I read your story many times. I think it is lovely. The affection you have for your friend is amazing and you have captured those feelings in your writing.
Here are some ideas and suggestions.
1. The first sentence does not grab my attention so my advice is to experiment by using different ones and see if you like one better. You might take the first paragraph and move things around. Remember your focus is on Elizabeth and your friendship and this is not about your parents or being sleepy.
2. I am not sure who "us " is. Maybe you could use the words (our class or me).
3. Your descriptions are marvelous. By what you have written I can see that your relationship with your friend is very valuable and I can see why.
4. Maybe write ( the small talks she initiated with me) instead of writing the word would.
5. Perhaps ( the hours feel like mere minutes) instead of using the word felt since you are using the present tense word " When".
6. I am willing to look at this again if and when you make any changes and will not ask for additional gift points.
I am actually shocked that a teenager wrote this. You are an amazing writer. I really enjoyed reading this. There are so many things I liked about it. You and Elizabeth are fortunate to have that special friendship. You are also fortunate to have the ability and the talent to write about how important she is to you.
This is a beautiful. Much respect is shown by the way it is written. Each word and sentence was put together so lovingly. I read it several times to see how I might be able to assist you in your request to make your writing even better.
Here are some ideas.
1. The beginning was somewhat difficult to understand so I suggest that you change the words " and your memory"
to I was reminded of you. You may want to use different words yet I think you are saying That the words reminded one granddaughter of her grandfather. As it is the words do not seem to be connected to the first part of your writing.
2. The rest of your poem is so sweet and kind that I would not change anything about it.
3. You might want to consider punctuation.
4. You are a good writer. I can see so much talent. You express thoughts and feelings that some people would find difficult to write and you do so with much humility.
Your poem is meaningful to me. In my opinion not every feeling or thought has to be completely understood. Some of the very best poems I have read keep me guessing. This poem left me with more questions than some poems do yet that is all right.
I have some ideas.
1. The poem leaves me with some sad feelings. The words " pretend" and " don't kid yourself " indicate that this person is questioning the significance of his or her life.
3. "Remember the regrets and the pain" are words that suggest that others are being asked to forget the goodness they experienced in their personal relationship with the one who is gone.
4. The writer seems to doubt the importance of his or her own existance.
5. Asking those who have been in any type of meaningful relationship with someone not to show emotion is like asking the sky not to rain in my opinion or asking the sun not to shine. This writer asks for the impossible and my question is Why?
5. Consider using punctuation if you think it might help readers to comprehend the meaning of your words or message.
7. You painted pictures with words. I saw the ocean and the waves.
8. I am not sure how anyone could let death be the end of the one that lived and was loved. To some people the love that they have lasts forever. I am not certain "the end of me" has to be repeated.
6. Your poem gave me many things to think about. Your talent and skill is evident. I hope you see my suggestions as being made to help to make a good poem even better.
I am challenging myself to review these guidelines on reviewing. I am hoping that my suggestions will motivate you to do more instructional writing. I am also hoping that many people will be inspired to give even better reviews.
Here are some observations.
1. After reading your ideas for reviewing I was encouraged to be a better reviewer.
2. The questions and answers helped me to understand important techniques.
3.Perhaps this information could be written in relatively short ways and in different categories. There was much knowledge contained in what you wrote yet honestly maybe too much for one instructional message. Breaking it into smaller categories might make the information easier to comprehend for those who are not experienced or those who are interested in knowing about specific subjects.
3. The task you took on of teaching what you know was not an easy one. I commend you for your effort and appreciate the time you took to write this.
4. I am convinced that you have good skills and the talent to teach other writers ways to be good writers.
5. Please keep writing and encouraging others.
If you decide to break this down into categories I will be glad to review the results. This will be my gift to you. I will not charge additional points.
Your poem is beautiful. The end is a glorious surprise. So much affection, joy and faith is contained in the words.
