I decided to check out this one pretty much due to the title. I had intended to find a story in which someone is complaining- probably about something about as meaningful as being denied a second helping of 'Count Chokula' at the breakfast table.
The title, as it turned out, does not do justice to your entry. And in truth it is very easy to change, should you decide to honor your words with a title more fitting.
Yes, I was indeed surprised, in a good way. There is throughout this a degree of mystery as to who [or even what] you might be addressing which is a nice touch. Always good to provoke thought and challenge a readers perceptiveness; it makes your work more interesting. Whatever the intended recipient of your sentiments is... it is obvious that there were and are strong feelings attached- as if you feel a part of you is gone and do not particularly like feeling that empty void that used to be occupied by the one you are addressing.
And yet you offer yourself encouraging and very realistic advice 'there will come a time when life seems worth living again, and sooner than you might think- so stay strong and true to yourself' I get the impression that you're about something; there's nothing phony whatsoever within these words... They represent dealing with reality on reality's terms.
I of course understand who you are speaking to; how could I not? I would suggest omitting the first sentence of this entry. Make us look between the lines to know your mind better... make us find the meaning- keep us guessing, thinking. And those unwilling or unworthy to understand what is in your heart- and cannot guess because they are too narrowminded and self absorbed... Fuck 'em. They are by and large worthless.
Finally, I would say it would get your work through to many more people and help them appreciate the subtleties and words you use with more clarity if you work a bit on your grammar. In truth, it didn't take anything away from your entry as far as I am concerned. But I was all ready hooked on really reading this entry, because I came expecting something lame- and was surprised to find something not at all lame. But sometimes people will take a quick glance to see if the words seem interesting... and misjudge your work because of misspelled words, etc. And miss out on something truly worth reading, for no reason other than a couple misspelled words that they noticed in their glance.
With that I will leave it to you- I've gotten a bit long winded here, running my neck. Good entry and especially good for your ability to keep it real. And about something.
I cannot help but wonder about whether this is a real memory... I have to admit that it seems that it is. I do not know much about reviewing, and know nothing whatsoever about writing poetry- but I will tell you that I was drawn into this, hoping like hell you got away.
One of the rare times that I have read something that is classified as 'poetry' and afterward felt that "I learned something here; something I did not realize before." And that there might even be other unknown good things that my usual choice to 'pass... on poetry' is keeping me from experiencing. First- I KNOW this woman, of course.... although she is becoming more scarce. Our society is growing less and less willing to tolerate her, or in truth allow for her survival... There is simply not enough potential profit in it for most folks to even bother giving her the correct time of day. I, myself, felt bad for her, even a degree of pity- no easy thing with my own current circumstances keeping me so powerfully self absorbed in self pity. But all this is simply my personal reaction to this poem- Here is the cold, hard, profit that made it worth my time to read... or "what I learned":
I now recognize that it is possible, for those who possess such abilities, to construct a relatively short "poem"- which is somehow able to convey a truly astonishing amount of data and ideas... far out of proportion to the actual 'word count' of the poem.
You can count on me finding my way back here.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/way2aware
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 3:20am on Nov 27, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
