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When The Memories Call

For all grieving parents and anyone else who has lost a loved one.

The Hunt

The V V Inn Series; Book 2. Vampires hunt another of their kind at a remote Alaskan resort

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Quorilax: Ebb Tide & Low Tide

"Strength and power are not one and the same."

CAMINO De Santiago Spain

A pilgrimage in Spain where our Daughter, Atty. Cathy is going to join now.

The Whistling God

A different approach perhaps.

Surviving Daniel's 70th Week

This is a poetic rendering of my novel, "The Disappearance of a Pied Piper."

READ A NEWBIE

Exams and Anxiety

Guess who I am? A student. Guess what I have? Exams. This is a poem.

Run

Auria finds herself figuring out her new powers while escaping from danger.

~Sojourn.

Embracing trials as catalysts for soul growth, inner transformation, and eternal freedom.

PRESS PAUSE, THEN PLAY

something about the monotonous life and never ending to do lists

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

The Whistling God

A different approach perhaps.

The Song of the Trees

The full moon has risen, and it's time for the mysterious allies to show themselves again.

Life With A Werewolf

Adventures In Living With The Mythical

Blogocentric Formulations

My primary Writing.com blog.

Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wohaver/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3

Liam

Review Requests: OFF

360 Public Reviews Given

373 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I like to emphasize the positive attributes of your work, but I will offer suggestions for improvement if I'm able.

I'm good at...

Recognizing poetic devices and fiuguratve expression.

Favorite Genres

I'm open to all genres but am particulary fond of social or cultural complaints.

Favorite Item Types

I prefer structured forms of poetry to free verse but review either.

I will not review...

I only review single poetic works - not collections.

Public Reviews

Previous ... 1 2 -3- 4 5 ... Next

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3551440

Review of A Mellow Beat

Review by Liam

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

*Newbie to Newbie review.*

Hi E.J. Apostrophe ,

I just finished reading your poem,"A Mellow Beat"
I really enjoy how a poet expresses the ordinary so extraordinarily. That's why I enjoyed reading your poem, and I have the following comments to offer:

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Overall Impression:
Choosing to write this as a quatern really supports the content as it progresses through this moment in time. The flow is generally smooth, and the imagery - which is both visual and audible - is very good.

Suggestions:
The rhyme in line 4 of stanza 1 appears a little forced, by the way it is worded. Also the rhyme in line 4 of stanza 3 because the reference to "crime" in the content seems out of place.

Line 3 of stanza 4, I think changing "your" to "our" better fits the theme and content.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I saw no errors in this section. Great job.

What I Like:
"We slow dance together one last time" is a beautiful metaphor for a couple's approach to their final rest. It is the strength of the poem's theme carried through each stanza. I also really like that you found an opportunity to include the audible imagery of the "Death's clock clangs softly...", I could hear that thought. This was a great read.

Rating:

Thank you for sharing,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3550684

Review of I thought it was common sense

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi writing_addict .

After reading "I thought it was common sense" I have the following comments to offer:

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Overall Impression:
I like the unique structure, six quintains with a rhyme of a-a-a-a-a. This poem includes a roller coaster of emotions from surprise to disdain. Overall, very well writte, but has some rough spots in flow.

Suggestions:
The meter in stanza one ranges from one foot to six feet. That is a challenge for flow. Line 2 of stanza 4 sounds like the rhyme is forced when I read it.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Only one, in stanza 4 "names" should be "name's". (Probably has a few too many commas.)

What I Like:
I like the courage emoted in the poem, by the matter-of-fact attitude displayed by its hero.

Rating:

Write on,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3550244

Review of The Light Inside the Dark

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi codychos,

After reading "The Light Inside the Dark" I have the following comments to offer:

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Overall Impression:
The theme of dichotomy is a very powerfuld one. This poem is specifically a list of many of them. The poem's structure is five quatrains.

Suggestions:
To increase the power of emotion within this poem, pick five of the dichotomies - one per stanza - and tell more about it. Iclude some sensory desriptions related to it. "The" was used 32 times, that's a lot for 5 quatrains.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Punctuation appears intentionally absent.