I am very affected by the sentiments you expressed. The story you described so sweetly as an eternal one. The appreciation you showed for is amazing and
lovely.
My spirit rejoiced when I read what you had written. Reading this was an certainly an awesome blessing. Thank you. I believe that others will be comforted also. I hope that soon you to will publish this poem so that many believers and even nonbelievers can read it.
Writing has given you an excellent way to express what you see and feel. Each word you used has tremendous significance. Your message is powerful.
I have some impressions to share with you and just one suggestion.
1. Honestly I could read this again and again and get new insights each time.
2.Your message could apply to many different people in many different places.
3. The concept of faith is interesting yet you do not specify what faith and so could refer to various beliefs.
4.This created fascinating images in my mind.
5 I felt the frustration that was being expressed.
6. Aren't we fortunate to be able to freely write our about our faith and political views?
7. My suggestion is to keep on writing because you are very talented.
I hope that this review encourages you. Writing can be challenging and knowing that what we write is having an impact on others helps. I believe your writing can have a positive effect on many people.
Your poem is powerful. There is tremendous meaning in the words you used. It is a great reminder of the cost of freedom.
These are my impressions:
1. Perhaps you could read your writing out loud to determine where you could place additional punctuation?
2. The words you used brought vivid images to my mind.
3. You ended this in a hopeful way.
4. The questions you asked were an effective way to communicate. You could show they are questions by using question marks as you did before.
I think you have a special ability and I encourage you to keep on writing. If you decide to make changes and want me to do another review I will without asking for gift points. I hope my comments helped you.
Your love poem is sweet. Whoever receives these beautiful sentiments is fortunate. I do have few suggestions that might be helpful.
Here are some of my impressions:
1. Maybe you could write When I looked into your eyes " I saw your heart"
Or maybe change the last part to the present tense
2. Did something sad inside you die? Maybe you could say that something sad inside you died. My question is what did you feel as far as dying.
3. You have a talent. Not every person can express their feelings of deep affection in words.
Poems are easier to follow if the writer chooses the past, present or future tense of their words with skill. That does not mean the writer should stay in just the present or the past or the future. Those choices have to be made though very skillfully as I see it. Another idea is read your poem out loud and see if you are jumping around from one time to the next without having a good reason to do so.
If you decide to make changes and would like for me to review your poem again I will do so without asking for gift points.
In very few words you have created a beautiful poem. Now it is my challenge, in many more words, to give you some observations. I can tell you what I appreciate about your writing however I only have one suggestion.
I liked the following:
1. This is very sweet and loving
1. Each of your words had great significance and seem to have been chosen carefully.
3. Your description of a family included all sorts of people who grew up in different ways.
4. I think your poem has tremendous potential of bringing feelings of gratitude and happy memories to those who read it.
5. My suggestion is to keep on writing and entering contests because you are a good writer.
Your poem is beautiful. The love you have is so sweet. I have only a few suggestions. Even if you choose not to change anything I want you to know that I think your writing is lovely.
If you could manage to put this together in a way that would make your readers stop and stare at your poem then it would be even more lovely to read. I am not certain that my ideas will accomplish that goal however I will give you a few possibilities. Poetry can leave a lasting impression.
Here are my reactions.
1. The title is fascinating.
2. Perhaps the words that you used in the title could be used further down in your poem.
3. Read it out loud and put the words at various places and see if you like " I had to stop and stare" better somewhere near the middle.
4.Consider if you want to use the past, present or future tenses in your words.
Examples: " I'm falling in love with you". is in present tense.
"I had to stop and stare" is past tense.
Your last sentence is in future tense.
If you make changes and want me to look at this again I will do so without asking for gift points. I want to encourage you to make this love poem a unique one because I am convinced that you have the talent as a writer to express your feelings in a wonderful way.
Your message is a very thankful one. I think it is beautiful. This reflects your faith and your gratitude in a wonderful way.
Here are my impressions and some suggestions to help you write about the blessings you have found.
