I like this poem and so true are the words. I like the fact that the preacher is using His day to speak honestly to his congregation from his heart and I am sure if a preacher did this, I would receive it in the spirit that it was intended.
People yes, people make the church. They a re the heart and hands of a body for sure.
I like how you bring to attention that people are hurting. Yes, people are, inside and outside of the church and yes, they need the Lord, they need the love and support of the body of Christ as well, displaying a living example of unconditional love to them.
A comment about content:
The last line
We don't save souls for the pay. , I think I understand what your saying - we seek to save souls because that is what we are charged to do, not for anything that we can gain from it - am I close?) here but for some reason it felt awkward . It might be just me but I wanted to point that out to you.
I enjoyed reading your Autumn poem. . The images that you paint with your words are spot on for describing this season. I can picture them in my mind's eye and It made me want to be a kid again to share the giggling and fun of costumes and treats.
The flow of your sentences sounds good. There is though, one minor change that I would like to suggest.
this is my suggestion:
These lines read as follows:
The sweet smell of cinnamon floats through the air
As those horrible holiday sweaters are all that you wear
As the leaves stop falling from that beautiful autumn sky
Everyone notices that fall is about to die
I would drop the first As, which makes the sentence flow a bit smoother
The sweet smell of cinnamon floats through the air
those horrible holiday sweaters are all that you wear
As the leaves stop falling from that beautiful autumn sky
Everyone notices that fall is about to die
Check your punctuation and capitalization to see if that is right too.
Minor tweaks to a great read of a poem.
I like this a lot.
The boy is still inside indeed. Funny how kids seem to be in a hurry to grow up. If they only realized that being young is short lived and being an adult is for the rest of their lives maybe they would enjoy being young more.
your depth of insight is what makes this poem work.. I like the format..
one comment , did you miss a comma in the last stanza?
I like the simplicity of this poem. It brings a smile to my face.
I like the way it ends not revealing if it's she loves me or it's not that you end with.
This poem is full of emotionally powerful words. Intense indeed
Your words ring true of life and relationship struggles. In the midst of it all still looking inside for hope to hang in there when its tough.
Calling her darling, so tender a nd loving, from the heart. It shines as a contrast to the rest of the poem it shines like a star in the night sky.
This story actually reminded me of something a guy friend of mine would have written. I can relate to the forgetfulness mentioned here and the pressure felt to not do this in such an important occasion.
The plot was interesting and drew me in.
The dialog, seems a little unreal though to me. It sounds to right for some reason and not human enough. Han's needs more of a transition from misery to helpfulness, I think. His business just burned to the ground.
It would be great to see the son step out of his cake crises and reach out to Han's or pour out his story of woe Han's and have Han's come up with the idea to rescue him by baking a cake, which is so like a man to do and honestly very believable too.
I liked that the son actually enjoyed baking! It was a total win for him, who seemed over do for knocking something out of the park so to speak.
It was unclear though that Han's was actually making a job offer to him.
all in all a enjoyable read. I Keep writing!
You can take my suggestions and do with them as you want. It's only my opinion about this.
*Bullet* How did the writing make you feel? Did it invoke any emotions?
*Bullet* Can you relate to the writing through a personal experience?
*Bullet* Did the plot interest you? Were the characters believable? Did the dialog flow naturally?
*Bullet* Did the time, place and other setting characteristics work together?
*Bullet* What did you like most? What did you like least? Did anything stand out?
*Bullet* Is there anything you would change within the writing?
*Bullet* Was the writing memorable? Why or why not?
*Bullet* If this were your own writing, what would you want to know from a reviewer?
I enjoyed this poem, the pictures your words created were sweet and lovely. This spontaneous meeting in the rain with two focused on each other oblivious to what i around them - a romantic picture of new love indeed.
I would suggest that you consider dropping the last two lines of the poem. "To feel like you love me again" I was content with having this be the ending. The last two lines do not really add to your poem .
Powerful words.
one suggestion, you might want to try and keep the length of the sentences consistent. Look at the long ones and either edit them to make them clearer and shorter or break them into two lines.
You say so much here in this poem. I think it's one that evokes a lot of emotion. I also think that with some Polish this could touch hears stronger then it already does and be powerful
Keep writing !
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 12:53am on Dec 18, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