What I Like:
My favorite line is "When you're calm despite the panic"

Rating:

Write on,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3549637

Review of A Palace called "My Imagination"

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi allymonsta .

After reading "A Palace called "My Imagination"" I have the following comments to offer:

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Overall Impression:
In a review of this poem it very important to consider the target reader, that is children. I think this is written very well. There is a strong adherence to trimeter that enhances the flow - even without a rhyme scheme. The couplet structure of "imagination" followed by "reality" adds a flavor of predictable understanding to the conteny.

Suggestions:
The one suggestion I would make is the constant repetition of "Although" was a bit of a distraction, at least for me. It seems to detract from the freshness of the content.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Punctuation appears intentionally nonexistent. My preference for younger reeaders is to include proper punctuation.

What I Like:
The thing that I liked best was the visual imagery, primarily in the "imagination" lines. My favorite here would be "She dances with her prince"

Rating:

Write on,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3548128

Review of A Peek Within

Review by Liam

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi Angellus of PDG ,

This is a review from "Invalid Item" !
After reading "A Peek Within" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
I enjoyed reading this. Written in 8 rhyming couplets of iambic tetrameter, this is a witty self-visualization from the poet to the reader. The flow is very good. Very well done.

Suggestions:
Just one. Line 14 the word "frightening", I would contract it to 2 syllables as "fright'ning".

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
No errors here.

What I Like:
My favorite metaphor, by far, is "Tread within the halls of my mind,". A very daring invitation - great line.

Rating:

Thank you for sharing,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3544687

Review of SAME OLD, SAME OLD

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi Itchy Water~fictionandverse . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "SAME OLD, SAME OLD" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It reminded me of days I spent supporting customers at trade show. I really connected with it.

Suggestions:
I have no value to add here.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
No errors noted

What I Like:
I really loved the positive optimism of "Start a new day A new chance A new way"

Rating:

A Great Read,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3541723

Review of What is a Lie?

Review by Liam

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi summer . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "What is a Lie?" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
Well I like this one. I'm not usually supportive of alot of repetition but it seems to work well here. I suspect that has to do with the rhyme scheme of a-b-b-a. This poem contains some really good metaphors and nice imagery. While the meter varies, the flow is quite good.

Suggestions:
For me, in the last stanza after "The reason love will die" I would have preferred "That is a lie" as opposed to restating the question.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
No error seen.

What I Like:
I really liked the imagery of "Angry bees stinging inside" and "A demon called guilt tring to hide."

Rating:

Very nice. Write on,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3541716

Review of The Dancers

Review by Liam

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi MissMash . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "The Dancers" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
I really enjoyed reading this. it is very fresh and the meter supports well the content of the dancers.

Suggestions:
While the flow is very good throughout the poem, the final half of the last line is about 3 syllables long and should be shortened.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Needs a few periods and probably a question mark in stanza 5 line 1.

What I Like:
I love the humor emoted in stanza 3. "Despite the aching muscles, they’re trying to stand tall They have to be so careful, they do not want to fall"

Rating:

Write On!
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3540591

Review of View from an attic

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi Holden Caulfield . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "View from an attic" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
The foundational strength of this poem is based in imagery, primarily visual. The meter is logaoedic with an a-a-b-b rhyme scheme, and the flow is generally smooth.

Suggestions:
I had some challenges with stanza three. The first was because light streaming into the attic, pierces the attic not the sky. The second was the 1st person and 2nd person mismatch (our/your). This combination left me feeling the rhyme was a bit forced.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Punctuation and capitalization should be revisited. (some inconsistency)

What I Like:
The highlight for me is the entire fifth stanza. I found it perfectly emoted my recollections of time spent in the attic.

Rating:

Write on!
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3540244

Review of The Light

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi loelhenleysr. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "The Light" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
This poem has good flow and strong adherence to a-b-a-b rhyme scheme. I struggled some to try and understand the emotive difference implied by the shift from "I am a light" to "I am the light" though I presume it has significance.

Suggestions:
The "b rhyme" in stanza 3 appears forced because resiliency is not really a property associated to wind.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
No error seen.

What I Like:
I am most intrigued by "That glows with unseen brilliance". For me it's akin to the sound in the woods that nobody hears.

