I liked this piece. I had to read it two or three times for it to sink in. When it did, I really enjoyed the sentiment!
The poem is very short, so there is not much to correct, Just lose a few of those comma's, and maybe seperate it into two paragraphs. This is just my opinion, I am in no way an english teacher - or anywhere near it!
Again, I really did enjoy this piece. I totally agree, never give up on your dreams in life! Good jod, and remember - keep on writing!
Let me begin by saying WOW! I absolutely loved this poem. You wrote this with some real feeling, and it shows! Almost anything written with passion and emotion will be very good. I believe you have done an incredible job in conveying your feelings in this poem.
The only changes that I could suggest would be to add some commas - to put some pauses in the read, and make it flow that much better.
Again, you have done a wonderful job. I also enjoyed the dark undertones to this piece. These tones are often reflected in my own work as well.
I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. And remember, keep on writing!!
Hey, great job! I thought this piece was rather well written. You can “feel” what you are talking about, and that makes it an excellent piece.
I think that we all have had a secret crush on someone that we could never be with. Most people will be able to relate to your story. Also, those critical teenage years are soo hard on so many of us. If we wrote down even half of what we were feeling back then, then we could have a book!
Overall, I would say you did an excellent job. I look forward to reading some more of your work. And remember, keep on writing!!
This poem is short, but to the point. Many people lose feeling in thier writing by adding too much. When you write with a lot of emotion, it shows. Your work tends to be better when we write about something we have felt.
Overall, i think this poem was well written. Here is a thought for you - do you think your “knight” will ever come? Or do you think it might be better to meet him halfway?
I truly enjoyed reading this, and look forward to reading some more of your stuff. Good job, and remember - keep on writing!!
I truly enjoyed this story. The description and attention to detail were both excellent. I found myself being drawn into the story, and absolutely loved the last part of this story.
It is soo true how our curiosity gets the better of us. Even when we know we should not go to a certain place - that only makes us want to go more. It is very much like a child that has been told “no”, that child is going to do it anyway! It's funny how things from our chilhood manifest themselves in our adult lives!
Overall, the story was very good. The only thing i would suggest a change about would be the end. What did happen at the end? Did he suffer the same fate as the man before him? This is only my opinion. Many people like stories that end and keep you guessing. I, for one, do not.
Again, i enjoyed the story. I hope you have a few more that i can read. Keep writing, have fun, and never lose your love for the craft!
I think the overall tone and feeling of this poem is great. I felt that the message was quite clear: if we go through all these things, then we should learn from all the experience. If we don't, we are doomed to repeat the past!
This was a very cool idea for something to write about. I think most songs would do a whole lot better with a little background. The story was a compelling one, and almost made me want to believe it was true. Great job!!
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