Long flights, in that I can fully relate. Living in New Zealand we are a long way away from the rest of the world...Like seriously. I don't count Australia they are just New Zelanders with worse accents and dangerous wildlife
Great advice Steven, absolutely following it. As much as I love my babies they need to be read by others, and what I have created bits may not make sense so... beta read to improve the work.
Lots of very good descriptive features present in your work. I enjoyed reading it and the journey you took me through. From a writing perspective I would go through and check for places where comma use would be appropriate, I tend not to overuse and, in a sentence. Also watch for general overuse of others such as 'of.'
Generally, I do not have much more feedback than that. Like I said I enjoyed the journey through the wilderness with you.
Very dark and highly descriptive work, I am a fan of dark fiction so to me this feels comfortable... R Scott Bakker vibes in parts. The work gives me a sense of dislocation, isolation and certainly despair, however I do feel a little lost. Now I expect that is intentional, helping to heighten the feeling of loss and despair. Is she actually experiencing this or is it all a dream... This has me wondering and frankly looking forward to reading more, and in that we have the main goal of a writer achieved to make the reader want more.
I will say that this work will not be for everyone, most will say it is far to abstract and leave the reader feeling isolated and slightly confused. That makes me different, I don't mind that, I like the mystery and the feeling of utter despair your character is experiencing. Having said that if you are wanting a bit more of a mainstream appeal I would give the reader a bit more context in that case.
Wonderful short story that reminds me of a very dangerous night drive over the pass through to Queens town here in New Zealand.. snow and fog and a crazy truck driver are not a good mix.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wexian
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 12:47am on Dec 31, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