Rating:

Write on!
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3540187

Review of teaser for short story "Reapers"

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi SK Thomas . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "teaser for short story "Reapers"" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
I am not very experienced at reviewing stories, so I am not certain how fluid a "teaser" is supposed to be. I story idea is intriguing,but I was a little confused about some things. I wasn't certain to whom Apollyon is talking, untik the end of the story (I presume it the dead guy). Did he deliver his mother? Who put the coins on the dead guys eyes? Can anybody elese see this boatman? If the dead guy is leaving his body, why does his eyes pop open? and, How is he going to get this Cadillac across the river?

If a "teaser" is like a "movie trailer" then these are probably invalid questions - hence my inexperience - just disregard them.

I really enjoyed reading the concept.

Suggestions:
I'd like to see more scene and character descriptions - but that's just a personal preference.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I didn't notice any errors.

What I Like:
I like the idea of the mortality of the boatman and his need to modernize his process as civilization advances.

Rating:

Write on!
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3539766

Review of Poisoned Words

Review by Liam

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi Captain Carousel . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "Poisoned Words" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
I recognize this to be a complaint poem, and it is in truth a serious topic. That said, you have mastered your satirical voice here because I chuckle on numerous occasions throughout the entirety. A great read.

Suggestions:
None really needed.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
No errors seen.

What I Like:
A tough choice - but i really loved "For fools are being asked to bow and there is clearly something wrong."

Rating:

Thank you for sharing this one.
Write On,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3539682

Review of The Bridge Home

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi Tina B . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "The Bridge Home" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
So much passion embodied in jst three stanzas. The climb, the climax, and the denouement are segmented effectively, and great use of imagery throughout.

Suggestions:
The only thing I would suggest is that the overuse of exclamation in in line five belittles the climax. Just one would maxinise the power. perhaps something like "At last... the peak... an avian delight!"

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
No errors found.

What I Like:
Clearly my favorite line is "Her eyes dancing with the sea." Great and unique imagery.

Rating:

Write On,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3538573

Review of Seasons of Memory

Review by Liam

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi Kitty Can Write . This is a review from "Invalid Item" ! After reading "Seasons of Memory" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
This is a beautiful sonnet that emotes our eternal inner youthfulness. The powerful imagery supports the theme very well.

Suggestions:
While this is primarily iambic pentameter, a few lines (4,5,11,13) where the feet changed (unstressed/stressed) caused a brief stumble in flow on the initial read. After a couple reads the flow is fine.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
No errors seen.

What I Like:
My favorite part was "Sun-kissed tendrils of youthful silken hair dance waltzes through the cloudless, azure sky."

Rating:

Image #1785639 over display limit. -?-

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3537771

Review of Truth

Review by Liam

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi Tilly Boscott . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "Truth" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
I love what is here. The iambic heptameter makes the flow roll off my tongue. But it just began and it was done. I needed more to support my emotion.

Suggestions:
Generally smooth - but the first half of line three "Your right' his voice was icy," is a feminine end and could use anoter stress before "I never wanted you." Example: "You're right,' his voice was icy cold, 'I never wanted you."

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Comma after "You're right," in line 3.

What I Like:
I liked the imagery of line 2 "He smirked and turned away and then he lit a cigarette." I could really see that.

Rating:

Image #1780712 over display limit. -?-

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3536731

Review of Comment-In-A-Box

Review by Liam

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello StoryMistress,

Thank you for this document. It is a lucid well thought out approach to reviewing, and provides a framework that enables consistency in the process. I will undoubtedly be studying this in greater depth for using it.

The only suggestion, at least for my ease of use, is that I would rather see it grouped by type rather than by rating value. This is because that is how I would apply its use.

I wouldn't expect that you would restructure it for me, but I would like your permission to restructure it for mysel - So, if I'm reviewing poetry the various ratings are grouped, as well as for each of the other types.

Anyway, it is great information - so thank you again.

Have a great day,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3535286

Review of Power Event Activity Bank

Review by Liam

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I think this is a really GREAT IDEA!!!

Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3532328

Review of Easy As you Go

Review by Liam

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi MissAlissa . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "Easy As you Go" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
This is a kind of "Don't Worry - Be Happy" message.

