Billy is away--sick's (windstormy) Reviews

Billy is away--sick

Review Requests: OFF

75 Public Reviews Given

112 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2930805

Review of mistletoe berries ~ yuletide senryu

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem for "Invalid Item"

. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"mistletoe berries ~ yuletide senryu"

is a three line senryu about the tears of Frigga.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

A lovely piece that, in three short lines, describes the love of one for another.

ERRORS:

None.

FAVORITE PART:

If I had to choose my fave here, I'd have to copy the entire poem.

SUGGESTIONS:

None.

-Write on!

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2

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14 days may be credited.

#2930795

Review of As a Tin Whistle Played

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem for "Invalid Item"

. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"As a Tin Whistle Played"

is a dark poem that illustrates something of a riddle. What I received from the piece was a young tormented woman either fell to her death or plunged herself over the cliff.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed the mystery of this piece. I've read it twice and still feel the need to read it again.

It's left me with questions, hence the mystery.

ERRORS:

I found none.

FAVORITE PART:

As a tin whistle played harmony,
Angels listened to life’s melody.

Being fascinated with angelic beings, this had to be my favorite part.

SUGGESTIONS:

None.

-Write on!

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3

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14 days may be credited.

#2930789

Review of Wordless Whispers ~

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem for "Invalid Item"

. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"Wordless Whispers ~"

is a double acrostic poem that easily meets the standards.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

This poem is a wonderful piece. I enjoyed the read very much. It also expanded my vocabulary by three words.

ERRORS:

I found none.

FAVORITE PART:

Others having paved the way, all leaving their marks on the path;

Even though the entire poem was a pleasure to read, and it was difficult to choose a specific line as my fave, I think this line says it all. We all like to leave our mark on life.

SUGGESTIONS:

None.

-Write on!

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4

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14 days may be credited.

#2930098

Review of Sassy

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your story. I liked your story and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"Sassy"

is a nice story about a little girl that is adopted by her foster parents. It's an enjoyable read.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

I think this story could use just a little tweaking and tuning...not much...just a few structure changes and this would be a perfect story!

ERRORS:

If only she had family members who could have helped her and been supportive of her,

"of her" is not necessary to add in this sentence, since the reader already understands who you're writing about.

FAVORITE PART:

Years later, when Sassy was a teenager, she commented one day that "5" was her favorite number, and that it had always been her favorite number.

I think this part is awesome, because she had chosen at an early age that "five" was her favorite number--but couldn't remember why!

SUGGESTIONS:

Long paragraphs are hard on the eyes, especially when reading from a computer screen. I suggest splitting up your paragraphs to make it easier to read. Generally, when beginning a new thought, a new paragraph is warranted. Such as the following:

Jeni was a loving wife to Buddy, and the happy mother of a lovely adopted daughter. They called her Sassy. She had to write "Cassandra" on her school papers, but everyone who knew her thought "Sassy" suited her to a tee. She was sassy, smart and adorable. Of course Jeni and Buddy felt that way. After all, they had loved her from the moment they laid eyes on her.

Everyone thought she was beautiful, though. Even strangers would comment on her beauty.

Sassy had been through a lot. Before she was placed in foster care, she had been exposed to a lot of violence, which had left its mark on her.

She had also been scarred by the unfortunate need to have been in three other foster homes before coming to live with Jeni and Buddy. This, too, left its mark on Sassy.

And that is just an example for you.

-Write on!

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5

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14 days may be credited.

#2930047

Review of Earning It All

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your story. I liked your story and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"Earning It All"

is a wonderful suspenseful story of how a young woman gets a loan for her salon.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

There are a couple twists to the story and a surprising end. I really enjoyed how this story turned out. I think the author did an awesome job with this piece!

ERRORS:

I found no errors.

FAVORITE PART:

Janice tapped her finger to her lips and studied the rest of the salon. Yes, everything was in its place and she had truly earned it all.

In my belief, Janice deserved the loan and her salon, especially after what she went through.

SUGGESTIONS:

None.

-Write on!

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6

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14 days may be credited.

#2922384

Review of Love You To Death

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your story. I liked your story and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"Love You To Death"

is a gut-wrenching story about a man that struggles with himself and decides he doesn't want to be like his father. It's a powerful story that is a MUST READ!!

ERRORS:

I found none.

FAVORITE PART:

Silently, I handed her the gun. Her eyes flew wide in shock.

" I need you, Mom" My body shook." Help me not to be like him."

This is my favorite part because of the implication.

SUGGESTIONS:

None.

-Write on!

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7

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14 days may be credited.

#2922362

Review of Do You Still ?

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: ASR | N/A (Unratable.)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"Do You Still ?"

is a thought-provoking poem that asks several pertinent questions. I believe every reader would benefit from this piece.

