please correct me on this as I am learning.
Structure & Form:
The flow worked well for me. I felt like I could experience each emotion along the way.
Theme:
As a new reader of poetry, I appreciate the additional line of explanation under the title, "Political polarization..." as it did help me understand the nuance behind it all. I love politics and the goings on in the world, so this drew me in quickly.
Suggestions:
For my part, I have no suggestions. I will return to this poem and read it, again and again, to better understand as I do feel it was well done. Thanks for posting it and allowing this newbie to review!
Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!
For more information on how the rating systems work, please read "Comment-In-A-Box"
Hi carlton607, I just finished reading "Annie" , and would like to share my thoughts. I found your story in the Rockin' Reviewer Academy Lesson 2. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Keep in mind that these are my thoughts from reading your work. Please use anything you find useful and discard the rest. I am learning more from your writing than I could ever share. Thank you for sharing!
Overall Impression:
The suspense is real! I can practically feel the wind and feel the fright from wondering what is going to happen as the storm passes through. I grew up in a tornado alley, so this type of suspense story definitely speaks to me. There are a number of grammar issues that have a big impact on the story and make it a bit difficult to get through.
Plot:
The plot is clear to me. A night surviving the storm. I think this was presented well.
Style and Voice:
I'm including the dialog and grammar/mechanical critique in this one space. These go hand in hand for this story. Though I can tell there is passion in the story about the fear, this is lost through the various mechanical issues. As the story is told, there are several areas that include run-on sentences and incorrect word usage. These make it especially difficult to read since I have to go back and make sure I read it right or got the gist. This is an area that not everyone is proficient in, but because it is mechanical it is easy to fix.
One thing I noticed is the over use of the word "and". Combining the thoughts and actions with this word is appropriate, but when it is overused it makes the flow difficult. For example "She dreamed of what had happened and several times she woke up in a chilling puddle of worry." This might be better expressed by reworking the structure to something like "Several times through the night she was awoken by her dreams of the past." Though I left out the part about the puddle of worry, the point is still made without the "and" in it.
There are also some word usage issues that need to be vetted. Pieceful, instead of peaceful. "because of his tail wagged" should be something like "because his tail was wagging".
The end was a shock that I didn't see coming at all. Annie died. There was no lead up to the event and no suggestion that this was a possibility. It achieves the value of grabbing attention but is out of place without some sort of association through the story.
Suggestions:
My first, and strongest suggestion, is to work on the readability of the story. Part of this will be fixing grammar (including punctuation and sentence structure) and word usage issues. Once those are fixed, I think you're well on your way to a successful story.
If you would like, I am happy to re-review this one after you've had a chance to work on it a bit.
Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!
For more information on how the rating systems work, please read "Comment-In-A-Box"
Hi Ametorpe, I just finished reading "An Act of kindness (Writer's Cramp)" , and would like to share my thoughts. I found your story after seeing your post in the Noticing Newbies forum. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Keep in mind that these are my thoughts from reading your work. Please use anything you find useful and discard the rest. I am learning more from your writing than I could ever share. Thank you for sharing!
Overall Impression:
The story is short, but honestly, I think that gives it a maximum impact. I was driven to read this to the end. Good job with the imagery and the way you tell the story. I enjoyed this very much and felt as if I was standing on the other side of the road watching it all play out. I have a couple of suggestions below that I hope are helpful.
Plot:
In my opinion, this was well done. I felt like the story really moved forward and kept my attention.
Style and Voice:
I like the style you present. The short and succinct descriptions work well.
Scene/Setting:
I felt that you did this very well also. An example of one that I especially liked was "The curtains had been left open because the night was hot and the moonlight filtered into the bedroom giving it a silvery glow."
You used just the right amount of words to give the idea without going overboard in the description. I can see this scene very well. I have the same sentiment throughout.
Characters:
Since this is a shorter story, there's not much in the way of character development and that is fine here. Very easily I can understand everyone's role without having to go into detail. Any more would distract from the plot.
Grammar and Mechanics:
This is an area that I feel may need just a little bit of work. Overall, it was fine, but there were some things that were distracting. For instance, having the bold was not usually needed. I do agree that the "KAAABOOOM!!" was well placed and well done. I wouldn't change that at all.
Using P.O.P instead of plaster of Paris was distracting. I would instead, just say "plaster" after you've already given the Plaster of Paris note previously.
Suggestions:
Other than those mentioned above, I really don't have more suggestions. I think this was well written. Thanks for sharing!!
Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!
For more information on how the rating systems work, please read "Comment-In-A-Box"
Wow! Your strength in the face of such trauma and adversity is inspiring. Battling on to complete your works, knowing that the big C could return at any moment shows your perseverance and true strength. I'm amazed at your 'dear me' story and compelled to re-evaluate my own life for changes that put the priorities in the right place. Thanks!
Interesting poem. Do we live in constant fear or darkness? Is the candle lit or do we only get used to the lack of light? We view the world in dim light and fear what we cannot perceive. Though we try to look for the positive in life, do we plan for or expect the worse? Good imagery.
What a riveting story. As I read each scene, I could see, feel, hear, and smell what was going on. Excellent descriptions. I couldn't stop reading if I wanted. I will admit that the end loses me a bit. I can't tell who was being buried. Part of me assumed it was the child based on the priest's words, another part of me is not sure. I want to read more to find out!
Wow, riveting! The idea of the ring's power conjures images of Lord of the Rings, where Bilbo puts on the ring and disappears. Thoughts of what happens next, where did they go, and what nefarious activities will ensue are racing through my mind!
My only issue is that I want to know more. Excellent work!
I very much enjoyed your story. I would love to see you expand this to a longer form short story with more depth, such as Patrick seeking to find the wife and what happens when he delivers the message.
One thing that gave me pause was how you presented the date and time. I could encourage a simpler method because it seemed to interrupt the flow. Otherwise, good job and keep it up!
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