1. The descriptions are lovely.
2. This seems to have been created to read out loud as well as to be read silently.
2. You inspire your readers to be more appreciative of the gifts that have been given to us.
3. There are a few spelling mistakes I noticed. These are the words I think you might have wanted to use.
( scents, limbs, precious)
4. Take a look at the way you used punctuation and perhaps ask someone to assist you who is more knowledgeable than I am how to punctuate your writing.
If you would like to make some corrections and want me to review this again I would be happy to without charging additional gift points. I want to encourage you because I think you have a special gift for communicating your feelings and thoughts.
I enjoyed reading your poem. I think your writing is playful and imaginative. I can see that you have talent and have developed skills to be a good writer.
These are my impressions.
1 From the words you used I got a good image of the leprechaun.
2. You have a great imagination and used your words to paint a visual picture so your readers could see what was happening in this poem.
3. You kept my attention from the beginning to the end.
4. You gave the character of your poem a wonderful personality.
5. The only suggestion I have is to look at your punctuation and see if you might want make some changes. If read aloud where would you want someone to start and stop?
I hope that my observations were helpful.
Your story really impacted me. The way you compared the battle scars of life inflicted on others by their own selves to a fierce creature is astounding actually.
This is a sensitive yet very powerful account of a people's struggle with their mind and body. I think that your ability to put your thoughts together in such a creative way is incredible.
I really can not think of any suggestions. You accomplished your goal of bringing attention to a subject in a way that many people could never do. You have a special talent in writing. It is something that could definitely be investigated. Hopefully the tigers will not hurt many more people or just miraculously turn back to human beings.
Your story sent shock waves down my spine. The beginning was tame and the end was wild. The way you wrote this story was ingenious in my opinion.
I liked the way you repeated a specific sentence and the way you ended your story with it. The two characters seemed to be of a different mind set. One seemed to be suspecting that the other had less noble reasons for doing what she was doing. Her motives were questioned.
The story gradually built up to a very dramatic ending. You told a tremendous amount in very few words. The words you used were powerful.
I have no suggestions about how to improve your story except to encourage you to keep writing. You have a unique ability and are very creative.
I read this and my reaction is that you have put into words what so many others probably are feeling. Your writing is very honest, sad and yet hopeful.
I can see much potential in what you wrote. The story showed resilience. Even though there was regret about choices in the past the future appears to be a very good one.
I commend you for writing about such sensitive subject in such a transparent way. It takes courage to do that. You have a talent and are using it to express your thoughts and feelings as you have done. I believe your writing will encourage others in their journey of recovery.
This poem is a thoughtful one that encourages us to examine our actions. It encourages readers to stop and consider what legacy we will be leaving behind.
I see much that is good about your poem.
1. In a non-judgmental way you challenge others and express your faith.
2. By writing about the past, present and future you cover all aspects of life.
3.The words you chose could be interpreted in various ways depending on your reader's experiences and that is a characteristic of good poetry in my opinion.
The only advice I have is to keep writing. By encouraging others. to make good choices, this poem has the potential to have a far reaching impact. I think that writing is a special gift that our King has given you.
Your poem is very imaginative. I like many things about how you wrote it. I have only one suggestion.
Here are my observations:
1. Your descriptions about what happened with various creatures throughout time is interesting.
2. The rhythmic nature of your writing makes the poem easy to read silently or out loud.
3. The personification you used is fascinating.
4. I think the way you asked questions is very effective.
5. I really liked the last two phrases.
6. My only suggestion is to keep writing poetry and telling tales. This one is intriguing. You have a special gift.
Your poem really challenged me and it was a good challenge. Thank you. All of us need to ask ourselves the question you asked.
I liked the rhythm of your writing, the images and the way that certain images were brought to my mind. My concept of death is heaven and life and peace and joy. We can have that life and peace by not being selfish or self centered and answering yes to people who need our help here. There is great enjoyment from being living and giving.