ERRORS:

I found none.

FAVORITE PART:

Could you stand within the circle
with spirit bright and clear?
Or have you forgotten the truths
that you once learned here?

I think this is my fave of this piece, being it addresses the question we all must reflect upon.

SUGGESTIONS:

None. This piece is a nice read, and I'm thankful to have the opportunity to review it.

-Write on!

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8

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#2922349

Review of LightWorker

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: ASR | N/A (Unratable.)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your story. I liked your story and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"LightWorker"

appears to be about those that shine from within. For the most part the rhythm is smooth and the poem, again, is lyrical.

ERRORS:

I found none.

FAVORITE PART:

Your tired and weary, your not at your best,
Most of you sometimes just wish you could rest,
Still the rallying cry has gone out round the world,
My beloved Lightworker, we're counting on you.

I liked this part because I can relate to it easily.

I think it's my savior of the world syndrome.

SUGGESTIONS:

Only one suggestion with this piece. This part: Still the rallying cry has gone out round the world, seemed a tiny bit rough with the rhythm. I think this line would do well without the word, rallying.

This is a very nice read, and I thank the author for the opportunity to review it.

-Write on!

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9

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14 days may be credited.

#2922319

Review of Dance, Lady, Dance

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: ASR | N/A (Unratable.)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"Dance, Lady, Dance"

is a poem that tells a story about a lady that dances in a forest at night with The Lord of the Dance. It's a nearly lyrical poem that heralds the dance in sweetly written tones.

ERRORS:

I found none.

FAVORITE PART:

Dance, Lady, Dance,
On the bright moonbeams,
As we twirl through time,
With your Lord and Thee.

SUGGESTIONS:

I have only one real suggestion as far as your use of old English is concerned. As I read this particular part: "Priestess will thou dance with me ?" I thought this piece of dialogue would be brilliant with one small change. Such as:

"Priestess, wilt thou dance with me?"

Of course, this is only my opinion, alone. The poem is wonderful with, or without, my suggestion. Thank you so much for the opportunity to review your piece.

-Write on!

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10

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14 days may be credited.

#2910291

Review of ENCHANTRESS

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

Ooh! I like "ENCHANTRESS"

!!!

I enjoyed this read, which took me to an alternate place--something much like a dream-filled space!

PLOT THOUGHTS:

This is an enjoyable read. Light, gentle, wistful. It made me wish to meet this "enchantress".

ERRORS:

None.

FAVORITE PART:

Let her into your life and she’ll alleviate your pain.

She's welcome here any time.

SUGGESTIONS:

None! Truly an enjoyable read.

-Write on!

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11

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14 days may be credited.

#2910282

Review of NOTHING TO FEAR

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"NOTHING TO FEAR"

is a free-style poem that shares the truth with the reader. It kindly beckons to all who reads to believe.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

In kindness, truth is given.

ERRORS:

None

FAVORITE PART:

Here, no more tears are shed and no pain felt

I can hardly wait!! The time is so close, one can almost hear the call and see the clouds rolling back!

SUGGESTIONS:

None.

-Write on!

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12

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14 days may be credited.

#2910269

Review of HE WATCHES

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"HE WATCHES"

is a free-style poem about God's love and forgiveness.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

Hmm...I didn't really see a plot, thought the writer builds upon her thoughts that renders a peaceful view of God, our Father and His love for His children.

ERRORS:

I didn't find any.

FAVORITE PART:

Empty is the soul without his presence

This is more true than all the psychology books in the world can explain!

SUGGESTIONS:

None. I truly enjoyed this piece.

-Write on!

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13

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14 days may be credited.

#2910247

Review of Finding my rainbow

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

"Finding my rainbow"

is a tributary poem that sheds a bit of light on discovery.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

I think one has to have been there to truly understand the meaning of this poem.

ERRORS:

I still want so much more then than I can have

FAVORITE PART:

In a dark and dirty world
With so few standing in the light,
I wonder what will become of my rainbow at night.

One in your friend's situation will always wonder.

SUGGESTIONS:

None. I love it!

-Write on!

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14

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14 days may be credited.

#2910103

Review of More Than Okay

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

This is a sweet poem that gives the reader a peek into the relationship between a mother and child.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

There is a gradual build in this poem that leads the reader by the hand.

ERRORS:

I found none.

FAVORITE PART:

You laugh
I remember
I savor your childhood
I laugh
You get tickled
Your eyes light up
I weep for joy
Thankful for you
It is more than okay

I loved this part. It's always a wonderful feeling to hear a child laugh.

SUGGESTIONS:

None

-Write on!

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15

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#2899690

Review of Darkness Falls

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your story/poem. I liked your story/poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

This is a suspense thriller, if I've ever read one! I enjoyed the read, very much.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

I think the way the author went about telling the story was quite good. It drew me in, beginning with a personal touch, of dealing with students on a campus, and active dialogue.

