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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/whatifimcivil
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8 Public Reviews Given
30 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Prince  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this, it gives me a sense of a foreign country. Is there any you had in mind? Is this implying that he likes things that move fast, and touch everything quickly. But also likes to touch the untouched? Its a very interesting way of putting it. please tell me if im getting ths wrong.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought this was a great story!

I wanted to give you some suggestions if you would like to hear them. :)

First, I think you used "the littlest lamb" a bit to much. Find new ways to describe him. Also, try to find other ways to say "said" .Just seemed to make the story a little dry.

Secondly, I really really really dont want to change your story since it is YOURS. But I would like to make a suggestion about the ending. Children stories tend to be about moral boosts and such. Yours gives me the impression that the kid will never be as good as the others and that the only way that he can, is to make up his own reality. I dont think this is the kind of message to give a kid. You should give him a talent nobody else has, or make him work hard to being strong and fast, or what ever he wanted to be.

Please dont take any of this against me, I just want to help. Thanks for listening

Anyway, you could very well be the next great childrens book author!!!

WRITE ON!
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