Very cute! Very Creative!
My favorite line is..."I'd rather feed my fish than a shark"
This seemed really fun. You have inspired me to pick a random word and try it for myself.
Good Stuff...Write On!
Hello Shautsi! I read "Her First Time" and wanted to offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:
This piece has a lot of impact. What stronger feelings/emotions are their than those when you first discover love.
Effectiveness of Form:
I am not an expert on Poetry form, but I will say that it has a nice easy flow to it.
Punctuation and Grammar:
I didn't notice any errors or problems.
Closing comments:
Nice job! I really enjoyed this poem. I could actually feel her butterflies and it brought back memories of being young and discovering someone who could make you feel that way.
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us here at WDC and please WRITE ON! Special K
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Hi Mr S! After reading "Curses!" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The ancient artifact angle is a great hook! I was interested and eager to read on.
What I liked :
I liked the mummy with an evil curse on it. I would have liked to have heard more about how it became that way. Also, the last line (date of plan crash) gave me a chill.
Suggestions:
I think you could write an interesting book based on this short story idea.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
One evening in a bar, they met an (a) fifty looking English antiquites dealer who engaged them in a lively conversation about some artifacts he had acquired over the years.
"She ('s) fantastic," one of the young men said
Thank you for sharing your talent with us here on Writing.com and please...
First Impression:
The birthday celebration, drinking at a random nightclub with people your character didn't really consider good friends, was a nice set-up or hook. I was compelled to read on.
What I liked :
My favorite part was the walk home in the alley way. Nice imagry and spooky effect.
Suggestions:
I would have liked Rachel to have said something like, "Truth or Dare Jack?" I think it would have brought up the scary factor a notch or two.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
None found.
Great Job! I enjoyed this story a lot. I will visit your port again.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us, here at writing.com and please...Write On!
Hi Jake! After reading "Experience" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
I think your subject on this informational essay was well stated in the introduction.
What I liked :
I liked that you used personal life experiences as the supporting data for your piece. This made it easy for the reader to relate and understand the point you are trying to make. I also like that your target audience is anyone dealing with or trying to help an older loved one.
Suggestions:
I liked where you were going with this sentence Well, how many years will it take? What, exactly, do I have to go through to earn the privilege of speaking with the "grown-ups"?
I think it would have greater impact if you could also include something like..He would have been gone (blank) years before I would have been considered on his "experience level" and my great advice would have been just (blank) years too late.
Just an idea :)
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
None were found. Nice Job!
I think you could take this same subject/angle into the office place for a follow-up essay. Nice Job!
Thank you for sharing your talent with us, here at writing.com and please...Write On!
Hi Vivien! After reading "Dark Romance" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
You didn't waste any time. I think the hook is right there in the title "Dark Romance". It is very intriguing. Nice choice.
What I liked :
I like it when ever there is a ghost and they are making contact with the main character while they are both asleep and awake. Dreams open up a whole creative level of writing in my opinion. They can be vague, choppy and suggestive to give the reader some clues without giving away too much. I hope the mention of her dreams is a foreshadowing of some scary dream sequences to come.
Suggestions:
Let us experience a couple of her dreams and feed us some small clues as to what is going on and who the dark, ghost lover may be. This will lend some great mystery and suspense to your story. Remember to use descriptive writing in this area especially.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
I only noticed one thing. I think that the line that says: “I have just the man for you. He is kind and sweet. He, too, has just lost his heart.”
should be with the line of dialog above it? I believe that is still Morgan speaking and it is confusing that you've started a new line there.
I think you are off to a great start here. I will have to read on to see what happens next, so you have obviously done your job.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us, here at writing.com and please...Write On!
Hello Nadia! I read "fear" and wanted to offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:
This is a very strong piece and speaks volumes on fear in todays society. A strong political statement is made in this poem.
Effectiveness of Form:
The poem has a smooth flow, is easy to read and the imagery is is flawless.
Punctuation and Grammar:
I didn't notice any punctuation, spelling or typos of any kind.
Closing comments:
I really enjoyed your piece, I found it very moving.
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us here at WDC and please WRITE ON! Special K
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Hello Karenmcrump! I read "Invalid Item" and wanted to offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:
Your poem has great impact and style. I love the message it brings. Life is short, find yourself, go places, do things etc...
Effectiveness of Form:
Your Nonet was in perfect form. Nicely Done!
Punctuation and Grammar:
I found no problems in this area either.
Closing comments:
You have turned me on to the Nonet and now I may have to try it for myself :)
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us here at WDC and please WRITE ON! Special K
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Hello Black Rose! I read "Leaving Love Behind" and wanted to offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:
This piece has great impact! I'm sure tons of people could relate to it as well and find inspiration in it's well crafted words.
Effectiveness of Form:
I am by no means a poetry expert, but the piece sports a very smooth flow and the rhymes seem to be spot on. Nicely Done!
Punctuation and Grammar:
I didn't find any problems in this area either.
Closing comments:
A beautiful piece of work BRAVO!
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us here at WDC and please WRITE ON! Special K
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HelloSimbion! I read "Fallen" and wanted to offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:
I liked your imagery in this piece. You show us how falling in love can "hurt so good".
Effectiveness of Form:
Nice imagery of feelings. This was my favorite line in the poem; It hurts to want something and nothing at the same time.
Punctuation and Grammar:
There were a few found.
