I liked your story. What I liked about it is that you used very sharp and focused imagery. I could see it in my minds eyes. The whole scene; like the opening shot in a movie. The writing is clear with little-wasted wordage and is well written. The only thing I noticed that I would consider changing is the line, "It was Marjorie the carer: That word carer I would change to the caretaker, nurse, maid, something else, but other than that I think the story was great.
Your poem certainly reflects a view from the depressed perspective. The feelings and emotions in your poem are pronounced and real. they really come through, and I can feel how you feel, and it creates empathy for you on my part. The imagery is very good, the word choice is active and evocative. To me, the poem comes through as honest and heartfelt. Nice job.
I really like your poem. Details and specific places create evocative imagery. You have good and active word choice. I like the last phrase of your poem. It suggests a zest for and love of life. Nice job.
I like your poem. The imagery is evocative and well done. Good and active word choice. I can see it all in my mind's eye and I like it. You've done a good job with this, and you should be proud of yourself. Keep on writing. :)
Writing a poem that rhymes can be daunting when trying to address a certain area, but you've done pretty good with this one. I really like your first couplet, especially the word choice of "tizzy" and "dizzy." The last couplet is good too. To me this line, "Pull up a chair and I'll turn that frown around" needs work. It doesn't feel right to me. It's like it doesn't fit. Don't be discouraged by what I've said because as you well know not everyone sees things the same way. If you get more than a few comments about the same thing then give it some thought. :) I like your effort and your willingness to put yourself out there for others to read. It's not easy to open yourself to criticism, and you should be commended for it. Be encouraged, and keep at it. :)
Hi :) I liked this story for it's imagination and creativity, and overall writing style. You have very good imagery, and great word choice, and I especially like the movement in the story. Your writing is active not passive, and the flow of your story is smooth and easy to read. Great stuff. :) The only question I really had was who is/was Dirk? I couldn't really get a picture of him, and I would have liked more characterization of him. Dialogue, setting, character tags are well done. Your story is very well written, very nice sentence structure and variety, and punctuation is appropriate. You are a good writer, and I was entertained by your story. Keep up the good work. :)
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