At the beginning of the story I had trouble trying to figure out who I was supposed to be viewing the world from.It felt like I was getting told a story instead of being put into one. Personally the bit of the servant girl seemed unbelievable. She lost her arm but was still able to deliver her message with no issue. Either have her keep her arm or have her dealing with it with more realism. The villain had very little build up. Perhaps keep this a backstory that can be revealed at some point later? If feels kind of like a prologue instead of a chapter one. Almost like I should be expecting a big time jump in the next chapter.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/weaponmaster15
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 12:23am on Dec 18, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
