Character development in this story is excellent. Drawing the reader into Andre's mind is very good work. The dialog is natural and enhances characterization. However, the format errors make the reader work too hard to recognize this good work. Whether these errors were induced during upload or not, does not matter. Many readers will miss these fine points by not finishing the text.
My only suggestion at this time is to correct these errors. If you wish, email me when this is done, and I will review this piece again by email.
I have sent an email with my working draft for this review attached. Please remember these are the opinions of only one reader and view them as such.
I look forward to the next part of this story.
Good writing
Bill
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