As a mythological tale, and as a story of people from two different tribes, I expected the woman to be a member of the snake people, and to save her lover by negotiation or trickery rather than by killing the snake, especially since both were of pale skin and the snake was able to appear to her as a kinsman.
While it reads as a myth, I don't get the deeper meaning. It's hard to know the cultural mores from such a short piece, but giving a glimpse into the meaning that the people get from it is what sets this kind of story apart from just a story. The kicker seems to be that there was no expression of love (ie, courtship or sex) before the incident, and that detail is tossed in at the end. The man does tell his father that he loves the woman, but he is not shown talking to her, trying to dissuade her from going. If that's a tribal custom, you might want to throw it into the story.
As a feminist reader, I would like to have seen the woman use her own abilities rather than the spirit gifts of the fallen warrior--a personal bias. It is clear that in this tribe, women do hunt, which is somewhat unusual for the tribal customs I have read about. It is certainly reasonable that your tribe has different customs, but this falls under the "give the reader a clue idea" above, which would give the story more emotional resonance. Is Letra different from the other women in the tribe other than for her appearance? What does that tell us about the relationship of this tribe to others? do they see the snake as being one of their relations who is misbehaving? How does the river goddess feel about her river being blocked by a snake?
The details of the children coming to the Tribal Seer for a story seem unnecessary--or too short. Was it an initiation or special event, perhaps on the day of a joining ceremony? You could leave off the whole first paragraph.
Other than these thematic things, the story reads well, simple and straightforward. I just think you could get a lot more depth from the idea.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/whyzz
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 8:26am on Oct 18, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