Stanza 1/Line 2: trough (through) - Stanza 1/Line 3: wiil (will) - Stanza 1/Line 5: hount (haunt) - Stanza 2/Line 2: sence (sense) - Stanza 2/Line 3: It is a where I admit (take "a" out) - Stanza 3/Line 4: im (I'm) - Stanza 3/Line 5: but you'r (you're)
Closing comments:
I think you have the makings of a really good piece here, you just need to proof read and fine tune it.
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us here at WDC and please WRITE ON! Special K
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HiHayRae! After reading "A Long Time" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
I think any married woman could relate to this very realistic story. Goosebumps and butterflies are a wonderful and amazing feeling, that sadly, do seem to fade with the ongoing knowlege of a partner. I don't normally read too much on this genre, but really enjoyed this story.
What I liked :
I liked the bedroom setting of the story and how the story takes place, for her both in wake and in sleep. Nice style!
Suggestions:
Also, it may just have been me but, I was alittle confused by this line, untl I realized you were being creative with the word "buttons". I'm just mentioning it because it made me pause and broke up the reading flow for just a minute.
I slid the round pieces of plastic through the soft cloth.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
I'm not sure if this line is correct, did you mean for it to be "kiss" or should it have been "kissed" He laughed and kiss (kissed) my chest.
This story was well written and tastfully thought out. Brovo!
Thank you for sharing your talent with us, here at writing.com and please...Write On!
First Impression:
You caught my attention right away with the cold dank setting and the prostitutes with chattering teeth out trying to earn a living. I felt the very cold, dreary place that your characters delled in.
What I liked :
I thought your Dorota, was a very well rounded character. A young girl forced by life's circustances, into a situation she hates. It was such a short story, but in your third person navative, you were able to give us background into her family life and what it was that brought her to this place in time. Nice job!
Suggestions:
I didn't notice any typos or spelling errors. The only thing I have for you is that I wanted to know more about the creatures living below the surface of Prague. I wanted to know more of what they looked like, smelled like and what was further down that tunnel. I want to read on...you should expand this story in my humble opinion.
That's a big thumbs up from me. Nice Job!
Thank you for sharing your talent with us, here at writing.com and please...Write On!
First Impression:
I thought this was so funny! The accent was really cute and it reminded me of the Chef on the Muppet Show. I loved how you put yourself into the story as the TV announcer. Nice touch!
Suggestions:
I didn't notice any typo's and have no suggestions for you at this time.
Overall, I found it a very fun read and would like to read another selection from your portfolio in the future.
Thank you for sharing you talent with us here at writing.com and please...Write On!
This is so politically now! It's sharp and to the point.
I loved it from start to finish and would not change one word of this poem.
We (America) need this change!
Nice character developement and imagry throughout the story. I felt the emotions of each character and it was a nice touch at the end, to find out a little bit more about Father Patrick. It was almost like watching a scene from a movie. Nicely Done!
Thanks for sharing you talent with us and Write On!
What nice imagry of the innocence of children. It made me remember how my daughter was at that young age when there were no worries in the world, only toys, candy and friends.
Then you bring us crashing back to earth with the reality that sadly, they must all grow up and see the world for what it really is. I also really like the sense of this being an old sonnet although, it was written just this year.
I loved this poem! I just started writing altogether in June 2008, upon joining this site. Just last month I became very interested in poetry and joined a poetry class here on WDC. I hope you don't mind but, I printed your poem to post above my writing desk for inspiration. Bravo! I am anxious to read something else writen by you.
Hi DL Don! After reading "Eaters" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression: The story does catch your attention right at the beginning as we are tossed into the action.
I thought it was a scene right out of "Night Of The Living Dead" or "Dawn Of The Dead" but at the end it was described as a mutant insect species.
Nice surprise!
Suggestions: I would have liked to hear a description of the eaters.
I found a couple typos. Never seen them for up close until a few days ago, but what makes you think they can get through wood and metal?”
That’s (what) we get when we mess around with DNA.”
What I liked: I liked that your characters are running from the attack of the killer insects. Scary stuff! The story starts right in the action and is pretty fast paced. I think it was a powerful line at the end showing us just how scared these people are. To think that they feel the dead guy is better off than they are.
Thank you for sharing your talents with us here at WDC and please Write On!
That was awesome! What a fun and funny read. This story has convinced me to give it a try myself. I have been told in couple of my reviews that my dialogue sounded un-realistic. This was a great inspiration of what I need to work on. I totally get what they mean now. Thanks for a great read. Congrats on your win!
Nice Job! The whole way through I thought it was about lost love/a break up. Then when the word "Heaven" came into play I realized that it was about losing a life and then you surprised me at the end with "Thanks Dad!" and the true meaning came to view. Nicely done!
I don't know anything about poetry although I like it. This was moving.
Write On!
Special K/Kim
Typos: “I gonna paint at Opa’s, Mommy. Will’s gonna paint flowers. I gonna paint a tree and a boat, Daddy. ( " ) Just needs closing quotation mark.
Characters: I liked the interaction between the two boys. I really enjoyed the youngest boy Jack. His dialogue was great!
Overall: I liked the story it was very cute. You have inspired me to try a childrens story in the future. Great Job! Good luck with the contest.
Special K
This was terrifying! It would have made a great "Tales From The Crypt" or "Night Gallery" episode. You had me on the edge of my seat waiting to see what was going to happen. I liked the fast pace of the story. It flowed smoothly and was well written. Nice Job!
That groupie has found out the truth about Rock Stars...their appeal is only skin deep. :) lol
Write On!
Special K
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