This is an exceptional story and very captivating. I enjoyed reading it. I would have enjoyed it more without the grammatical errors. If you polish it up and you'll have a great story. I hope I have done this the proper way. This is my first full length review.
Lady Willow Hawk
“Is it really” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
“Yes of course it is. The first time I've seen it, the paint was still fresh, I could
even smell the artist's sweat hanging in the air” Mark replied, with a bit of
arrogance in his tone. ( No punctuations before quotations. )
“I don't know, I've seen it at least a dozen times, and to tell you the truth it is
not that great, I mean, I've seen better murals before” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
“You just don't understand it. We should go and see it together, perhaps I
can explain” Mark looked at Anna, as he got lost in the pure, innocent green
of her eyes. ( No punctuation before quotations. )
“Explain what? Come on, now you are trying to tell me you can explain art to
someone. This is our last year of college Mark, I think that by now the
concept of art should be very clear to both of us” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
“I guess so. Mark listen, I've got to go home, my sister is expecting me, we
sort of have to finish something. Thanks for the coffee, it's been a really
constructive conversation” bold,Shebold, said as she reached for the purse her
mother gave her . ( No punctuation before quotations, lower case s for she and no space before period. )
I'll see you tomorrow at class” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
“I can walk you home, if you don't mind” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
Anna thought that for a second she saw a strange radiance in bold,mark'sbold, face,
perhaps he was finally going to express his feelings for her. ( Capitalization for Mark. )
“Sure, why not” bold,Shebold, replied with a smile. ( No punctuation before quotaions and lower case s for she. )
The sun finally went down in the city of bold,ituzaingóbold,, as they reached the train station. Capitalization for place, Ituzaingo.
The tiny structure was in bold,abold, bad condition, the walls were covered
with political graffiti and unknown rock band's posters. ( Take out the word "a" for better sentence flow. )
Argentina was in one of the worst phases in bold,itsbold, history. Decadence was
crawling in every corner of society, what once was a nation of cultural
significance, now saw its previous grandeur reduced to a mere nest of
delinquency and poverty. ( The two words its show possession and needs apostophes.)
“Let's go around the station, the tunnel gives me the creeps” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
“Don't be scared Anna, come on, there's two of us. Besides it's to early for
the thieves to come out, you know, at this time of the day they must be
drunk under cardboard or something” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
“I don't know” bold,Shebold, replied with a faint grin. ( No punctuation before quotations and lower case s for she. )
“It will be bold,waybold, faster than going around anyway, come on” ( No punctuation before quotations and remove way for better sentence flow. )
“That's my Anna, oh, watch the step, there's a puddle of water there” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
Three of them armed with a .38 caliber and the other with a sawed shotgun. ( The proper wording is sawed off shot gun. )
The biggest one, that seemed to be the
leader of such feebly organized faction spoke, while looking around
unconcerned. ( For better sentence flow you might try, The biggest one said , looking around unconcerned. He seemed to be the
leader of the feebly organized faction. )
“Listen dude, we are just passing by. Here you want money, have it all” Mark
said as his trembling hands reached for the wallet in his pocket. ( No punctuation before quotations. )
Mimicking her sob one of the robbers yelled to his buddies: “Oh the little
bitch is crying” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
His anger condensed in a
fist that landed in the guy's nose, breaking it.
( It should read on the guy's nose, breaking it. )
“You are dead, f***er” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
“That's right girl, that's the position, just like that, ha ha ha! Just like that” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
“f***ing bitch! She burned me!. She burned me!
f***ing bold,shotbold, her!” ( Should read," f***ing shoot her! " )
Anna was standing again, her eyes were greener than ever and her skin
bold,shinedbold, red as melting iron.
ast tense is shone. )
“I am your teacher” ( No punctuation before quotations. )
“You became my daughter the day you ventured for the first time into the
astral plane, when you were still very young; I taught you everything you ( No punctuation or quotations at th end. )
know about it, and now I feel you are starting to remember, are you not? ( No quotations. )
“Yes... but this is... different. How am I supposed to do anything in the
physical world, I... Something changed, whoever you are, please help me kill
them all” ( No punctuation. ) and then she added “bold, theybold, killed Mark! I WANT TO KILL THEM ALL” Capitalization for the word they, and no punctuation before quotations. )
bold, shebold, knew she was crying although no tears left the empty holes of her eyes. ( Capitalization for the word she. )
Go, and finish what you started, your life begins now” the
dark figure said as he dissipated in mid air. ( No punctuation before quotations )
In a
way,they reached a depth of uncharted potential, that she finally tapped. ( A space should be after the first comma. )
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