This is really well done. There are some really beautiful lines here (I think my favourite is "Her smile no longer flew adrift, Along the edges of his heart")
I would say you'd benefit from focusing on the 'flow' of the poem. Some of these stanzas have a real rhythm to them, the first one especially, but there are other where there are just one or two extra syllables that make it slightly clunky to read.
Overall, a lovely piece. Thank you for sharing it.
P.S. Sucks to hear about the break up. Hope you're doing okay. :)
So glad somebody decided to use this universe for some GTS material! I wanted to but it turns out you can no longer make interactives with a free account:(
Anyway, fantastic idea!! It's also nice to see a handful of decent writers adding to it.
I've had so much fun reading this and adding chapters to it myself and plan on continuing to do so for a long time!;)
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/whysocereal
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 3:17am on Dec 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
