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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wkingmom76
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Her  Open in new Window.
Review by Working Mom Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really liked your descriptions, “Eyptian satin with a taste of honey and vanilla” and “The warmth of her breath and the softness of her touch”. Very good.

I loved the reference to Icarus, we all know he strove to reach the sun but never made it. I must admit I had to look up Gioconda, but once I learned it meant Lona Lisa in Italian, I feel it is a great way to describe her smile.


Suggestions- some of your lines sound a little awkward, ex.
“Do not take the peace I so yearn for from me”

I understand it’s hard to make the words flow right. I’m struggling with this on a particular piece I’m working on myself, so I understand sometimes you just have to work with the words you have, rhythm and flow be damned
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Review of Life  Open in new Window.
Review by Working Mom Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
I think the second half of this poem is better than the first half.

The second half has some good descriptions. I like the contrast between the peaceful blue ocean and "raging river waiting to take you under".

I would rework the first four lines, or remove them completely.
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Review of Can You Love Me?  Open in new Window.
Review by Working Mom Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice poem.

I like the metaphor of the walls.
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