ERRORS:

I was hoping to catch someone I knew there with a bunch of friend(s)? so I could grab a drink and unwind a little before heading home.

What if the woman was telling them about them about me at that very moment?

“No problem.”
“You look like you saw a ghost.”

If I'm not mistaken, the above quotes were spoken by the same person, and should reflect that, like so: “No problem. You look like you saw a ghost.”

FAVORITE PART:

Actually, I have two:

The streets seem darker, even in the bright summer sunlight. Old men don’t seem as sympathetic, helpful men seem like they all have bad intentions, even children look more malicious somehow

I find this to be so true, in my own view of life, that is.

Oh God. It dawned on me at that moment – all these months, all the precautions, the paranoia… A laugh gurgled out of me. Shari and Katie sent me odd looks.

“Are you OK?”

I nodded. “Yes. I’m fine.” Better than I had ever been!

This made me laugh and lightened the read very well!

SUGGESTIONS:

I think the story would be more presentable if a space was added between each paragraph and each quotation. For example:

I was late again. I got stuck in my office – if you can call it that – after class. I was only planning on picking some stuff up for the following day, but I had a little forced change of plans. I stepped in the hallway too quickly to avoid the five students camped in front of my office. They needed to talk to me about some lesson or other. Being head TA, it happened way too often – I really needed to have a raise or something, because this was becoming too much.

“Can’t you guys come tomorrow? I have had a really long day and no supper,” I begged. “I am so tired anyhow that I highly doubt I will be able to answer your questions satisfactorily.”

The students were ruthless – they didn’t buy a single word.

“We really need to talk to you – we want to be ready for the lab tomorrow.”

“You can come tomorrow morning.”

“We have class.”

“Before class.”

“We start at eight.”

“After class.”

“We don’t have enough time – we have to go halfway across campus to our next class.”

“You should have come earlier.”

“We tried to – but something always came up.”

I sighed. “Next time, I will not see you if you come this late. You have ten minutes.”

That was an hour and a half ago. Ruthless, I tell you.

Also, you change from past, to present, back to past tense. I used to do that also.

But I learned through the help of fellow authors.

I think it would also help if you went through this and removed as many "had" words as possible without changing the meaning of the sentence or the story.

-Write on!

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16

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14 days may be credited.

#2899686

Review of Darkness Falls

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your story/poem. I liked your story/poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

This is a suspense thriller, if I've ever read one! I enjoyed the read, very much.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

I think the way the author went about telling the story was quite good. It drew me in, beginning with a personal touch, of dealing with students on a campus, and active dialogue.

ERRORS:

I was hoping to catch someone I knew there with a bunch of friend(s)? so I could grab a drink and unwind a little before heading home.

What if the woman was telling them about them about me at that very moment?

“No problem.”
“You look like you saw a ghost.”

If I'm not mistaken, the above quotes were spoken by the same person, and should reflect that, like so: “No problem. You look like you saw a ghost.”

FAVORITE PART:

Actually, I have two:

The streets seem darker, even in the bright summer sunlight. Old men don’t seem as sympathetic, helpful men seem like they all have bad intentions, even children look more malicious somehow

I find this to be so true, in my own view of life, that is.

Oh God. It dawned on me at that moment – all these months, all the precautions, the paranoia… A laugh gurgled out of me. Shari and Katie sent me odd looks.

“Are you OK?”

I nodded. “Yes. I’m fine.” Better than I had ever been!

This made me laugh and lightened the read very well!

SUGGESTIONS:

I think the story would be more presentable if a space was added between each paragraph and each quotation. For example:

I was late again. I got stuck in my office – if you can call it that – after class. I was only planning on picking some stuff up for the following day, but I had a little forced change of plans. I stepped in the hallway too quickly to avoid the five students camped in front of my office. They needed to talk to me about some lesson or other. Being head TA, it happened way too often – I really needed to have a raise or something, because this was becoming too much.

“Can’t you guys come tomorrow? I have had a really long day and no supper,” I begged. “I am so tired anyhow that I highly doubt I will be able to answer your questions satisfactorily.”

The students were ruthless – they didn’t buy a single word.

“We really need to talk to you – we want to be ready for the lab tomorrow.”

“You can come tomorrow morning.”

“We have class.”

“Before class.”

“We start at eight.”

“After class.”

“We don’t have enough time – we have to go halfway across campus to our next class.”

“You should have come earlier.”

“We tried to – but something always came up.”

I sighed. “Next time, I will not see you if you come this late. You have ten minutes.”

That was an hour and a half ago. Ruthless, I tell you.

Also, you change from past, to present, back to past tense. I used to do that also.

But I learned through the help of fellow authors.

-Write on!