I liked this because you used the tools of a good writer to create something positive. The admonition you gave through that one question was given in such a gentle way yet your writing is profound.
Your poem is magical. Your conveyed a special meaning to wishing on a star. I felt love and devotion as I read it.
Here are my observations:
1. You chose the words you used carefully to express your thoughts and feelings.
2. There had a distinct feeling of your appreciation of nature.
My only suggestion is to keep showing your skills and abilities by writing because that is surely one of your gifts.
Your story is unique. I read it a few times to see what impressions I could give you and to give you some suggestions. I honestly could not think of a way to improve an already excellent effort.
I am curious about why the end is like it is. Perhaps that is only part of this outer space scenario . If so I am interested in knowing more.
Your writing ability and talent as a communicator is evident. Good descriptions and the way you presented the characters dialog are some of the reasons why I enjoyed reading "I'm positive" The Title is a perfect part of description of a work of fiction that is really out of this world.
Your story is intriguing. From the first word until the last you kept me curious. It appeared that the description of getting ready for his arrival in various ways might eventually end in a very different way. You surprised me.
These are my suggestions:
1. I think you might have forgotten a word at the beginning of the last paragraph before the word man.
2. Because you are a very gifted writer keep writing and surprising your readers.
I read this fascinating story from the beginning until the end. The plot and characters were fascinating. I think the way you described what was happening and how things looked was also. The descriptions of how individuals felt was intriguing. I think you have a fantastic imagination and are certainly creative. All these things are important in writing good literature.
I do have a few suggestions. Considering that writers can often overlook their own typing mistakes and spelling errors, I hope that you will take advantage of my offer to proof read this and help you correct some I have seen. I will do this without asking for gift points.
I am giving you this rating with the understanding that together we might change some very simple oversights so that what is now a good story will be an even better one.
Your poem was a sad yet hopeful one. I really appreciated the kindness that I saw that you showed to the one who was crying. You were compassionate.
Being kind to our own selves is not something that all of us do well. Being able to is an important part of healing from sadness. Your words expressed hope in the midst of pain.
You skillfully expressed some very deep thoughts and feelings. All of your reactions are not easily understood and in poetry it is not necessary to see the complete picture right away. You have left me wondering and I could read this again and see something I never saw before.
This is like a many faceted gem. It is beautifully written and I believe that many people can identify with what you have written here. My only advice is keep writing.
Your poem is fantastic. You provided a wonderful description of the contentment and peace that can come from a happy home. Your words expressed serenity and feelings of security.
I really enjoyed reading this and these are the reasons why:
1.When I read it I felt like I was observing a very peaceful place because of the words you used.
2. I like the rhyme and rhythm.
3. I got the impression that the writer of this poem sincerely loves and enjoys the company of those who share their home.
Your poem left me with good feelings. Your creativity is a unique gift that you have used to write a beautiful poem. I believe that with that creativity and your skills as a word smith you have painted a literary masterpiece.
I have read this at least four times before I decided to review it. I wanted to make sure that I gave you a helpful review despite the ending. Remember as you read this that sometimes I try to be a sit down comedian and as of yet have not left my day job. As a feline, I hope my crazy sense of humor as well as my curiosity is not fatal.
Honestly though, I like your poem. It is funny and fun to read. It is creative and well written. I only have one suggestion. Perhaps it is because I see that you have used rhyme pretty much all the time that when the sister verse comes in I want to arrest you for not only defaming that sister but for misuse of your poetic license. What you did as I see it is stick that little phrase in for humor yet it stands out and not in a good way. Sinister is a difficult word to rhyme. The word minister would work.
Other than that one suggestion, I advise getting someone more skilled than I am to look at how you used punctuation.
You are a good writer in my opinion. You may choose to totally ignore my opinions and that is quite alright. You are the one who used your imagination to put this together and know how you want it to be. If you want me to look at any changes you make I will be happy to do so without charging gift points since I am attempting to be a better reviewer and need lots of practice. Keep on being creative.
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