This is a really beautiful poem, well done. I can't see any grammatical issues so well done on proof reading etc. You engage with the reader throughout using 'us' and 'we' making a connection with the reader and making them feel empathy. It was a very lovely and emotional piece which you should definitely be very proud of. Well done, loved it.
this is a really interesting poem, it really made me think deeper into people's lives and that there really should be a deeper meaning to everything you do, just working towards money is shallow while working to make a difference is something that gives a meaning to your actions. I loved this poem, you are very talented indeed.
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