I like it. I like the repetition. Though a couple line, because I think, you were going for the rhyme, the rhythm was off a bit. And I'd love to give you a solution, but I don't have one. I run into the same problem with my sestinas. But overall, good job.
I wrote this kick-ass review and then... And then... the computer blipped out. Short version - Good wording, good rhythm, but sounds like a poem, not a prayer. Which is not to say it isn't good *which I explained well and eloquently the first time I wrote this*. But it could be polished. The joke kinda falls flat at the end. But I see the horse, I just think you have some more to chip away.
This is great! The bad habits our parents teach us. My Mother believed that if it was in a pile, on a table, then it was "put away." I have piles on every flat surface in my home, which means it's clean.
That's why this poem is so good. I think most people picked up a habit or two from their parents It's universal.
Very, very nice. Perfect. I've always seen snow as white paper. I'd never thought it the other way around. Remember: A blank piece of paper is G-d's way of showing you what it's like to be G-d. G-d. White paper. Mashed potatoes.
I felt this piece was choppy. I follow from the ball to the roll to the pins to the strike. But the explaination of the safe crackers just feels shoved in there.
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