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17

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14 days may be credited.

#2866665

Review of Encounters with the Dying

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your story for Images In Ink. I liked your story and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

I have to take a moment to clear my eyes. That was heart wrenching, yet, in a way, very sweet.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

I love the way you told this story and built upon it, layer by layer. It left me not only in tears, but quietly wishing there was more to read about Ken and your relationship with him as his caregiver.

ERRORS:

I didn't find any errors.

FAVORITE PART:

One afternoon upon seeing Ken at the beginning of my shift, I was startled to see how well he looked compared to previous days. His whole countenance was brighter, and his frequent coughing had given him a welcomed respite. I was so happy for him I couldn't resist giving him a big hug. How strange it thus seemed when his nurse and I received our daily "report" and were told he was losing ground fast.

It did my heart good to read that on his final day he was offered a reprieve from the problems he had faced for so long.

SUGGESTIONS:

None. I truly enjoyed this story.

-Write on!

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18

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#2866660

Review of The Christmas Box

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Your Port has been raided by an Images In Ink Member! This is NOT a drill!

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your story for Images In Ink. I liked your story and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

Awwwww!! That was just sweet! I'm reaching for the Kleenex, recalling a few letters I had written to Santa. I still love Christmas, in a childlike way. It's so exciting and all the colored lights and beautifully decorated trees just does something to me.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

I think the way you brought this little story out was awesome!

ERRORS:

I didn't find any errors.

FAVORITE PART:

Then I paused to read some of the letters to Santa. Strange! Not one was asking him for toys or games. Instead, every one was thanking him for coming to visit them – in the orphanage – that special weekend before Christmas. His hearty laugh and tender hugs had meant more to each child than any mere gift could impart.

That really pulled at my heart strings.

SUGGESTIONS:

None. It was perfect.

-Write on!

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19

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#2866293

Review of What makes someone a hero?

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your story. I liked your story and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

This was a wonderful little recount of history in your life. I thoroughly enjoy it and wish you could have spent more time with your hero.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

I thought the story flowed very well.

ERRORS:

I didn't find any errors.

FAVORITE PART:

Coming toward me out of the darkness was a tall, male figure. With that familiar limp, Richard came out of the shadows into the dim light cast by the street lamp in front of the library.

I like the way you wrote this. It draws the reader in, even though we all know it's Richard. You never know, some authors will throw things in, just to give the story a new twist. LOL But I think this was the best part, for me.

SUGGESTIONS:

None.

-Write on!

20

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#2863534

Review of A Living Will

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your editorial for Images In Ink. I liked your editorial and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

Yikes! LOL And I say that because this is such a controversial subject. Of course, I will not debate my opinion of your views on the Living Will, but rate the outstanding document you wrote about it, instead.

THOUGHTS:

I believe you executed a very well thought out piece that bespoke your research on the subject.

ERRORS:

I didn't find any.

FAVORITE PART:

I thought the last paragraph read almost like a commercial. It was well worded and thought out.

SUGGESTIONS:

None.

-Write on!

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21

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#2863502

Review of Untitled Part One

Review by Billy is away--sick

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Your Port has been raided by an Images In Ink Member! This is NOT a drill!

Hi, it's Billy, The WindStormy, reviewing your poem for Images In Ink. I liked your poem and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

HaHa! Guess what?! You're it! LOL

First, I don't understand why no one has reviewed this piece. And when they did, why they didn't understand it. *Shrugs* It's quite simple, really. Maybe by my own translation, it is. Let me see...

Miracle misused ~
~ a childhood abused.

This is self-explanatory. The child being the miracle mentioned in the first line. The second line actually answers the question of the first.

Too many ways
through this misshapen maze.

There are many ways of abuse and as many abusers to use them. Abuse is a web of avenues that one can become lost in. Of course, for the writer, it could and probably means more, such as the many ways the author was possibly abused, or has seen abuse work its darkness.

Miserable moment
deserving atonement.

I think this is self-explanatory, too. In abuse, a moment that is endured is more than miserable and deserves to be atoned Abusers should have to pay for what they do.

Really, this poem isn't hard to understand at all. It just has to be read.

PLOT THOUGHTS:

I believe the author has exacted a very deep rendering of a part of herself. She's painted a picture of something so dark, so deep, that readers are afraid to look and actually see the meaning. There are layers of meaning here. Don't look, if you're afraid!

ERRORS:

I saw no errors

FAVORITE PART:

Thoughts become tangled ~
~ mentally mangled.

My thoughts are a constant mangle of past tangles.

SUGGESTIONS:

My only suggestion is to the readers, not the author. I suggest you read this from the heart. See yourself as an abused child and you might be able to comprehend the reading. It might sink in...maybe a little. But don't be afraid, you'll feel it, for certain.

-Write on!

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