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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wesk711
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Public Reviews
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Review by Aloof Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Use quotations for your dialect. It is quite annoying when one must strive to decipher who is talking, and to whom.

It comes across much deeper than it appears. I like the sharp struts of description when describing the events that took place in the dream.

You can also use a more 'telling' vocabulary which is not hard to fix, i.e. you use "mostly" so much that it becomes dry and dull.

I understand this may be not been something you necessarily took time in to perfect, but I see potential with your ability to engage the reader like he is the passenger of your unstable yet exciting ride.

It needs a good deal of touching up, but overall nice work, I enjoyed this read.
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Review by Aloof Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Michael. I am fairly new here and I visit periodically. Usually time takes the best of me and I only get around to one or two reads. Your title caught my eye first. Whether or not you want a critique or a simple acknowledgement I am unsure, but I hand you both...

Structure, Form and Clarity:

1. Keep your tenses consistent. IE...

"... Then, you put it out there where other WdC members could [USE 'can' read it, or just 'read it', it is not like it can't be read anymore] read it..."

2. Be more declarative. IE... "If someone takes the time..." USE 'When' instead of 'If'.

"I cannot hear some of you," Take Out 'some of you' just use 'you'

3. There are many extraneous words, prepositional phrases you don't need. For your statement to be strong the reader must be TOLD what's what. The more rigid the better.

...out of time,


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