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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/whitejd
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5 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by JerryD Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Well written using a stream of consciousness technique. This writing brought back memories of the first summer I was 'sent away' to camp, although we slept in single beds, not bunk beds, and we lived in tents and not cabins.
The descriptions are good and bring the sounds and sights of a wonderful summer to the mind of the reader. I think that a bit more color in the descriptions would have improved the images that the author is sharing. Some elaboration that I think would have improved the piece would be to include a description of the unknown birds, a description of the woods and trees, a description of the type of cabin, and the bunk beds. These descriptions could include such things as the color, size, and shape of the birds and the sound of their songs and an more detailed view of the woods. Also, the condition of the cabin and bunk beds, were they old, new, or freshly painted, would have added to the images that were only half formed in my mind as I read this piece.
The major issue that I have with the piece is the final sentence. This sentence, concerning friendship development would, I feel, have been more effective if the author had placed the sentence earlier in the piece and then included some discussion or description about a friend from the camp. In my reading the writing is more about the camp and its effect on the authors' religious belief than it is about the friends made at the camp therefor I think that the ending sentence should have placed an emphases on the camp.
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Review by JerryD Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I find your fictional letter home from Andersonville to be very true to the history of the place. Well written and using the grammar of a uneducated but intelligent boy made the story even better. You did not tell me anything but I could see the pain that the men in that place endured during its short existence. You also showed me the hope that men have to have to survive such a place. These places have existed throughout history and still exist today so we must remember them and in some way hope to prevent them. Your fictional letter help us to remember what can happen in the real world. I have read many histories of the Civil War and I rate your short fictional letter among the best.
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