Suggestions:
The rhyme scheme is great. The rhythm (meter) varies and at times impairs the flow of the read. Also, and this may just be me, I didn't understand "dead smile curled" ao I lost some of the value of the content.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Line 3 "days" is singular posseive "day's". Also, there are now periods to help separate ideas in the content.

What I Like:
I really LOVED the vivid symbolism used throughout the poem. Excellent and spot on!!

Rating:

Image #1780712 over display limit. -?-

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3530050

Review of Big Kids

Review by Liam

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi Mitch Hall . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "Big Kids" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
I enjoyed reading this piece as it compares some of the social trends associated with age. It includes those with a socially realistic viewpoint as well as those who are "young at heart".

Suggestions:
I would also like to see a stanza about the young who wish to be older.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
No errors noticed.

What I Like:
I like the rhyme scheme and I also like the french definition in the 4th stanza.

Rating:

Image #1780712 over display limit. -?-

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3529049

Review of Untitled (suggestions welcome)

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi WriteStuffMom . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "Untitled (suggestions welcome)" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
This is a moving poem that emotes the wonder of youth and the gratefulness of family.

Suggestions:
This is a great poem where you could add some imagery or metaphors.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
No errors found.

What I Like:
I liked "you're the greatest Pop-Pop a kid ever had!"

Rating:

Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3528883

Review of Ode to New Year's

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi iluvhorses . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "Ode to New Year's" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
I thought this was superb. Many acrostic poems, at least to me, appear forced in flow or content to achieve. This poem accomplished so many tasks simultaneously that I can only stand in awe of the poet. GREAT READ !!!

Suggestions:
Write more of these - you excel at them.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
No error found.

What I Like:
I like the fact that not only is the poem acrostic, has good content, and very good flow - the poet decided to add a rhyme scheme as well. I would give this 6-Stars if I could.

Rating:

Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3528880

Review of Father

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi iluvhorses . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "Father" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
This poem is one of encouragement between a daughter and Father as pertains to Deity. It is written broadly enough to incorporate many other relationships as well. A very nice job.

Suggestions:
I would prefer to see this written in 4 quatrains (4 line stanzas) instead of 8 couplets (2 line stanzas) because the primary rhyme scheme a-b-c-b would be better evidence, as well as the climactic shift in rhyme to a-a-b-b in the last stanza.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I think line 4 "find" may be "fine", if not it confuses me.

What I Like:
The part I like best is the shift in voice in the last stanza.

Rating:

Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3528554

Review of "Gasp!"

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi again,

I bet Gwen was happiest when she saw you coming "empty-handed". With such a colorful career field, I bet that you have alot of stories that you can tell.

This was also a very enjoyable read with vivid descriptions. My favorite was "The sunlight dappled through the live oak trees".

Keep sharing,
Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3527899

Review of Indebted

Review by Liam

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

Hi strlcuckoo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! After reading "Indebted" I have the following comments to offer:

Overall Impression:
This pays a deserved homage to parents. I liked it alot.

Suggestions:
Though I read it accurately and appreciated the beauty - still - the last line screamed to be "From the bottom of my heart." A couple of places I lost the flow as the meter shifted.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Line 8 - "parent's" should be plural possessive "parents'"

What I Like:
My favorite lines "A bouncing baby to them was born to become these parent's pride."

Rating:

Liam

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3527627

Review of Nine Years Old

Review by Liam

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Note: Keep in mind that any review I provide is based soley on my opinion and is not intended to take liberty with the author's work. Please use or discard any comments or suggestions as you see fit.

OVERALL IMPRESSION and EMOTIONAL IMPACT
An invocation of sadness and pity.

FORM, FORMAT, RHYME and METER
6 quatrains of a-b-a-b. Structure and format package this poem. Each stanza opens with "Nine years" and all rhymes, except one (final stanza "miss/kiss"), are identical rhymes. An interesting structure. Primarily logaoedic trimeter

ARTISTIC VOICE and IMAGERY
Generally matter-of-fact, though I did like the "tadpole" metaphor.

GRAMMAR, SPELLING and MECHANICS

SUGGESTIONS
Line 9 and Line 18 are too long and impair flow.

Thank you for sharing your poem. WRITE ON!!
Liam

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