\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/weetot52
Review Requests: OFF
7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Second Chance  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your story. I don't think you really need the first sentence, but if you use it, give it more power by maybe trying this: "The tremble in the surgeon's hands went unnoiticed as he called for the scapel."

The use of the memory sections to add the backstory were well done, but a little long. Try consolidating the sentences so the story continues to move forward. I found myself wanting to skip over parts to find out what's happening. For example: The first section about the young boy and his accident could be shortened, since you want to add a part where he shows that they fall in love.

For me, you gave away the ending with one sentence. "What I’m talking about has nothing to do with her accident. I’ve ordered more tests. But something’s wrong – or was wrong. I’m just not sure what.”
I guessed it right away. Perhaps you could alter that sentence so you don't give it away. Maybe leave out: "But something's wrong - or was wrong. I'm just not sure what." By leaving out that he see's such a drastic difference, you leave the reader in the dark also. It's too soon to know the ending, right?

You addressed the ethcial problems surrounding a surgeon operating on someone they are familiar with, and I like the way Martin relieved him of duty. But if something had gone wrong, consequences could have been severe. So maybe I misunderstood this sentence.

“Of course you’d have done no differently,” Martin commended. Then he lowered his eyes on the younger doctor. “But I know what you’ve been through these last few years. I saw what you went through trying to find her. Emotionally I don’t think it’s wise that you continue to handle her case – however noble the cause.”

Did Martin commend him for what he'd done? I was horrified while I was reading that he did the surgery. I'm an ex-RN, so I know a little about liability. Martin should have read him the riot act for not getting the other sugeon that assisted to do the actual cutting. Or make there be a reason why he had to do it more prominent.

Overall, your story was enjoyable. Tighten it up so it flows better in the memory sections and I think you have a good read.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/weetot52